Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.


I See A Dangerous Pattern Emerging

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(I agree to come in on my day off. After running my butt off and being cheerful, I finally get to clock out. Since it is a hot day, I did not bring a coat to wear over my work shirt but I figure my large purse and carrying a small purchase of my own would indicate to customers that I am off the clock and leaving. No such luck. I just clock out when an obviously pregnant lady and a guy approach me.)

Woman: “We need some help.”

(I forlornly look around and see everyone else is busy.)

Man: “Or were you busy?”

Me: “I actually just clocked out but as long as it is something simple I can help you quick.”

Woman: “We need a pattern and stuff for a crib skirt.”

(I direct them to the pattern table which is right behind them.)

Woman: “We don’t know how to use these books. Just tell us a good pattern.”

(Because there are at least eight different brands with hundreds of patterns each and they change every so often, employees are not required to memorize them all or waste our time looking for one unless there are no other customers in line or we do happen to know one.)

Me: “I don’t know any off the top of my head but each of these books on the table are separated into categories. You find the color that corresponds with the section you are looking for.”

Woman: “What section would crib skirts be under?!”

(She’s getting impatient and obviously wants me to do it for her, which is something else we cannot do. We can make suggestions but we cannot pick out their supplies for them.)

Me: “I’m not sure but possibly ‘Accessories.’”

(The first page I randomly open to has a crib skirt on it.)

Me: “If this isn’t really what you are looking for, feel free to keep paging through the books. When you find something you like, just check the brand on the book and the large numbers on the page are the pattern number. Just go over to the filing cabinets next to us and find the pattern using the brand and numbers.”

Woman: *obviously not paying attention* “WHERE are the patterns?!”

Man: “Right behind us, where she said they are.”

Me: “If you need any more help, one of the ladies at the cutting table will be able to help you.”

(The woman actually tried to follow me and make me find her a better pattern, how to read it, what material she needed. At that point, I did not care if she was pregnant; she was pushy and loud and I had already told her I was clocked out, which means I was not supposed to be “working off the clock” and had to get somewhere. Now I always bring in a jacket to wear after work so people do not know I work there.)


It’s A Crappy Color Anyway

| CT, USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

(A woman approaches me in the pets department and asks to see all of our litter boxes. I oblige her.)

Customer: “No, no, these are all pink. I need a BLUE litter box.”

Customer’s Husband: “Honey…”

Customer: “He’s a BOY CAT. He can’t have a PINK litter box!”

Customer’s Husband: “He’s literally going to CRAP in it!”

(They began to argue so I just walked away.)

Married To The Job

| Clifton, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(It is about five minutes before the end of my shift and I have just escorted a customer to the product he wanted.)

Me: “Is there was anything else you need?”

Customer: “No, thanks; I have everything. Thank you for your help.”

(When I turn around, I see my husband standing a few feet away, waiting for me to finish my shift. I told him I had to clock out and gave him a quick kiss. From behind me I hear my previous customer ask with a chuckle and wink:)

Customer: “What do I have to do to get customer service like that?”

Me: “You’d have to marry me; this is my husband!”

Maybe You Should Sleep On It

| FL, USA | Home Improvement, Spouses & Partners

(An elderly couple comes in to buy a mattress. A coworker of mine is assisting them as they look at a new set.)

Husband: *examining mattress* “Is this mattress double-sided?”

Coworker: “Nope.”

Husband: “Oh… how do you know which side to sleep on?”

Coworker: “The side that has the quilt on it…”

Doesn’t Have A Good Frame On Pricing

| MD, USA | Money, Spouses & Partners

(I work in the framing department of a big name arts and crafts store. I’ve just finished an order for a female customer that comes out to about $170 total. (We have a good sale on; her original total was about $450). She realizes her husband has her wallet and groans a bit.)

Customer: “Shoot. My husband will never go for this. I knew I should have taken my wallet with me.”

(She calls her husband and he comes over.)

Customer’s Husband: “Wow, that looks good!” *he sees the total* “It’s going to be how much?! Are you kidding me?”

Customer: “Honey, it’s for [Son]’s college graduation. We were going to give him that much on a gift card anyway.”

(They argue for a while, while I stand there feeling horribly awkward.)

Customer’s Husband: “No, that’s ridiculous. I bet I could get this guy I know to do it for $50. I work on his boats; he’ll do it for me.”

(Note that $50 isn’t even enough to cover the discounted glass, let alone frame and assembly.)

Customer: “Fine. Talk to your guy.”

(As he stomps off the wife turns back to me.)

Customer: “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

(I worked the next night, and yes, she did come back.)

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