Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Indentured Shoe-vitude

| North Bay, ON, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Top

(I overhear an older married couple.)

Husband: “What are we doing here?”

Wife: “What do you see all around you?”

Husband: “Shoes.”

Wife: “That’s right.”

Husband: “Crap.”

Lieutenant Dan’s Fruit Company

| Vejle, Denmark | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “It won’t stop loading! I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes and it hasn’t stopped loading yet! Help me!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Let’s start by refreshing the page.”

Caller: “Re… what?”

Me: “Refreshing, ma’am.”

Caller: “How do I do so?”

Me: “Which kind if computer do you have?”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “Which button you have to push depends on your computer. Is it a normal PC or an Apple?”

Caller, to husband: “Honey, she’s rambling! Now she thinks we’re selling apples! How stupid does she think I am!?” *click*

Married To No One Inn Particular

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I’m checking in a woman who walked into our hotel. We have 2 rooms left, and are one of the pricier hotels in the area.)

Me: “Your room will be [price] plus tax per night.”

Customer: “You don’t have anything cheaper?”

Me: “Not right now. We are almost sold out tonight.”

Customer: “Not triple A?”

Me: No, I’m sorry.

Customer: *mumbling* “My house burned down!”

Me: “I’m very sorry.”

Customer: *mumbling* “I’m dying!”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “My husband just died!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “He was in the military! I want a room for a hundred dollars less!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t ever offer rooms that low. There are hotels right across the street that do, though.”

Customer: “No! I want to stay here! My husband loves this place. It’s the only place he will stay.”

Me: “Your deceased husband?”

Customer: “Uh, no, the other one.”

Me: “Your other husband?”

Customer: “Just give me a room.”

(She gets keys, walks out of the hotel, and returns with a man.)

Customer: “See, he isn’t dead!”

Me: “I’m glad to see that.”

Customer: *to man* “She was trying to kill you!”

A Serious Case Of Old-Timers

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I am cutting the hair of an 86 year old man. He asks if I’m from the area, and I tell him I live in an apartment building near by.)

Customer: “So you live there with your husband?”

Me: “I live there with my boyfriend and my best friend.”

Customer: “You live with your boyfriend?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “And you’re not married?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “But you live together?”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of that before.”

Marriage Bed(ding)

| Ontario, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer comes up to the return desk holding a bagged bedding set.)

Me: “Hi sir, would you like to return that?”

Man: “Yes please.”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Man: “Um…my wife told me to?”

Me: “Good enough for me!”