Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Timeshare Beware

| HI, USA | Bad Behavior, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel

(My wife and I are forced to sit in a timeshare presentation as part of our reduced cost stay at a resort. We had already decided it would be crazy for us to buy a timeshare as we have not yet even bought our own house.)

Salesman: “So, can you tell us your personal priorities?”

(My wife, who is an Ivy-League educated lawyer who works in not-for-profit human rights law, speaks up.)

My Wife: “Money… Power! RESPECT!”

(The salesman looks surprised while I turn to my wife:)

Me: “Well, I guess I didn’t know we had such different priorities… for me it i about the little things… blunts, bling, and b****es!”

(They really hated us.)

This Caller Has No Hang Ups

| USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

(I work in retention for a major credit card company. One of the strictest rules in our department is that, while you can suggest strongly that a customer hang up or call back, you cannot drop the call.)

Customer: “I was wondering if we could talk about my interest rate. I was noticing on my last- OH, GOD!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “OH! OH, GOD!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

Customer: “I’m fine. My husband just fondled my breast.”

(I turn bright red and her breathing becomes heavy.)

Customer: “OH, GOD, YES!”

Me: “Ma’am, if this is a bad time…”

Customer: “NO! I was saying, on my last statement, I noticed that my APR… OH, OH, OH, GOD, YES!”

(From the grunting and moaning on the other end of the line, I deduce that this is not just… um… a fondle. All this time, the woman keeps telling me that she wants to know if we can lower her APR. I finally had to mute the phone, turn down the mind-blowing orgasm that my customer was having and then answer her questions when she could focus again. Most awkward moment ever.)

Out For Dinner Is Out Of The Question

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

(I work as a cashier, and we’re supposed to stand in front of our registers if we’re open and waiting for a customer. As I’m doing this, an elderly man eyes me and walks over.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Can I help you with something?”

(The man proceeds to get way too far into my personal space. I’m mildly autistic, so I’m repressing a panic attack at this point.)

Elderly Man: “You can take me out to dinner tonight.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think my boyfriend would be too pleased about that.”

Elderly Man: “It’s okay. He can come too.”

Me: “Well, I’m working the closing shift tonight, then he’s picking me up, So, tonight doesn’t work, anyway.”

Elderly Man: “Ah, that’s too bad.”

(Not only am I getting creepy vibes from this guy, but his breath smells terrible. It’s all I can do to keep a pleasant smile on my face and not duck under my register.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Elderly Man: *remaining way too close and gesturing to the customer service desk* “Oh, no, I’m just waiting for my wife.”