Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Someone Will Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

(A customer comes in, looking a little tired. I’m stacking shelves.)

Customer: “Hi, I need some vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Where are your freezers?”

Me: “They’re over here, but I’m afraid I think we’re out of Häagen-Dazs. We have our own brand vanilla.”

(He gives me a look like he’s going to cry.)

Customer: “I’m really sorry. It has to be Häagen-Dazs. It has to be vanilla.” *voice cracking* “Do you know where I could get some?”

(I promised to go and check the store room as he genuinely looked like he was about to burst into tears and I thought maybe he wasn’t very well. Luckily, we had a couple left that hadn’t been brought out. I brought it back and handed it to him. He looks at it like it’s magical, breathes a huge sigh of relief, and heads to the check out. He picks up a mini chocolate cake on the way and I see him talk to my colleague behind the counter. After he’s gone, she comes over to me and hands me the cake.)

Coworker: “That guy just said this is for you. He said he’s going home to his eight-month pregnant monster wife and because of you he’s not going to be murdered tonight.”

Concept Of Unlimited Is Limited

| Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

(A couple come into the Italian restaurant where I work. I seat them and hand them menus. After a moment, the man waves me over.)

Me: “Hi there. How can I help you today?”

Husband: “I don’t see unlimited salad or breadsticks on your menu.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s a different restaurant. If you order the garlic bread, though, it comes with a lot of pieces! And our salads are very large.”

Husband: *to his wife* “I thought you said this place was just like Olive Garden.”

Wife: “I said it was Italian food like Olive Garden, sweetie. The menu’s not the same.”

Husband: *looking disappointed* “What’s chicken scallop pine?”

(I explain a few menu items, all of which he pronounces wrong, and they order. The woman kept giving me apologetic looks the whole time. Later, when I brought their food, the man was in the bathroom.)

Wife: “Sorry for the problems earlier. He’s not that bright, but he’s so good at other things, if you know what I mean.”

(I told her it was no problem, but I’m sure I was as red as our marinara sauce. It was really awkward serving them the rest of the meal, but she left a $20 tip.)

Marrying Together Archaic Ideas

| Australia | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

(I have a long-time repeat client, old but quite nice. As I am finishing up going through the paperwork and vouchers for his identical biannual holiday with his wife, I inform him I won’t be able to assist with his next trip as I’d be on maternity leave but I’ll pass his file over to my manager and she’ll be quite happy to assist.)

Client: *blank look* “But you’re not… married.”

Me: “Well… no…?”

Client: “How can you be going on maternity leave, then?”

Me: “Because I’m having a baby?”

Client: But you’re not MARRIED?!”

Me: “Uh, I know, but I appear to be pregnant and as I am having a child I need maternity leave…”

Client: “BUT. YOU’RE. NOT. MARRIED. How can you be PREGNANT?”

(Every week for the next seven months he came into my office, sat in front of me, and implored me to go and get married, to anyone – maybe that man over there? – because I needed to be married to have a child. Well, I have a child and I’m still not married. Occasionally he goes back into my old store and asks if I’m married yet.)