Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Half Agreeing To Half And Half

| Seaside, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

(I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)

Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”

Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”

Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”

Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”

Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”

Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”

Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”

Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”

Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”

Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”

Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”

Waiter: “We have half and half.”

Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”

(My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)

Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”

Mom: “That works for me.”

Wifitis

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I work at a busy computer and electronics store. A customer approaches me in the printer section.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy a wifi disabled printer.”

Me: “Ah, do you mean a wifi enabled printer?”

Customer: “No. I want to buy a printer but it can’t have wifi.”

(I acquiesce and spend some time showing her a few different lines, explaining what each can do. None of them are satisfactory, since any modern consumer-level printer with decent features has built in wifi. Sensing her frustration, I show her a newer model. She’s pretty much sold but I tell her wifi is built in but that she can disable it if she’s worried about security.)

Customer: “No no. It’s not about security. It doesn’t matter if it can be disabled. We can’t risk having wifi in the printer at all.”

Me: “Not to pry, but why is it so important that the printer doesn’t have built-in wifi?”

Customer: “My husband is very sensitive to wireless electronic signals. He gets extreme headaches when exposed to them even for a short period of time. That’s why he’s standing over there.” *points to a smiling man standing about twenty feet away*

Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, no!”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “You might want to inform your husband that he’s been standing under the store’s main wireless access point for the past 20 minutes, being blasted with wifi signals 50 times stronger than any of these printers.”

(She ran to her husband, said something, and pointed up to the access point on the ceiling. I tried not to have a smug look on my face as the man suddenly feigned illness and they left abruptly.)

Thinks They’re Trying To Pull The Wool Over Your Eyes

| Ireland | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(I work in a wool mill. I’m almost finished for the day, and tired from lifting and weighing yarn, weaving, and answering phones, when a married couple come into the store at the front of the mill. The husband keeps interrupting me.)

Husband: “So, all of these scarves are obviously wool.”

Me: “Nope. We use some wool, but we use a lot of cotton, linen, sil—”

Husband: “Uh-huh. And it’s all Irish wool, of course.”

Me: “No, we don’t actually use Irish wool because it’s not great for wearing. Irish sheep have short, wiry wool that is too—”

Husband: “And why not? You have loads of sheep out there! I’ve seen them!”

Me: “I know our sheep look lovely out there in the field, but their wool mostly goes into carpets and—”

Husband: “Carpets! Where do you get your wool then?”

(At this point, I’m getting a little overwhelmed, and his wife can see that.)

Wife: “[Husband], let the girl finish; she’s trying to answer you. If you’re going to ask a question, wait for the answer.”

(The husband then shuts up and lets me finish my sentence.)

Me: “A lot of our wool comes from Italy and Japan. Warm climates have better wool, but we don’t just use wool from regular old sheep. We have alpaca and camel too, and we’re thinking of using yak next year.”

Wife: “Fascinating! Thank you so much. What’s your name?”

Me: “Oh, my name is [My Name].”

Wife: “I’m so sorry. My husband can get a bit excited when it comes to new things. He thinks he already knows everything about it. Don’t let him get to you. We’ll take these please!”

(She held up six scarves and I folded and bagged them. The husband pouted in the corner. Probably not the first time he’d been told off by his wife!)