Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

Both Taking A Uniform Approach

| Spouses & Partners

(I am shopping in a department store where the employee uniform is a red shirt and khaki pants. A middle-aged couple is next to me and the husband approaches a nearby young man talking to a group of friends. The young man is wearing a red t-shirt and dark green pants.)

Husband: “Hey, there, where do you keep the hats?”

Young Man: “Sorry man, but I don’t work here.”

Husband: “What? Oh! I guess you gotta be careful, wearing that red shirt in here!”

Wife: “Dear, you look like YOU work here.”

(The husband looks down – he is wearing a red shirt and khaki pants in the same style as the actual store employees.)

Husband: “Well, dang…”

Full Of Christmas Jeer

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Holidays, Spouses & Partners

(It’s Christmas Eve and I’m really tired because I had already been at work there from 9:30 at night to 7 that morning (an hour later than I was supposed to stay) and I am back again at 2 that afternoon, so I am running on no sleep and being kind of bitchy to customers.)

Customer: “Can I see that necklace there? What is that, just a geometric shape?”

Me: “It’s a snake. ”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t like snakes and wouldn’t want to get that for me wife since she’s not a fan either. Except for, you know, my snake.”

Me: *begin staring at him with just this look of absolute hatred that screams ‘f*** you’*

Customer: “Okay… so I’ll take the one behind it.”

Got Belly Offended

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays, Spouses & Partners

(A customer asks if we carry anklets, so I lead him to our selection.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any for belly dancing? Like the ones that jingle?”

Me: “Unfortunately not. Is your wife a belly dancer?”

Customer: “What, do you have to be a belly dancer to buy these or something? Of course she’s not a belly dancer. What a stupid question.”

Me: “Uh… I only asked because you had said… never mind. Let me know if you need anything else.”

(A few minutes later, he comes to the register to purchase the anklet. I ring him up, hand him his purchase, and wish him a Merry Christmas.)

Customer: “You’re a dumb mother-f*****, aren’t you?”

(I still don’t know what his problem was!)

She Is All Over The Map

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Spouses & Partners

(I work for a cell phone accessory shop inside a mall as the primary repair technician. Appointments are made through a third-party call center, and then an email with details is sent to our store; we don’t interact with a customer until they show up. A woman shows up at our kiosk with a sheet of paper in her hand.)

Customer: “I’m supposed to drop off my husband’s phone to be fixed. He said the place was here in the mall, but I can’t find it.”

(I realize that she believes we were an actual shop and not a kiosk. I check our appointments.)

Me: “We can certainly help you out. We have an appointment scheduled at 12:30 for [Husband]. Is that him?”

Customer: “I’m pretty sure this isn’t the place. He said it was called [Store], by Starbucks.”

(She obviously can’t see Starbucks behind her.)

Me: “Yes, that is us. It’s a little early, but you can still drop off—”

Customer: “No, I’m definitely sure this isn’t the place. Thank you for your help.”

(She leaves, and presumably finds another phone repair shop because she didn’t come back. Four hours pass and a man walks up to the kiosk.)

Man: “Excuse me; I’m here to pick up my phone. My wife dropped it off earlier.”

(I ask for his name, and he tells me. I realize that his wife was the woman from earlier. I inform him what happened. He rolls his eyes in disbelief.)

Man: “That woman couldn’t find water if she fell out of a canoe! I told her exactly where you guys were, and even drew her a map!”

(I had wondered what that paper in her hand was.)

Not So Pretty In Pink, Part 2

, | Orlando, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Spouses & Partners

(The theme park I work for is testing a new wristband system. Instead of having to carry key cards for the hotel room, guests get wristbands that will unlock their doors, and they can also be used to charge purchases to their bill. Certain VIP members get to test them early, and get some extra perks with them. I am helping a family check in.)

Me: “Here are your wristbands!”

Mom: “Can we get ones like theirs? I want a pink one and so does my daughter.”

(She points to some people checking in with my coworker. VIP testers receive a different design on the band, and also get to pick from a list of colors. Current guests only get black or light gray.)

Me: “Sorry. ma’am, those aren’t available to everyone yet. The colorful ones are only offered to park members right now.”

Mom: “Well, make me a f****** park member, then! I want a pink f****** wristband!”

(Park members are usually wealthy families who live close by and come to the parks at least once a month. The expensive dues aren’t really worth it for tourists who only visit occasionally. Normally I would try to explain this to her, but I’m frustrated at how she’s treating me.)

Me: “Oh, you want to be a park member? Let me help you sign up! Your dues are $XXXX a year; I can either bill that fee to your room or you can pay right now with the card I have on file. Here’s your paperwork. You’re welcome to fill it out at your own pace and bring it back to any cast member at the check-in desk when you’re ready.”

Mom: *screams loudly and storms out of the hotel*

(The dad watches her leave, then sadly shakes his head.)

Dad: “This is supposed to help us fix our marriage.”

(I later see him and the daughter out in the lobby playing. He waves me over.)

Dad: “My wife decided to fly home because, according to her, you ruined the vacation. She threatened to call your boss. Are you going to get in trouble?”

Me: “Probably not, sir. I did exactly what she asked, which was to sign her up for the park membership. My coworker will be happy to back up my story.”

Dad: “Good. I’ve decided to go through with the divorce. I’m thankful she–” *motions to daughter* “–is too young to understand.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to make your stay exceptional.”

Dad: “I think we’re fine, thank you. How do I contact your boss, though? You’ve been so helpful.”

(I gave him my supervisor’s contact information. Once they left for the day, I arranged to have a small basket of treats and toys for him and his daughter to be delivered to the room. I received a glowing report from him, which helped me receive a raise! He also had some flowers delivered to the front desk of the hotel for all of the staff to admire.)

Not So Pretty In Pink

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