Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

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Trained To Avoid Their Baggage

| UK | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

(I’m working on the till and a customer approaches with a birthday card. As in all large stores in England, we have to charge 5p for carrier bags. We’ve been receiving plenty of grief from customers who seem think the charge is up to the cashier, but this one was especially irate.)

Me: “That’ll be £3, please.”

Customer: *gives me a shocked/disgusted look, despite the price being clearly on the back of the card* “Why should I have to pay £3 for this card? Why, just because it’s got [Company] on the back? Why should I have to pay that?”

Me: *deciding to assume it’s a rhetorical question* “Do you need a 5p bag?”

Customer: “A 5p bag? A 5P BAG? I’m paying £3 for a card and now you want to charge me 5p for a bag?”

Me: “Okay, just the card, then. That’ll be £3.”

Customer: *calls her husband over* “Look at this. I have to pay £3 for this card and now she wants me to pay 5p for a bag. RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: “RIDICULOUS.”

(I think they might have actually both malfunctioned at this point.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you want us to pay 5p for bags when you charged me this much for a card.”

Me: “Here’s your change. Thank you. Goodbye!”

Customer: *storms off* “RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: *follows obediently behind his wife* “RIDICULOUS.”

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I See A Dangerous Pattern Emerging

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(I agree to come in on my day off. After running my butt off and being cheerful, I finally get to clock out. Since it is a hot day, I did not bring a coat to wear over my work shirt but I figure my large purse and carrying a small purchase of my own would indicate to customers that I am off the clock and leaving. No such luck. I just clock out when an obviously pregnant lady and a guy approach me.)

Woman: “We need some help.”

(I forlornly look around and see everyone else is busy.)

Man: “Or were you busy?”

Me: “I actually just clocked out but as long as it is something simple I can help you quick.”

Woman: “We need a pattern and stuff for a crib skirt.”

(I direct them to the pattern table which is right behind them.)

Woman: “We don’t know how to use these books. Just tell us a good pattern.”

(Because there are at least eight different brands with hundreds of patterns each and they change every so often, employees are not required to memorize them all or waste our time looking for one unless there are no other customers in line or we do happen to know one.)

Me: “I don’t know any off the top of my head but each of these books on the table are separated into categories. You find the color that corresponds with the section you are looking for.”

Woman: “What section would crib skirts be under?!”

(She’s getting impatient and obviously wants me to do it for her, which is something else we cannot do. We can make suggestions but we cannot pick out their supplies for them.)

Me: “I’m not sure but possibly ‘Accessories.’”

(The first page I randomly open to has a crib skirt on it.)

Me: “If this isn’t really what you are looking for, feel free to keep paging through the books. When you find something you like, just check the brand on the book and the large numbers on the page are the pattern number. Just go over to the filing cabinets next to us and find the pattern using the brand and numbers.”

Woman: *obviously not paying attention* “WHERE are the patterns?!”

Man: “Right behind us, where she said they are.”

Me: “If you need any more help, one of the ladies at the cutting table will be able to help you.”

(The woman actually tried to follow me and make me find her a better pattern, how to read it, what material she needed. At that point, I did not care if she was pregnant; she was pushy and loud and I had already told her I was clocked out, which means I was not supposed to be “working off the clock” and had to get somewhere. Now I always bring in a jacket to wear after work so people do not know I work there.)

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It’s A Crappy Color Anyway

| CT, USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

(A woman approaches me in the pets department and asks to see all of our litter boxes. I oblige her.)

Customer: “No, no, these are all pink. I need a BLUE litter box.”

Customer’s Husband: “Honey…”

Customer: “He’s a BOY CAT. He can’t have a PINK litter box!”

Customer’s Husband: “He’s literally going to CRAP in it!”

(They began to argue so I just walked away.)

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