Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.


Missing A Few Brain Cells… And A Husband

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(I work in the fraud detection department for a major credit union. My job involves making outbound calls to customers to verify out of pattern transactions that have generally already been confirmed to be fraud by our system and closing the card once the customer has been contacted.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] with [Credit Union]. May I please speak with Mr. [Customer]?”

Wife: “He’s my husband; he’s not here right now. Do you want to leave a message?”

(I see the wife isn’t on the account so legally I cannot give her any information.)

Me: “We just need to verify some information with him. Can you ask him to give us a call back?”

Wife: “Well, I don’t know. Have you seen him recently?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Wife: “He hasn’t been home in two months. I think he might be dead. Have you seen him?”

Me: “Um… have you called the police yet?”

Wife: “No, do you think I should?”

Me: “Yes, I do!”

Wife: “Okay, I’ll do that. Bye bye.”

(I then sat in stunned silence for a few minutes.)


Already Failed The Test

| Nottingham, England, UK | Health & Body, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(Whilst waiting to be seen at the eye clinic, the optometrist comes over to a couple in front of us.)

Optometrist: “We need a new retinal scan of your husband’s eyes, Mrs. [Name]. Could you please take this form to room 19 and see the technician who will do the test there.”

(Mrs. [Name] gets up and gathers her things together and starts out of the door.)

Optometrist: “Mrs. [Name]! You need to take your husband with you.”

Mrs. [Name]: “Why? Will he need to be there when they do the test?”


In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Popular, Spouses & Partners

(A married couple are checking out at my till. I’ve scanned everything that they’ve placed on the counter, and I have the total ready for them. All that’s left is for them to pay, and for me to give them their receipt.)

Wife: “Hold on a sec. I need to check something out.”

(The wife walks away from the till to do some more shopping. Her husband and I are just standing at the till, dumbfounded. Seconds turned into minutes, with no conclusion in sight.)

Husband: “All right, honey, I think that’s enough; let’s go.”

(The wife ignores her husband, and keeps shopping.)

Husband: “Honey, will you please come back to the till? Honey? Sweetheart? Babe? Princess? Please come back to the till. You’re keeping the nice man waiting. Honey, there’s a line forming behind us. Honey? Will you please come back? Honey? Honey? Honey? Dear? Sweetheart?”

(After all that, she’s still ignoring him.)

Husband: *to me* “Dude, don’t ever get married. It’ll ruin your life.”

(When the wife did come back, she acted as if she did nothing wrong. The nerve of some people.)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 10
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 9
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 8


Something To Shout About

| NC, USA | Bizarre, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(I’m walking into a local grocery store like any other day, when suddenly I hear a guy behind me shout something very loudly and incoherently for no discernible reason. Obviously, this scares the living daylights out of me. I turn around and see two men and a woman walking behind me. The woman, whom I assume to be the older gentleman’s wife, has clearly seen me jump out of my skin and smacks her arm across his chest in a scolding manner. I say nothing and go about my business. Later, as I’m checking out:)

Cashier: “I saw what happened when you came in. You okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. A little unnerved, though.”

Cashier: “The guy who yelled at you was getting an earful from his wife when they came in.”

Me: “Well, I’d imagine so…”

Another Cashier: “No, she was PISSED! She said something along the lines of, ‘What the H*** is wrong with you?!’ and ‘You might be a walking heart attack waiting to happen but that doesn’t mean you can give someone else one!’”

(I and the other cashier started laughing. Later I found a note on my windshield saying, “Sorry my idiot husband scared you.”)


Trained To Avoid Their Baggage

| UK | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

(I’m working on the till and a customer approaches with a birthday card. As in all large stores in England, we have to charge 5p for carrier bags. We’ve been receiving plenty of grief from customers who seem think the charge is up to the cashier, but this one was especially irate.)

Me: “That’ll be £3, please.”

Customer: *gives me a shocked/disgusted look, despite the price being clearly on the back of the card* “Why should I have to pay £3 for this card? Why, just because it’s got [Company] on the back? Why should I have to pay that?”

Me: *deciding to assume it’s a rhetorical question* “Do you need a 5p bag?”

Customer: “A 5p bag? A 5P BAG? I’m paying £3 for a card and now you want to charge me 5p for a bag?”

Me: “Okay, just the card, then. That’ll be £3.”

Customer: *calls her husband over* “Look at this. I have to pay £3 for this card and now she wants me to pay 5p for a bag. RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: “RIDICULOUS.”

(I think they might have actually both malfunctioned at this point.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you want us to pay 5p for bags when you charged me this much for a card.”

Me: “Here’s your change. Thank you. Goodbye!”

Customer: *storms off* “RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: *follows obediently behind his wife* “RIDICULOUS.”

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