Category: Spouses & Partners

Some stupid customers are married to other stupid customers. Some just drag their not-so-stupid other halves along for the ride to suffer in silence. Sometimes they don’t suffer in silence. One thing is true for all three, they’re all hilarious.

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Already Failed The Test

| Nottingham, England, UK | Health & Body, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(Whilst waiting to be seen at the eye clinic, the optometrist comes over to a couple in front of us.)

Optometrist: “We need a new retinal scan of your husband’s eyes, Mrs. [Name]. Could you please take this form to room 19 and see the technician who will do the test there.”

(Mrs. [Name] gets up and gathers her things together and starts out of the door.)

Optometrist: “Mrs. [Name]! You need to take your husband with you.”

Mrs. [Name]: “Why? Will he need to be there when they do the test?”

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In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Popular, Spouses & Partners

(A married couple are checking out at my till. I’ve scanned everything that they’ve placed on the counter, and I have the total ready for them. All that’s left is for them to pay, and for me to give them their receipt.)

Wife: “Hold on a sec. I need to check something out.”

(The wife walks away from the till to do some more shopping. Her husband and I are just standing at the till, dumbfounded. Seconds turned into minutes, with no conclusion in sight.)

Husband: “All right, honey, I think that’s enough; let’s go.”

(The wife ignores her husband, and keeps shopping.)

Husband: “Honey, will you please come back to the till? Honey? Sweetheart? Babe? Princess? Please come back to the till. You’re keeping the nice man waiting. Honey, there’s a line forming behind us. Honey? Will you please come back? Honey? Honey? Honey? Dear? Sweetheart?”

(After all that, she’s still ignoring him.)

Husband: *to me* “Dude, don’t ever get married. It’ll ruin your life.”

(When the wife did come back, she acted as if she did nothing wrong. The nerve of some people.)

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 10
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 9
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 8

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Something To Shout About

| NC, USA | Bizarre, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(I’m walking into a local grocery store like any other day, when suddenly I hear a guy behind me shout something very loudly and incoherently for no discernible reason. Obviously, this scares the living daylights out of me. I turn around and see two men and a woman walking behind me. The woman, whom I assume to be the older gentleman’s wife, has clearly seen me jump out of my skin and smacks her arm across his chest in a scolding manner. I say nothing and go about my business. Later, as I’m checking out:)

Cashier: “I saw what happened when you came in. You okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. A little unnerved, though.”

Cashier: “The guy who yelled at you was getting an earful from his wife when they came in.”

Me: “Well, I’d imagine so…”

Another Cashier: “No, she was PISSED! She said something along the lines of, ‘What the H*** is wrong with you?!’ and ‘You might be a walking heart attack waiting to happen but that doesn’t mean you can give someone else one!’”

(I and the other cashier started laughing. Later I found a note on my windshield saying, “Sorry my idiot husband scared you.”)

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Trained To Avoid Their Baggage

| UK | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

(I’m working on the till and a customer approaches with a birthday card. As in all large stores in England, we have to charge 5p for carrier bags. We’ve been receiving plenty of grief from customers who seem think the charge is up to the cashier, but this one was especially irate.)

Me: “That’ll be £3, please.”

Customer: *gives me a shocked/disgusted look, despite the price being clearly on the back of the card* “Why should I have to pay £3 for this card? Why, just because it’s got [Company] on the back? Why should I have to pay that?”

Me: *deciding to assume it’s a rhetorical question* “Do you need a 5p bag?”

Customer: “A 5p bag? A 5P BAG? I’m paying £3 for a card and now you want to charge me 5p for a bag?”

Me: “Okay, just the card, then. That’ll be £3.”

Customer: *calls her husband over* “Look at this. I have to pay £3 for this card and now she wants me to pay 5p for a bag. RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: “RIDICULOUS.”

(I think they might have actually both malfunctioned at this point.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you want us to pay 5p for bags when you charged me this much for a card.”

Me: “Here’s your change. Thank you. Goodbye!”

Customer: *storms off* “RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: *follows obediently behind his wife* “RIDICULOUS.”

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I See A Dangerous Pattern Emerging

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(I agree to come in on my day off. After running my butt off and being cheerful, I finally get to clock out. Since it is a hot day, I did not bring a coat to wear over my work shirt but I figure my large purse and carrying a small purchase of my own would indicate to customers that I am off the clock and leaving. No such luck. I just clock out when an obviously pregnant lady and a guy approach me.)

Woman: “We need some help.”

(I forlornly look around and see everyone else is busy.)

Man: “Or were you busy?”

Me: “I actually just clocked out but as long as it is something simple I can help you quick.”

Woman: “We need a pattern and stuff for a crib skirt.”

(I direct them to the pattern table which is right behind them.)

Woman: “We don’t know how to use these books. Just tell us a good pattern.”

(Because there are at least eight different brands with hundreds of patterns each and they change every so often, employees are not required to memorize them all or waste our time looking for one unless there are no other customers in line or we do happen to know one.)

Me: “I don’t know any off the top of my head but each of these books on the table are separated into categories. You find the color that corresponds with the section you are looking for.”

Woman: “What section would crib skirts be under?!”

(She’s getting impatient and obviously wants me to do it for her, which is something else we cannot do. We can make suggestions but we cannot pick out their supplies for them.)

Me: “I’m not sure but possibly ‘Accessories.’”

(The first page I randomly open to has a crib skirt on it.)

Me: “If this isn’t really what you are looking for, feel free to keep paging through the books. When you find something you like, just check the brand on the book and the large numbers on the page are the pattern number. Just go over to the filing cabinets next to us and find the pattern using the brand and numbers.”

Woman: *obviously not paying attention* “WHERE are the patterns?!”

Man: “Right behind us, where she said they are.”

Me: “If you need any more help, one of the ladies at the cutting table will be able to help you.”

(The woman actually tried to follow me and make me find her a better pattern, how to read it, what material she needed. At that point, I did not care if she was pregnant; she was pushy and loud and I had already told her I was clocked out, which means I was not supposed to be “working off the clock” and had to get somewhere. Now I always bring in a jacket to wear after work so people do not know I work there.)

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