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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

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Time To Tap Out

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Technology

(We’re picking up tickets for a movie and my friend wants to pay using the PayPass system of placing the debit card on the EFTPOS machine.)

Employee: “That comes to [price].”

Friend: “Can I tap that?”

Employee: *stunned silence*

(I and Employee #2 are laughing at this point.)

Friend: “Oh, god… Sorry!”

Employee #1: “That’s okay. You can tap that!” *laughs*

Friend: *grabs popcorn and flees*

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Referring To A Different Kind Of Ride

| TX, USA | Family & Kids, Popular, Rude & Risque

(One of the slides at the park involves lying stomach-down or crouching on your knees on a mat. An older woman with her daughter are next in line.)

Woman: *to the lifeguard on duty* “Will I be okay on this ride? I have trouble getting on my knees.”

Daughter: “That’s not what Dad says.”

(The lifeguard could barely answer, he was laughing so hard!)

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Manners Go Down The Toilet

, | Stockholm , Sweden | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Establishment].”

Guest: “TOILET!”

Me: *with a slight bow* “Toilet to you too, sir.”

Toying With The Name

| Waxahachie, TX, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(An elderly man brings in his four-year-old grandson for a toy.)

Grandpa: “Okay, [Grandson], pick out a toy.”

(The grandson starts looking around frantically at the shelf, spots a toy, and starts hopping around excitedly and pointing:)

Grandson: “Grandpa! Grandpa! I want a g**d*** wing!”

Grandpa: *looking from surprise to anger at once, about to smack the grandson while crying out* “What the h*** did you just say?!”

Me: *runs up quickly and intervenes* “Whoa, whoa, whoa! He was meaning Gundum wing.”

Grandpa: *staring at the shelf looking disgruntled* “D*** Japs did it on purpose.”

Wish You Could Screen These Customers

| Australia | Popular, Rude & Risque, Technology

(Our store has a large screen relaying live footage from the CCTV cameras. Every so often, customers who are easily entertained go crazy about ‘seeing themselves on TV’ and start dancing in front of it, or taking pictures, or whatever. We had just served this trio of guys when they noticed the screen and one started dancing. The next moment I looked at him he had his pants down to his knees and was doing what you could only describe as “windmilling,” while thrusting towards my horrified looking coworker.)

Me: “It’s not going to look any larger on the big screen…”

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