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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Some Requests Are Too Exotic

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

Customer: “Hi. I would like to confirm my order of exotic Mexican dancers for my brother’s bachelor party.”

Me: “Um, sir, are you sure you have the right number? This—”

Customer: “I am getting late! I ordered them yesterday!”

Me: “Sir, this is [Home Retail Store]'”

Customer: “Yeah, I know that! What am I, an idiot?”

Me: “Um—”

Customer: “Of course you would have Mexican dancers! Are you even qualified to work here? Even a KID would know that!”

Me: “Er… sir, are you sure you are calling the right place? THIS IS [HOME RETAIL STORE]. Let me repeat, sir. NOT MEXICO.”

Customer: “SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH THIS WOMAN A LESSON ABOUT HER JOB! WHAT KIND OF EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEIR PRODUCTS ARE?”

(Another employee comes up to me and mouths, ‘I’ll deal with him.’)

Employee: “Sir, what are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’M LOOKING FOR EXOTIC MEXICAN DANCERS FOR A BACHELOR PARTY! YOUR D*** EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING!”

Employee: “Oh, I found your order. Repeat your order for me please?” *winks at me*

Customer: “Finally! Someone who knows their job! The number is [number].”

Employee: “Thank you for your order. For the inconvenience, you will get them free. Expect them around 6:30 pm. Enjoy your party!”

The Heavenly Penny Finally Dropped

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small local library. A patron comes up to the front desk with a mischievous look in his eye. He plunks down a stack of movies.)

Patron: “I didn’t know you guys had stuff like this.”

(Not everyone knows that we lend videos and music, so I start on my standard ‘things you can get from the library’ spiel.)

Patron: “No, man, I know about that! I meant porn!”

Me: “Wha?”

Patron: “Like this one, here!”

(He holds up an old VHS.)

Patron:Penis from Heaven!”

Me: “‘Pennies,'” sir. It’s Pennies from Heaven.”

Patron: “Oh. Well, you can keep it, then.”

Where Blow Dry Has Another Meaning

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

(I work at a shopping centre. A customer approaches the desk to ask for directions to a shop.)

Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. Where is ‘Hairhouse Whorehouse?’”

Me: “Um? Do you mean ‘Hairhouse Warehouse?’”

Customer: “…Oh, god! What did I just say?!”