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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

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This Story Has Yet To Be Title

, | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hall of Fame, Movies & TV, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am the night shift manager at a fast food restaurant. The corporate office had just started a new advertising campaign, and while not openly sexual, it is filled with innuendo. I get a phone call about 10 minutes before closing.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I AM REALLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW! My children were watching TV this afternoon when your commercial came on. I cannot believe you would expose my kids to sex like that. I want you to take the commercial down, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Sir, this is a local store, so it has no control over the TV ads. The corporate office in Southern California produces and purchase all the advertising time for all of [Restaurant]. I would be happy pass of your name and number; that way they can put you in touch with the appropriate person.”

Caller: “THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I want this ad taken off TV right now. You need to get on the phone and call the TV station and tell them to pull this filth off the TV, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but I’m just a shift manager at a local store. We are a franchise location with no direct link to the corporate office in Southern California. I simply do not have the authority to make anyone pull these ads, nor does anyone else at this location. The franchise office might be able to help you. Their number is [number], and they open at eight am. You can tell them how you feel in the morning.”

Caller: “HOW CAN YOU ALLOW MY CHILDREN TO BE EXPOSED TO THIS SMUT?! If you cared about your customers you wouldn’t hide behind “authority.” You would listen to your customers, do your job, and have this smut pulled from the TV, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but—”

Caller: “BUT NOTHING. GET IT PULLED RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a 19 year old college student working at a fast food joint. I agree with you that the new ad campaign is kind of inappropriate, but the TV networks simply aren’t going to allow me to call them up at 11:50 at night and have them pull advertisement paid for by someone else. If you give me your name and number I will ask the franchise office to contact you tomorrow, or you can call them at [number], or you can call the corporate office in Southern California at [a phone number I’m never supposed to give out], or you can even file a complaint with the Federal Communications Commission.”

Caller: “I WANT IT OFF THE AIR NOW! If you cared about my kids or your job, you would do it NOW! IF YOU DON’T DO IT NOW, I WILL GET YOU FIRED!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I will pass on your complaint.”

Caller: *all of a sudden he speaks in an almost hushed tone* “You know you’re going to Hell now, right…?” *click*

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Send Him A Copy Of ‘The Scarlet Letter’

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I work at a bookstore, and there’s a hotel just down the road. I’m standing at the info desk. My manager happens to be standing next to me during this call, helping another customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bookstore]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, I need you to call this number and send them to my room.”

(I’m confused, and think that maybe he has the wrong number.)

Me: “Uh, sir, this is a bookstore. Is there a book in particular that you’re looking for?”

Customer: “No, I want you to call [obviously not a legal name], and send them to room [number] at the [Hotel].”

Me: *face-palm* “Sir, I refuse to do that.”

Customer: *voice rising* “What kind of customer service is this?! Look, just make the call so that the number isn’t affiliated with me at all. It will take a minute, tops.”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t do that for our customers, let alone people who don’t shop with us.”

(The manager gives me a stern glance at my tone.)

Customer: “Then put someone on the phone who will!”

Me: “Sir, I will not call a prostitute to your room!”

(My manager jumps and both he and the customer stare at me.)

Me: “Nor will anyone else here, sir. Do not call this number again!”

(I hang up on him.)

Manager: “Normally I’d write you up for talking to someone like that but…” *shakes his head* “What’s the hotel and room number?”

(I give it to him. He then shares the information over the walkie-talkies to the rest of the evening crew and tells them that under no circumstances are we to do anything requested from that location.)

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Measuring The Wrongest Distance

| Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

Customer: “I’m looking for a pedo meter.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “A pedo meter. You know, one of those things that measure how many steps you do.”

Me: “Oh, a pedometer.”

Customer: “Yeah, a pedo meter…”

Me: “Right, they’re over here.”

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Speedo On To The End Of The Call

| FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I work the overnight shift on the front desk. One night I get a call from an older gentleman that I, unfortunately, won’t soon forget.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’m thinking of making a reservation at your bed and breakfast but had a few questions.”

Me: “I’ll be more than happy to answer any questions you may have, sir.”

Caller: “My wife and I travel a lot and we often stay at bed and breakfasts and I know that some have shared bathrooms. Is this the case for yours?”

Me: *thinking nothing of this as it is a fairly typical question* “I can assure you that each of our rooms has its own private bathroom.”

Caller: “I’m glad to hear this. You see, one time we were staying at a bed and breakfast that had shared bathrooms and my wife was taking a shower one morning and a gentleman entered while she was shaving her private parts. It was a bit embarrassing.

Me: *hoping this is some sort of prank call, but am unable to end it* “That can’t have been good. Well, you don’t have to worry about that happening here.”

Caller: “Well since he had already seen everything my wife just continued to finish up her shower as he went about his business. My other question is are speedos allowed to be worn on the beach?”

Me: *at this point the mental images have me wishing I could end calls, but am unable to* “As far as I am aware, you should be able to wear a speedo on the beach. I’ve heard nothing to the contrary.”

Caller: “Thank you very much for your help. I’ll talk it over with the wife and give you a call back.”

(It didn’t surprise me that they never called back.)

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This Job Can’t Be Blushed

| NY, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I work in a popular coffee shop and am attempting to put together the pump for our mocha sauce. I am grasping the longish metal pipe and am trying to get the other piece to twist in. While struggling with this, one of our regulars comes up to the counter.)

Regular: “Don’t have much experience handling something that big, do you?”

Me: *turns away from him in embarrassment*

Regular: “Oh, gosh, look how red you are.”

Me: *mumbling* “Haha, it’s just my blush.”

(He goes to sit down at a table once I’ve given him his drink. A while later, while on my break, I’m sitting down at the bar eating. On his way out he makes this final remark.)

Regular: “Looks like your blush has worn off.”

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