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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Always Been A Leg Man

| Singapore | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

Customer: “So this table leg, can it fit onto this table?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “And is it easy to fix it?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “We just have to screw it ourselves yeah?”

Me: “Yes, just screw yourselves.” *suppressed laughter*

Just Paper Cut Right To It

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Rude & Risque

(I answer the phone at work.)

Customer: “Hi. My name is [Name] and I am with [Gentlemen’s Club].  I am going to need to order some change.”

Me: “Okay. What will you need?”

Customer: “I need $1,400 in old ones.”

Me: “I believe I have $1,400 in ones, but I am not sure if they are all old.”

Customer: “Oh, I have to have old ‘ones’ because the new ones give the strippers paper cuts.”

A Freudian Slip And Slide

| Rochester, MN, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

(I am helping a customer with some plumbing fittings for his old-home cast-iron pipes.)

Customer: “I don’t think this gasket is going to slide into the pipe.”

Me: “It should slide right in for you.”

Customer: “Well, if it don’t slide in, what can I use to help slide it in?”

Me: “You can use some KY jelly, and that will help.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. We got some of that and should work just fine then.”

Me: “Yep, should work.”

(The customer’s wife comes around as we get other fittings together, and he looks at his wife.)

Customer: “Almost done here. Got all the stuff I need, and I just need to find where the KY jelly is.”

(The wife’s eyes gets big in disbelief. I initially think ‘what’s wrong with her?’)

Wife: “Umm. What?”

Customer: “The KY jelly to help slide the fittings into… oh… c**p.”

(The customer looks at me, and just as he does so, it dawns on me what we have both just said!)

Me: “Oh… We need to find the silicone jelly! Sorry! I have no ideal how I came up with KY jelly!”