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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Asking Ballsy Questions

| Roseville, CA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

Female Customer: “I’d like to return these men’s underwear.”

Return Counter Clerk: “That’s fine. Was there something wrong with them?”

Female Customer: *with a totally straight face* “My husband says his balls keep falling out of them.”

(No further questions!)

Sadly This Is Regular Behavior

| Liverpool, England, UK | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(At my small café, I am the only waitress who will work Sundays. Now I know why. One guy, who is apparently a regular as he knows the boss, comes in. He seems cheerful enough and I give him my usual smile and politeness as I process his order, which is simply a tea to go. As I am making the drink, he comes up behind me and mutters.)

Customer: “I’d love to f***you.”

(I honestly have no idea what to say, so I give him his drink and move to the back of the kitchen to start washing the plates and cutlery. He finally leaves.)

Me: *to Boss* “That customer just said he’d love to f*** me!”

Boss: “What?! Just wait until he comes back again!”

(The following week she processed his order herself.)

Customer: “So, where is [My Name] today?”

Boss: “I don’t feel it is right to submit her to such inappropriate behavior from a customer who is at least three times her age.”

(His embarrassment at the other customers staring was worth it.)

Stripped Of His Confidence

| USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(This conversation occurred between me and a customer buying shoes for a wedding. I’m a tall girl and rather busty.)

Me: *after ringing up shoes and going through usual questions* “Okay, that will be [total].”

Customer: “Just a second.” *pulls out wallet, digs in pockets, and locates two extra bills in another pocket* “Hey, I found extra money. That’s great!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I always love finding extra money at the bottom of my purse.”

Customer: “Oh, from your job as a stripper?”

(At this he freezes and his whole face is overcome with a look of absolute horror at what he’s just said. His tone isn’t insulting and in fact I got the distinct impression he must have a lot of female friends he casually jokes with without thinking. I’m standing there struggling between laughter and insult and settle on laughter as I’ve had a good day and he just looks like he feels really bad.)

Customer: “Oh, my god, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to imply—”

Me: “It’s fine. It’s flattering to think I look good enough to be a stripper.” *poses*

(The customer laughed though clearly still felt bad, He paid and left with his shoes. Another coworker walked over, having heard the exchange, and we stared at each other a moment before we burst out laughing.)