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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Fishing For Tramps

| Titusville, FL, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

Customer: “What do I need to fish saltwater for shrimp?”

Me: “Just a saltwater fishing license.”

Customer: “No crawdad or lobster permit?”

Me: “Nope, just the saltwater license for $17.50.”

Customer: “Well what about freshwater? Will I need a tramp stamp for trout?”

(Right after that, he realized what he said. His friend and I were both laughing.)

A Phoned In Service

| Bastrop, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I’m a cashier for a retail store. Normally I’m pretty nice with one main exception: If you are on a phone, I will NOT talk to you. A customer come up to me talking on her phone and I proceed to scan up her items, giving a small smile and a nod to acknowledge her. For the most part the customer doesn’t seem to care until she’s almost done.)

Customer: “Where’s my corn dog?”

(She resumes her phone conversation as I put the corn dog on the counter next to the credit reader.)

Customer: “HEL-LO! Where’s my corn dog?”

(I silently start to put her items into the buggy while she’s STILL keeps talking on her phone as I point to the corn dog. For the next few moments she attempts to talk to me only to also talk to the phone.)

Customer: “HELLO! Are you sleepy?! Where is my corn dog!?”

(I point to it one more time as she pays with a card and takes the corn dog and receipt. As she walks off, another customer walks to the counter without a cell phone and we start to carry a conversation.)

Next Customer: “Geez, she the only thing she seemed to care about was her corn dog! How do you deal with people like that?”

Me: “Just like I just did. So, now, how are you?”

A Trashy Pick Up Line

, | Canada | One-Liners, Rude & Risque

(I am in my teens, taking out the garbage. One of our regular customers, an elderly man who is a well-known jokester, comes up to me at the end of his meal. I’m switching out the trash bag.)

Elderly Man: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Taking out the trash.”

Elderly Man: “Well, I’m trash. Can you take me out?”

(I laugh into the garbage can.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t, but I’ll have to remember that one. It’s good!”