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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Trying To Get Caught With Your Pants Down

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

(A customer in his 60s approaches me.)

Customer: “Can I ask a strange question?”

Me: “Go ahead. I’d be happy to help.”

(He begins to adjust his pants.)

Customer: “Can you check the tag for my size?”

Me: “Let me stop you there, sir. The washroom is a short distance away and you can check the size yourself. When you get back I can help you find a pair of pants that fit you.”

Customer: “Coward! What is your name?!”

(I turned and walked away. I found out later that he complained to my manager that one of the employees refused to look down his pants.)

Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A Vile

| Duluth, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I take a phone call for someone in the bedding department:)

Customer: “I’m looking for a white duvet, but I need it to cover a bedspread that is 96 x 114. I can’t seem to find anything that will fit.”

Me: “The closest thing I have is only 104″, but I think you could fit an extra 10″ in just fine.”

Customer: “Oh, believe me, honey. I’ve stuffed 10″ in before!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Customer: *laughing* “What did you say your name was? I am definitely going to find you when I come in to the store!”

Me: “Um, I think I can have it waiting at the checkout for you.”

Number-Crusher

| Cornelius, OR, USA | At The Checkout, One-Liners, Rude & Risque

(I am 19 and working at the register in the slowest and emptiest part of the store, so I tend to get a lot of creepy people with no one in sight to help me. A customer in his 50s comes up and I ring him up. As I finish the transaction…)

Customer: “So, do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: *laughs, thinking he’s going to be sweet* “No.”

Customer: “Wanna go out some time?”

Me: “Oh, thank you but no.”

Customer: *gets annoyed* “Why not?”

Me: “Um… you’re just a little bit too old for me.”

Customer: “You know, age is just a number in your mind…”

Me: “Yeah, but yours is a REALLY big number…”