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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

A Phoned In Service

| Bastrop, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I’m a cashier for a retail store. Normally I’m pretty nice with one main exception: If you are on a phone, I will NOT talk to you. A customer come up to me talking on her phone and I proceed to scan up her items, giving a small smile and a nod to acknowledge her. For the most part the customer doesn’t seem to care until she’s almost done.)

Customer: “Where’s my corn dog?”

(She resumes her phone conversation as I put the corn dog on the counter next to the credit reader.)

Customer: “HEL-LO! Where’s my corn dog?”

(I silently start to put her items into the buggy while she’s STILL keeps talking on her phone as I point to the corn dog. For the next few moments she attempts to talk to me only to also talk to the phone.)

Customer: “HELLO! Are you sleepy?! Where is my corn dog!?”

(I point to it one more time as she pays with a card and takes the corn dog and receipt. As she walks off, another customer walks to the counter without a cell phone and we start to carry a conversation.)

Next Customer: “Geez, she the only thing she seemed to care about was her corn dog! How do you deal with people like that?”

Me: “Just like I just did. So, now, how are you?”

A Trashy Pick Up Line

, | Canada | One-Liners, Rude & Risque

(I am in my teens, taking out the garbage. One of our regular customers, an elderly man who is a well-known jokester, comes up to me at the end of his meal. I’m switching out the trash bag.)

Elderly Man: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Taking out the trash.”

Elderly Man: “Well, I’m trash. Can you take me out?”

(I laugh into the garbage can.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t, but I’ll have to remember that one. It’s good!”

How To Kiss Problem Customers Goodbye

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I normally take my lunch break when my husband gets off work. Today is a really busy day and I’m not getting my lunch break, so my husband has approached me at my checkout line. I give my husband a hug and quick peck on the cheek and say goodbye. I turn to my next customer.)

Customer: “Where’s mine?”

Me: “Your what?”

Customer: *very serious* “My hug and kiss. He got one. I want one, too.”

Me: “Oh! I only hug and kiss the customers I’m married to.”

Customer: *disgusted* “Well, that’s not good customer service. I wanted a hug and kiss!”

(A coworker then decides to step in. He’s a big guy about 6″ tall and very heavy.)

Coworker: “Well, it would be a shame to let you leave unhappy.”

Customer: “I know. It’s not fair that she kisses other men but won’t give me one!”

Coworker: “I’ll take care of that for you.”

(My coworker walks towards the customer with his arms out.)

Coworker: “Let me show her what customer service is. I’ll take care of that hug and kiss.”

Customer: “Uh… No, thanks!” *walks quickly to the front register*

Coworker: *to me* “What about my hug and kiss?”

Me: *smirks* “What about that marriage proposal?”