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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

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Balls To The Walls Crazy

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I work for a luxury furniture company that has recently featured giant faux-fur covered pilates balls. A woman in her mid-forties runs into the store with a clearly abnormal level of excitement about the product.)

Woman: “I just came in to touch your balls. Oh! They’re so soft, I could just sit on them naked. They look like dirty snowballs. I want a dirty snowball so bad.”

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Gives New Meaning To ‘Sweet Embrace’

| Ashford, Kent, UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m working in the bread aisle of a supermarket when a couple in their mid-30s approaches me.)

Male Customer: “Excuse me, mate, do you sell chocolate body paint at all?”

Me: “I am afraid we do not sell such an item here, sir.”

Male Customer: “Oh, that’s a shame. I was going to lick it off her tonight.”

(At this point the female customer picks up a bottle of honey.)

Male Customer: “Oh, god, no. We’re not using honey. It get’s stuck in my moustache.”

(After giving the couple directions to the local sex shop I saw them again twenty minutes later. The male customer looked at me with a beaming grin as he proudly showed off the chocolate yoghurt in his hand.)

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Gourd-ing Yourself Against Bad Jokes

| Brighton, England, UK | At The Checkout, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I just popped in to get some items in my local supermarket and this is my awkward conversation with the cashier.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything all right?”

Me: “Yes, yes, thank you.”

(By this point I had loaded up some chocolate, ice cream, yogurt etc. on to the conveyer.)

Me: “Huh looks like a lonely-girl’s-night-in purchase!”

(The cashier gave me a weird look, so I assumed they didn’t get my joke. I finished up the transaction in silence and started to walk home. It wasn’t until I got home and unpacked that I realised the reason the cashier gave me a funny look. I bought a cucumber. Safe to say I didn’t step foot in there again for quite some time!)