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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Doesn’t Provide THAT Kind Of Customer Service

| NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I have just started working at a small-town video store. I’m female, 20 years old, and look much younger. We have an ‘adult’ room in the back. Most customers who buy or rent the porn are middle-aged or elderly men, and are not remotely creepy. Most, in fact, were awkward around me at first because I looked like a teenage kid. They chat about the weather, they get their porn, and get out. One shift when I am working alone, one customer wanders into the store, heads straight to back room, and comes up to my till five minutes later with an armful of adult DVDs.)

Customer: “Just these, please.”

Me: “No problem, sir, give me a second to check the discs. That’ll be [total].”

Customer: “Thanks.” *pays* “Hey, I’m from out of town, just in for two days. Do you have the number to the escort service?”

Me: “Um, no. We actually don’t have one. This is a pretty small city.”

Customer: “What!? No escort service? Well, what about a gentlemen’s club? With dancers?”

Me: “No, sorry, there’s actually no strip clubs, either.” *laughs nervously* “We don’t have much to do here…”

Customer: *frowns* “Well, do you know anyone who works on the side? Someone a lonely out-of-town visitor can call and spend a few hours with?”

Me: *wanting to die at this point* “I… are you asking me if I know any prostitutes, sir? I can assure you that I don’t.”

Customer: “I’m not a cop or anything.”

Me: “And I’m not exactly a pimp, sir.”

Customer: “Why did I even come here!? This is the worst business trip I’ve ever been sent on! What do people do for fun around here anyway?!”

(The customer stormed out. It probably took another hour for the color to come back to my face, and for the feeling of ‘ew,’ to wear off.)

Transcontinental Breakfast

| Cumberland County, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I work the front desk night shift at our hotel, and one of my duties is to set up breakfast and make sure it is fully stocked until I clock out in the morning. I’m a young transgender woman and I’ve only informed the general manager of that fact. As far as I know neither my coworkers nor any guests can tell. I am restocking the sausage patties when this happens.)

Guest: “Oh, so you’re the one who cooks up all the breakfast, eh?”

Me: *smiles* “Yup, that’s me!”

(I quickly break away from the encounter to wrap up my shift. Soon enough my coworker is just about ready to let me go for the day, when the same guest from before passes by, spots me, and smiles.)

Guest: “There’s the sausage queen!”

Me: *speechless*

Coworker: *chuckles* “Sorry, the 12-year-old in me just had to laugh at that!”

Me: “They may never know just how funny that truly was.”

The Offer Is Sub-Standard

, | BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Top

(The sandwich shop I work in is only a block down the main street from a fairly rowdy nightclub. To alleviate problems we close two hours before the club does but we are often there long past closing to finish the cleanup. It is quite common for drunk people to bang on the door when it is well past closing and try to convince us to make them something. This particular night a group of four young men stumble past and one starts hollering through the locked glass door.)

Drunk Guy: “Hey, can you make me a sub?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Drunk Guy: “C’mon! It’ll just take a sec. Hey, you can just pocket the money and no one will ever know!”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so. Even if I wasn’t honest, we have security cameras.”

Drunk Guy: “Oh, c’mon. It’s just a sub. Please?”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed and all the food is put away.”

(By this point his friends are trying to drag him along but I can see that it’s become a rather inebriated point of pride for him to convince me.)

Drunk Guy: “Hey, I know. Tell ya what. I’ll sleep with you if you make me a sub!”

(I make a really obvious show of looking him up and down.)

Me: “And what’s in it for me?”

(He just stood there looking dumbfounded as his friends all cracked up laughing, one of them actually falling over because he was laughing so hard. Shortly thereafter they dragged him off, still in shock.)