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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Concept Of Unlimited Is Limited

| Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

(A couple come into the Italian restaurant where I work. I seat them and hand them menus. After a moment, the man waves me over.)

Me: “Hi there. How can I help you today?”

Husband: “I don’t see unlimited salad or breadsticks on your menu.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s a different restaurant. If you order the garlic bread, though, it comes with a lot of pieces! And our salads are very large.”

Husband: *to his wife* “I thought you said this place was just like Olive Garden.”

Wife: “I said it was Italian food like Olive Garden, sweetie. The menu’s not the same.”

Husband: *looking disappointed* “What’s chicken scallop pine?”

(I explain a few menu items, all of which he pronounces wrong, and they order. The woman kept giving me apologetic looks the whole time. Later, when I brought their food, the man was in the bathroom.)

Wife: “Sorry for the problems earlier. He’s not that bright, but he’s so good at other things, if you know what I mean.”

(I told her it was no problem, but I’m sure I was as red as our marinara sauce. It was really awkward serving them the rest of the meal, but she left a $20 tip.)

A Major Minor Mishap

, | Wales, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am 15 years old, and I work in my cousin’s burger van or cafe during the school breaks. Often I will be in the kiosk late at night when all the clubs close while my cousin is still working. One night a group of guys in their 30s comes up, slightly drunk, and ordered a bunch of food.)

Customer #1: “You having fun tonight?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Customer #2: “Oh, god, leave her alone, dude!”

Me: *laughs nervously*

Customer #1: “Oh, come on… Hey, you see that sausage on the hotplate?”

Me: “Uh, yeah?”

Customer #1: “I could give you double the sausage on that hotplate if you come back with me.”

Me: “Oh, is that so?”

Customer #1: “Oh yeah, totally.”

(I laugh and let him carry on, his friends just laughing at him.)

Me: “So, I’m curious. Do you always talk to minors like that?”

Customer #1: “What?!”

Me: “Well, I’m 15.”

(Customer #1 runs off in a hurry without his order, red faced.)

Customer #2: “Well, he won’t live that down any time soon!”

Can Give An Inch In A Pinch

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m a barista at a well known coffee chain. I only work the opening shift, which means I’m at the store at 5:30 am. This customer comes in around 6:15 am.)

Me: “Morning. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Americano.”

Me: “Sure. Do you need room for cream?”

(I think he answers no. I make the Americano, and fill the cup to the top, leaving no room for cream.)

Me: “Here’s your Americano. Have a great day!”

Customer: “You call this room?”

Me: “Sorry! I must have misheard you. I can pour some out for you, if you’d like.”

Customer: “Yes, please. Pour out about an inch.”

(I pour out a good inch of the beverage and hand it back to the guy.)

Customer: “You call this an inch? Clearly men have been lying to you your whole life, dear.”

(He immediately walks away, while I stand there, suffering from shock.)

Manager: “Did he just say what I think he said?”