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Category: Rude & Risque

For those who like their humor a bit more PG-13, this section is littered with customers who are not afraid to walk on the more brazen side, or act downright gross-out disgusting. Be warned though that toilet humor sometimes literally takes place in the toilet.

Caller Bit Off More Than He Could Chew

| Australia | Awesome Workers, Rude & Risque

(I work in a medical research institute, and the colleague sitting next to me handles recruitment for a large trial, so her name and phone number are on all the promotional material we hand out. She has a beautiful phone manner and I’ve never heard her say a harsh word to anyone. The phone rings.)

Colleague: “[Discipline] Research Centre, this is [Colleague]. How may I help you?”

(Pause.)

Colleague: *sweetly* “Well, sir, if you shoved you big throbbing c*** in my mouth, I’d bite it off. Will that be all?”

I’m Just Not That Kind Of Program!

| ON, Canada | Rude & Risque, Technology

(A customer has come in and noticed that we are now using Windows 10. He asks about Cortana, the voice activated assistant, so I give him a brief demo.)

Me: “So you can just say ‘Hey, Cortana,’ and then tell her what you want her to do. Give it a try!”

Customer: “Hey, ‘Cantina!’ Drop Your Dress!”

Me: “Maybe you should try it when you get home…”

Suited To Handle This Case

| Boston, MA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(A well-known guest comes down to the front desk.)

Me: “Hi, [Guest], how are you doing?”

Guest: “Not good at all.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Guest: “I need to be moved to a new room.”

(The hotel is at 100% occupancy so there is no way I can move her.)

Me: “Why would you need to be moved? Is there something wrong with the room?”

Guest: “Very wrong! There is a loud vibrating throughout the whole room and I won’t be able to sleep tonight unless I move because it is so bothersome!”

Me: “How about I come take a look in your room to see what the problem is?”

(We go up to her room, and she wasn’t wrong. The whole room was making a loud vibrating sound and was pretty disruptive.)

Guest: “See how bad it is? Move me now, please!”

(I walk around the room and notice the sound is loudest over in the corner by her suitcase.)

Me: “It seems to be coming from the corner of the room. Maybe something is going on in the room next door?”

Guest: “I have no idea but it’s really annoying me!”

(I notice the vibration is coming from her suitcase and I start to get nervous thinking I am about to discover something I am not suppose to see.)

Me: “Miss, it seems to be coming from your suitcase. Is there anything in there that would be making this sound.”

Guest: *looking nervous* “Oh, um, I didn’t even think of it coming from my suitcase. Let me go look.”

(She went over to the suitcase, looking embarrassed, and I started to feel awkward. I felt like I should have left before I saw what she pulled out but she told me to stay. My suspicion ended up being right; she pulled a vibrator out of her suitcase and apologized for the hassle. Then she continued to talk to me about unrelated events while casually holding the vibrator.)