Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

A Free Piece Of Advice

, | Cork, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion

(I work on chat support for customers. This one caller has been enquiring about getting a product, a well-known smart watch, for free like he saw on a prank video on Internet. This is the end of the conversation where I try to explain him why we don’t just give away free stuff.)

Me: “[Customer], let’s say you earn money to make a living by making a product and selling it. How would you react if a person asked you to give him one for free? You wouldn’t be very happy that this person would get a product but you wouldn’t get the money you need to pay your taxes and your food?”

Customer: “I would let him take it if he didn’t have money and God will always fix it.”

Me: “Now, let’s say that 100 people heard about what you did and all asked one for free. Soon you wouldn’t get any money at all.”

Customer: “No, God will fix it, but if he really doesn’t have any money I will give him one. God always fixes that.”

Me: *finally snapping* “Okay, then, you can ask God to send you a watch for free!”

Could Out-Trump Trump

| Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I am working for centre management for a shopping centre when a customer wishes to complain about the ‘tolerance’ of a Muslim butcher who chooses not to stock pork.)

Customer: “If you don’t have grandchildren or children then you’re not properly Australian.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You believe if you don’t have children at all, then you’re not Australian?”

Customer: “That’s right. Do you have grandchildren?”

Me: “No. I’m in my 30s.”

Customer: “Do you have children?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I just don’t.”

Customer: “Were you born in Australia?”

Me: “Yes.” *a lie, but it was easier to say yes*

Customer: “Well, you’re MOSTLY Australian, then.”

(Eventually getting back to his complaint about the butcher…)

Customer: “All Muslims want to take over the world with their lifestyle and practices and eradicate our culture. They say it all the time!”

Me: “I have several Muslim friends who don’t share that view.”

Customer: “Well you are one of the very few people in the world who are friends with a Muslim. And do you know we’ve got a female Prime Minister?” *we did at the time* “She’s conspiring with the Muslims, supporting their takeover because secretly, SHE IS ONE!”

Me: “I think you ought to shop for your meat elsewhere, mate.”

Injured In The Name Of The Lord

| Muskegon, MI, USA | Health & Body, Religion

(I work at a general store in town. A lot of God-fearing people tend to come in there, especially on Sundays, since we are across the street from a church. We always have to watch our language when we work. We are stocking the shelves, when someone knocks into it, and a large, heavy can of meat falls on the head of one of my fellow employees.)

Employee: *drops the ‘F’ Bomb and falls right to the floor*

(Everyone in the store hears it. I go running to where he is at, and sees that the can has hit him so hard, he is bleeding, and out cold.)

Me: “[Manager], call an ambulance!”

Female Customer: *marches up to me* “EXCUSE me?! Did I hear this young man say a foul word just outside the steps of The House of the Lord?”

Me: *panicking* “Ma’am, please, he needs help—”

Customer: “He NEEDS to ask forgiveness from our Lord and Savior for using the Devil’s language!”

Me: “I will make sure he does when he wakes up, but please—”

(At this point, the Customer goes off about how sinful it was for him to speak to church folk and ‘befouled the ears of the innocent’ with his unholy talk.)

Manager: “Ma’am, please step back. This man is injured.”

Customer: “He is injured because he speaks in wicked tongues!”

Me: *at this point, I am scared and angry* “No, he is injured because a f***ing can fell on this poor bastard’s head! Now PLEASE step the f*** away from him so the medic team here can help him!”

(The woman was mortified, but the manager was understanding that I was upset. She did leave, and filed a complaint with our office. I didn’t get into too much trouble, thankfully. though that woman refuses to enter that ‘den of sin’ store ever again. Also, the employee is all right. He just needed some stitches.)