Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 6

| WA, USA | Health & Body, Religion

(I am an RN that goes around to people’s homes. I get an order to obtain a blood draw from a particularly religious patient who refuses to let me try anywhere except the tiny blood vessels in her hand. As I’m on my second attempt, apparently she thinks I need a little help…)

Patient: *loudly, with eyes closed* “Lord Jesus, help her find that blood! Send the blood to her Jesus; she needs your help! Draw her to that vein, oh Lord, and show your power!”

Me: *as I finally hit a vein* “Got it!”

Patient: “Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome!”

Patient: “Not you.”

Me: “A little bit me…”

Related:
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3

Turning Alcohol Into Whine

| Wickham, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(Due to an unknown genetic disease, I’ve been left with almost no sense of smell. On this particular night, a drunk man comes in and accidentally drops his bottle of alcohol on the floor. Being the only one who can’t smell it, my supervisor sends me to clean the mess when this interaction occurs. Note that I am 19 and have moved out of home by this time.)

Customer: “Oh, darling, it mustn’t be very nice having to clean up after other people. But don’t you be getting high off of those alcohol fumes!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think you can get intoxicated just by inhaling this stuff, but I’m not bothered by the smell much.”

Customer: “I suppose you mustn’t be. A lot of children like you have drunken parents. I’m sorry you have to go home to that.”

Me: *a bit offended* “I actually moved out of home last year. I turn 20 soon and my parents never drank.”

Customer: “Now, you can try to cover for them but it’s okay to tell people about living with parents addicted to alcohol. Did they force you to drink? Is that why you aren’t bothered by the smell?”

Me: *rather irate at this point* “I have a disease. I can’t smell because of that. I’d like to stop talking to you about this now, if you don’t mind.”

(The customer bows and shakes her head slowly, and I can hear her tutting.)

Customer: “So they got to you too, did they? Poor innocent youth…Yes, addiction is a disease, but you can overcome it by listen to the word of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”

(By this point I’m astonished by her stupidity, and the mess is all clean. After giving her a weird look, I walk away and wonder what the heck just happened!)

And I’ll Have Some Muslin Muslims While I Am At It

| KY, USA | Funny Names, Religion

(I worked in a fabric store and had this conversation more times than I care to think about.)

Customer: “Do you have any Baptists?””

Me: “Do you mean batiste?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well batiste is a fabric and Baptists are a religious group.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I want three yards of Baptists.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell people. It’s against the law.”

Hard To Love Religion When It’s Full Of Hate

| FL, USA | Bigotry, Popular, Religion

(I’m Jewish and wear a Star of David pendant on a necklace everyday of my life. I have just finished ringing up a customer’s groceries.)

Customer: “What is that around your neck?”

Me: “It’s a Shield of David.”

Customer: “You should be ashamed of yourself, wearing that like it’s a real religion.”

Me: “I assure you, ma’am, we are a real religion and still strong numbers wise.”

Customer: “God wiped out all the heathens and gays so stop your lying. You must be mixed. Only mixed hate God.”

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us. Also, Jesus was a Middle Eastern Jew. Please don’t come again.”

(Thankfully, I’m a manager and my supervisor thought it was hilarious.)

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Church Of Death

| USA | Religion

(I’ve been hired to do some phone-banking. I’m given a list of names and numbers.)

Me: “Hello, is [Name] there?”

Customer: *pause* “She died last week.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that…”  *hangs up*

Coworker: “What happened?”

Me: “I just had a very awkward conversation.”

Coworker: “It’ll get better, I promise.”

(I dial the next number.)

Me: “Hello, is [Name] there?”

Customer #2: “What?”

Me: “I’m calling on behalf of—”

Customer #2: “Are you kidding? It’s Sunday! It’s my church day! You can’t do this!” *hangs up*

Me: “Yup, I don’t think it’s getting better…”

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