Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

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When Religion A-tax

| GA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Popular, Religion

(I’m the night auditor/overnight clerk at a random hotel adjacent to the interstate in Georgia. A potential client comes in around one am.)

Customer: “I’d like to rent a room.”

Me: “I have space available. Tonight’s price is [total] plus state and local tax.”

Customer: “I don’t have to pay tax.”

(Customer presents tax exemption form from Florida, naming a church, which exempts church activities from Florida state taxes.)

Me: “Well, I’m not familiar with Florida tax rules, but this doesn’t exempt Georgia taxes. I can’t waive them with this form.”

Customer: “You’re going to Hell.”

Me: “I’ve been through an audit. Hell sounds better. But if you are here on official business, it’s a simple matter to file for a refund in Georgia. I’m afraid that I can’t waive sales and use tax with these forms.”

Customer: “Thou whited sepulcher.”

Me: “Render unto Caesar.”

Customer: “God is going to smite you!”

Me: “I’ll be glad to rent a room to you, at [total] rate, plus tax. If you won’t pay the taxes, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Customer: “I don’t pay taxes! God’s people don’t pay taxes! If anyone calls for me, forward my calls to [Hotel across the street, which also collects proper taxes.] Good evening!”

Next Customer In Line: “What do you drink? You dealt with that like someone who drinks after work!”

(The next customer checked in, paid for his room and taxes, and came to the lobby an hour later with a six-pack for me.)

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Germaniac

, | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, History, Popular, Religion

(I’m slicing meat for a customer. I notice he’s wearing a shirt with a cartoon leprechaun flipping the middle finger and holding a half-empty glass of beer.)

Me: “Nice shirt.”

Customer: “Oh, this? Yeah, I’m Irish, so…”

Me: “I kinda figured.”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Well, my ancestors were mostly German—”

(Suddenly the customer stomps his feet together, stands at attention, and does the Nazi salute.)

Customer: “SIEG HEIL! SIEG HEIL!”

Me: “—Jews. German Jews.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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Xandra The Great

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Religion

(I work in a call center in Canada as a customer service agent for a well-known online bank located in the States. I am supposed to be doing some comparison testing for new programs so my trainer is listening to my calls with me while I am using the older systems. At this job, I go by Xander, short for Alexander. I’m also a mid-twenties, white male with no religious following.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. My name is Xander [Last Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, my! What a lovely name you have! I’m [Customer]. How do you spell your name?”

Me: “X-A-N-D-E-R.”

Customer: “Oh, X-A-N-D-R-A! Well, Xandra, it’s such a lovely name! Is it Asian by any chance? I don’t know if you are Asian or anything, but don’t you find it funny that most Asian names start with the letter X?”

(The customer goes on for about five minutes about Asian names as I mute my microphone, and my trainer and I are laughing to tears. She later reveals that she does think I’m Asian. Eventually, I unmute my mic and proceed to continue with the call, authenticating her and helping her with banking needs. While waiting for systems to load, she creates small talk, then she randomly asks.)

Customer: “My dear Xandra, have you heard of Billy Graham? He’s a wonderful person who follows the acts of God! You can buy his CDs online! He can help you, you know? I can give you a 1-800 number that can save your soul.”

Me: “No, thank you, Ms. [Customer]. While I do appreciate the thought, it is considered soliciting with providing me with a number like that. However, I will look it up the moment I get home.”

(I have to mute my mic while she is still talking about another topic so that I and my trainer can laugh again. I compose myself, unmute, and continue the call. At the end, I give the ending speech I’ve memorized so well and before I hang up, she asks me this.)

Customer: “Xandra, before you go, are you going to Heaven or Hell?”

Me: *stifling laughter* “I’m going to where the fun people are.”

Customer: “Is that Heaven?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it is, Ms. [Customer]. Have a great day!”

(The call ended. So, I went from Xander the mid-twenty white boy with no religious following, to Xandra, the Asian Evangelist. Considering the fact that I was constantly confused as a woman (my voice pitches high when I talk), I am unsure if this is an upgrade from the other phone calls I’ve had.)

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The Hunger Blames

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Religion

(I am working at the register in a bookstore when I see an older woman come in. She walks over to my coworker, who is shelving some copies of The Hunger Games when the lady asks him to help her reach a book.)

Customer: “Could you please help me reach a copy of the bible?”

Coworker: “Of course. If you’d give me a minute I’ll be right there.”

Customer: “Hold on. Do you have any other associates who could help me?”

Coworker: “Only [My Name] and I’m afraid she can’t currently help you as she is working at the register. I will be with you shortly.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want you touching my book! It’s for my grandson. But I don’t want it to be purchased from the same store that sells books like this! The Hunger Games is a very violent book and it should not be sold here. I want someone else to help me.”

Coworker: “Can I please point out that [My Name] works here, too? And I am sorry that you disapprove of this book, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion.”

Customer: “You are the one who is touching those books! I don’t want your blasphemous hands to touch it.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but if you don’t calm down I’m going to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “You know what? FINE! All I WANTED WAS A D*** BIBLE! But I guess I’m not getting one. I won’t be returning to your horrible bookstore. I’m going to speak to your supervisor. He’ll be appalled that you sell these books.”

(She slams a row of books to the floor then storms out.)

Coworker: “My ‘blasphemous hands’?”

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A Blessing In Disguise

| ID, USA | Bad Behavior, Religion

(I’m stocking bags of cookies, and a customer comes up to me.)

Me: “Hello, how are you doing?”

Customer: “I am so blessed, thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Do you ever think, when you’re doing your job, about how your company profits from the deprivation of children in third-world countries?”

Me: *thinking* “Um… no, but I’m certainly thinking about it now!”

Customer: “I just want to know.”

Me: “Sir… if you object to our business practices you’ll need to take that up with the corporate office.”

Customer: “But it’s a simple question. Yes or no?”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

(When they start with “I’m blessed,” it never ends well.)

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