Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

You Hanukkah’t Win, Part 2

| Lake George, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion

(My boss is finishing a transaction at the register. The customer has been rude and difficult the entire time that she’s been in the store. I am on the register next to her, looking something up for another customer.)

Boss: “Thank you for coming in today and have a happy holiday!”

(The lady’s face goes beet red and she starts yelling.)

Customer: “YOU SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS. I AM CHRISTIAN AND THIS IS AMERICA AND, GODD*** IT, YOU SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

(My boss’s eyes go wide.)

Boss: “Ma’am, please stop yelling.”

Customer: “I WILL NOT STOP YELLING.” *customer turns to me* “You must agree with me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t really have any say in this.”

Customer: “YOU WILL AGREE WITH ME!”

Me: “Ma’am, you misunderstand. I’m Jewish.”

(The customer looks between my boss and me and then storms out.)

Boss: “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Related:
You Hanukkah’t Win

You Hanukkah’t Win

| CA, USA | Holidays, Religion

(Most customers I get appreciate being wished a Merry Christmas and wish me one in return, which I thank them for. I get one rather aloof customer at my register.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am, and Merry Christmas.”

Customer: *sneers* “I’m atheist. I don’t celebrate Christmas.”

Me: *very excitedly, with a big smile* “I’m Jewish! Neither do I!”

Customer: *stares at me blankly*

Me: *waves* “Merry Christmas anyway!”

(She was too confused by my energy to say anything else and just left.)

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| Bentonville, AR, USA | Bizarre, Politics, Religion

(I get this call my first week after being promoted to customer service, and I don’t think it’s going to be an easy one to top.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *it’s obviously an old man by the voice* “I got a complaint for ya!”

Me: “All right, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was out driving the other week, and my truck broke down. I brought it to [Store] to get it fixed. You know what they told me?”

Me: “What did they tell you, sir?”

Customer: “They told me I needed a new car battery! I told them I didn’t want a new car battery. I’ve had this one for SIXTY YEARS, and I want to keep it! Well, they fixed up the truck, I brought it home, popped the hood, and do you know what I found?”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: “A new car battery! They STOLE my old one, and I want it back!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I can file a complaint for you. What store was this at?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you remember what city it was in?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, was it close to where you live?”

Customer: Yes.”

Me: “Great! What’s your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I may be old and tired, but I’m not stupid! I figure, if I can’t do anything good for other people, I may as well not have come home at all!”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “I DO NOT LIKE DONALD TRUMP!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “What’s your direct supervisor’s name?”

Me: “Mine? Her name is [Manager #1].”

Customer: “Is she voting for Trump?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Can I have your zip code?”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to help you, but I can’t help you if you don’t answer my questions! What is your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Now, son, don’t you go acting spoiled with me.”

Me: “Please give me your zip code.”

Customer: “It’s [zip code].”

Me: “Okay, so you live in [City #1, State]? You’ve got two stores in that area. Was the one you went to in [City #2] or [City #3]?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Fine… you went to the one in [City #2]. I’ll get the complaint sent to them. You’ll get a call back in three days. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well… there is one thing. My neighbor bought a TV, but it doesn’t work. I want to get him a refund.”

Me: “I can’t negotiate a refund with you, sir. He’ll have to call in himself.”

Customer: “He can’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I still can’t talk about it with you.

Customer: “Son, the Bible says to honor and to help your neighbor, and I intend to do that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it goes against company policy for me to discuss another customer’s money with you.”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “That name’s in the Bible! Do you know why you don’t deserve that name?”

Me: *sigh* “Because you don’t like me, sir?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Get me your manager right now.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Please hold.”

(I put him on hold and dial the manager line. A manager who is not my direct supervisor picks up. I fill her in on what’s happening and she agrees to take over the call.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there? I have [Manager #2] on the line with me.”

Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU SAID HER NAME WAS–”

(And then I hung up on him.)

 

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 4

| UK | Money, Religion

(I work in a call center for car insurance. We currently have a promotion for people over 50, where if their info matches up from last year (same registration, same main occupation, same people on policy, etc.) then we’ll price match their renewal offer from their existing company, and knock off an extra £50. Any deviation from what we need to match up means we can’t offer the promotion anymore: eg. if it was just one person on their original policy, and they want to add a second driver this time round, etc. They then have to send in their renewal premium as proof, as long as it matches, they’ll get the money refunded to make it the price of the over 50s offer.

This sort of thing happens constantly:)

Me: “And what is your current job?”

Customer #1: “Taxi driver.”

Me: “Okay, and is that what your job was last year on your renewal premium? Just checking it off my list.”

Customer #1: “No, I was working at a fish and chip place.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we can’t give you the offer, as your info no longer matches.”

Customer #1: “Well, just make it match, then!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean, sir?”

Customer #1: “Just say that I’m still working as a cashier at the fish and chip place!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. You’ve already told me that you’re a taxi driver.”

Customer #1: “So? Why can’t you change it? I said you have to make it match, so just make it match!”

Me: “It’s illegal to lie on your insurance, sir, and I can’t help you do that know that you’ve told me what your actual job is.”

Customer #1: “Well, I’ll just take my business elsewhere!” *hangs up*

(Another caller:)

Me: “And your main job?”

Customer #2: “I’m retired now, but I still do clergy work and service on the side.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll put you down as retired but ‘clergy’ in the part time occupation; is that the same as last year?”

Customer #2: “Last year I was a full-time clergy. I’m retired now, though.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but you don’t qualify for the offer as your info no longer matches up to last year.”

Customer #2: “What do you mean? I’m still a clergy, so of course it matches up.”

Me: “I know you said you still do it on the side, but you are fully retired now and that changes aspects of the quote, and it doesn’t match up anymore because you weren’t retired last year.”

Customer #2: “But I am a MAN. OF. GOD! That will never change! It’s not your usual type of job; I’ll never not be a clergy!”

Me: “That’s fair enough sir, but the main issue here is that you’re retired, but you weren’t last year. it doesn’t match up anymore.”

Customer #2: “OF COURSE IT MATCHES UP! I AM A MAN OF GOD! I WILL ALWAYS BE A MAN OF GOD! THAT WON’T CHANGE SO IT STILL MATCHES!”

Me: “Again, I understand that, but YOU. ARE. RETIRED. NOW. You were NOT retired last year; you ARE retired this year. IT. DOES. NOT. MATCH.”

Customer #2: “Well, this was a waste of time!” *hangs up*

(Yet another caller:)

Customer #3: “Oh, I’m so confused by this, Why do you have to make this so complicated!?”

Me: “I’ll try to explain again, sir. I’ve gotten all of your info, from what you’ve told me. It matches. We will charge you the full price now, and when you receive the free post envelope, send your renewal premium to us. When we see it matches, we’ll refund you the money for the offer.”

Customer #3: “Oh, but that’s so confusing. Why are you making it so difficult? Why can’t you just take it off now?”

Me: “We can’t do that, as we don’t know that it matches. Just send us your renewal premium and we’ll refund the money. That’s it.”

Customer #3: “Oh, but that’s so confusing. Why can’t you just take the price down now?”

Me: “I’ve already explained, sir. We just need the proof that it matches. We’ll send a free-postage envelope. Just send it in that and we’ll refund the money.”

Customer #3: “But that’s so complicated! Why can’t you just take the money off now?!”

Me: *face-palm*

(And my favourite:)

Customer #4: *who did a quote online first before phoning* “THIS IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS! YOU SAID IF IT MATCHED UP, YOU’D SAVE ME £50, BUT YOUR PRICE IS NEARLY £100 MORE EXPENSIVE! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING! HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME!”

Me: “Miss, the point of the offer is to give you a refund AFTER we see proof, and you did the quote online. Did you expect our website to just magically know what your renewal price was and it would automatically take the money off for you?”

Customer #4: *silence, then hangs up*

Related:
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 3
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 2
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

There’s Madness In The Methodist

, | Durham, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money, Religion

(I’m working a pumpkin sale at our church. All proceeds go to “mission work,” which is hunger relief in town and in Haiti, providing poor students at local schools with needed supplies, and Habitat for Humanity. We sell about two tractor trailer loads a season at slightly higher than regular retail, and do a lot of good work with the proceeds.)

Customer: “You’ve got such great pumpkins here!”

Me: “Thank you, we’re proud of our patch. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I like to make brandy out of pumpkins, so I’d like you to give me a discount on a big batch.”

Me: “Let me get this straight: you’re at a charity pumpkin sale at a church, and you’d like a moonshiner’s discount?”

Customer: *leaves in embarrassed silence*

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