Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Don’t (Mi)Stress Over It

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque

(Most of the clients are 18-year-old girls getting their navels done or university students wanting unusual cartilage piercings. It is a really friendly place with a good reputation. I get a call:)

Caller: “Hello? I was wondering if your studio has specific facilities?”

Me: “I’d be happy to help, sir. What kind of facilities—”

Caller: *cuts me off* “DON’T CALL ME SIR.” *in deadly serious whisper* “Call me mistress.”

Me: “Ah… yes, mistress?”

Caller: “That’s better. Is the studio sound-proof?”

Me: “No, mistress. I can’t say that it is.”

Caller: “I see. Does it have restraints?”

(The man in question goes on to ask an increasingly creepy list of demands. It turns out he’s a professional dominatrix and apparently people pay money to live with him and be his ‘slaves.’ Needless to say we weren’t what he was looking for, so I suggested he contact a few establishments located in the ‘sex industry’ areas of the city, who might be able to help.)

Me: “… anyway, mistress, to sum up for you, we just don’t do that sort of thing here. I hope [Other Business Names] will be able to assist you.”

Caller: *absolutely delighted* “Oh, you have been so helpful! Please, call me by my Christian name: Mistress Alexi!”

Boss: *after telling her all about it* “I’m pretty open-minded, but no way in h*** is there anything Christian about that!”

Wants The Number Of The Devil

| Robeline, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Religion

Customer: *leering* “I need $15 worth of [Cell Company] minutes and your phone number, sweetness.”

Me: *pretending I didn’t hear the last part* “$15 of [Cell Company] minutes. Okay.”

Customer: *smirking* “And your phone number.”

Me: *curtly* “Not happening. I have a boyfriend.” *prints the slip* “It’s $15.50.”

Customer: *pays in exact change* “So, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

Me: *deadpan* “What are you talking about? I clawed my way up from Hell.”

(He quickly left and hasn’t asked for my number since.)

Not In Anyone’s Good Books

| Bridgeport, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Religion

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I have a constitutional right to have my late fee waived!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Please be advised that your payment didn’t post until five days after the due date, so the late fee is valid.”

Caller: “Sir, do you realize that ‘The Good Book’ says you must forgive those of their transgressions?”

Me: “Yes, I do. Please be advised that same book also says, ‘You reap what you sow.’ Sorry, but the late fee is valid.”

Caller: “I suppose you’re going to tell me that the credit card agreement prevents you from doing that and that its my responsibility to have read it?”

Me: “Correct.”

Caller: “You know what… GO F*** YOURSELF!”