Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Must Go To A Happy-Apping Church

| UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology, Top

(I work for a large, nationwide cellphone retailer in their customer service call center. I’m trying to assist a customer with troubleshooting her smartphone which is doing a number of odd things.)

Customer: “The screen freezes, applications crash, it’s going slow, and calls drop. Once the screen goes into sleep mode on a call I can’t get it to come back up, but then I can’t get it to automatically go into sleep mode otherwise. Someone else has to hang up otherwise the phone will just keep going on the call. On top of all that, the camera. OH, THE CAMERA! It will randomly take pictures! I don’t even have to have the camera up! The flash will go off and a picture appears on the screen!”

Me: “Wow… sounds like you need a priest, not a technician.”

Customer: *without skipping a beat* “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!”

Me: “Thank you… That made my night.”

Casting The First Stone Cold Glare

| Anaheim, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Religion, Top

(I am visiting two good Jewish friends. They are gay men and engaged. We’re at a coffee shop for breakfast.)

Friend #1: *holding Friend #2’s hand* “Hey [Friend #2], what do you want?”

Friend #2: “[Store Brand Drink], babe.”

Customer #1: *spies them holding hands* “You should be ashamed of acting like that in public! There are children and God-fearing people in here! Couple of sick f**s…”

Friend #1: “We’re not f**s. We’re gay. Last time I checked, we’re not cigarettes or bundles of twigs.”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a couple of sinners! You’re going to burn!”

Friend #2: “So what are you drinking, [My Name]?”

Me: “[Store Brand Drink], please!”

Friend #2: *to Customer #1* “What about you, mister? What are you drinking?”

Customer #1: *splutters* “I am not accepting charity from some dirty, sick homosexual!”

Friend #1: “If your Jesus was brave enough to dine with prostitutes, the least you could do is accept our ‘charity.'”

Customer #1: “F*** you!”

Friend #1 & #2: *deadpan* “No, thanks. You’re not my type.”

Customer #1: *screams* “This whole place is going to Hell!” *storms out*

Customer #2: *starts clapping* “That… was… AWESOME! Please, let me pay for your order!”

Me: “Nah, thanks. I’ll get it for them.”

Manager: “No, you won’t. This order is on the house!”

Doesn’t Work Its Magic On Some Customers

| San Diego, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Religion

(An adult shopping for her child picks up a book from the ‘Magic: The Gathering franchise’.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a great one, especially if you play the card game.”

Patron: *looking at the cover* “This art is really cool. What’s it about?”

Me: “That one is about a couple of mages who are working on a inter-dimensional teleporter, and some of the politics surrounding the mage’s school they work at.”

Patron: “Is it… you know… violent?”

Me: “A bit. Nothing you won’t see in any modern action movie though. I’d rate it PG.”

Patron: “Oh, awesome. I’ll take the whole series.”

(We have 20 books in the franchise.)

Me: “Great! So, is your kid into fantasy and magic and such? We have lots of—”

Patron: *gasps* “MAGIC?!”

Me: “… Yeah?”

Patron: “You mean… like WITCHCRAFT?!” *crosses herself and runs out*