Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Put Your Faith In The Patch

| Canada | Health & Body, Religion, Tourists/Travel

(I work on a cruise line’s guest services desk. Frequently, passengers wear little patches that prevent sea sickness. One man comes to my desk.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Man: “I was wondering what religion the people with the patches are.”

What Would Jesus Do For Free Wifi

| Toledo, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Technology

(I used to work for an Internet broadband company, and in addition to technical questions, I would also have to be able to resolve billing issues. The customer who calls this time, however, has an interesting take on things:)

Me: “Let’s take a look at your account. Just give me one moment to call—”

Caller: MY INTERNET’S BUSTED!

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am; it will take just one moment. Ah, here we go. It seems that this account has not been paid on for three months, so we have suspended yo—”

Caller: “WHY’S MY INTERNET SHUT OFF?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can understand your frustration, but due to non-payment, we’ve suspended your account. However, if you would like to make a credit card payment over the phone, I can go ahead an—”

Caller: “I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD! WHY IS MY INTERNET NOT WORKING?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t turn you back on until a portion of the balance is paid off. if you are able to make a partial payment o—”

Caller: “TURN ME BACK ON! I NEED MY INTERNET!” *in a suddenly quiet voice* “Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off.”

Me: *startled blink* “Pardon, ma’am?”

Caller: *gaining steam* “I said, Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off! I don’t have the money to pay for this, but he wouldn’t have shut me off!”

Me: “…I do apologize ma’am, but I don’t see where this is relevant to your overdue bill—”

Caller: “JESUS LOVED EVERYONE AND WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME FREE INTERNET!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you remember biblical quotes? Wasn’t it Jesus himself who said, ‘render unto Caesar, that which is Caesar’s, and render unto God, that which is God’s?'”

Caller: *silence*

Me: “Anyway, I cannot turn you back on until you’ve made a payment.”

Caller: “LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “My pleasure!”

Judged Unworthy To Judge

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Religion

(I am wearing rabbit ears the week before the Easter holiday while I ring groceries.)

Customer: “And do you go to church on Easter?”

Me: “No, I celebrate with baskets, candy, and a nice family meal.”

Customer: “I don’t think Jesus would approve of that.”

Me: “Luckily for me, Jesus wasn’t exactly known to judge people.”

(That shut him up!)