Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

The Devil’s Pay Book

| USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money, Religion

(I was checking out an older lady from my church. She never struck me as superstitious at all.)

Me: “Okay that comes to, um, $6.66.”

(Her eyes got wide and she grabbed something off the rack at random.)

Customer: “And this keychain!”

Me: “Okay, that’s $8.63.”

Customer: “Much better. Sorry, but I’m going for surgery Monday. I’m not going to risk it.”

(I told my coworker, her nephew, and he cracked up and bought her a rabbit’s foot, just in case.)

Afterlife After Hours

| Telford, England, UK | Religion

(We are working in what used to be an old-fashioned hardware shop, turning it into offices. The front door is open. A member of the public sticks their head round the door…)

Man: “Are you reopening?”

Me: “As offices. Sorry.”

Man: “Where has the old bloke gone?”

Me: “He died. The business closed.”

Man: “Yes, but where did he go?”

Me: “That rather depends on your views on the afterlife.”

Man: “I mean, where is he running his shop now?”

Me: “I’m sorry. He’s dead. The shop is closed.”

Man: “…” *walks off*

Putting Him At Trees

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Holidays, Religion

(I am a cashier at a department store where we sell a little bit of everything. I work over in the Home department which includes Garden. It’s around 10 pm and just a few days until Christmas when I have this man come through my line with a Christmas Tree.)

Me: “Hi! Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: “Yeah. I bet this is something you’ve never seen before. A Jewish man buying a Christmas tree.”

Me: *I look at him, not realizing he is Jewish, and then look at the tree and shrug* “No one said you had to get the tree to celebrate Christmas. I read somewhere that in Europe, in a country where the sun doesn’t come up for months at a time, that they would bring the trees into their house and decorate them with ornaments and candles because they knew that they wouldn’t see the light or nature again for months. And that’s where the Christmas tree supposedly comes from.”

Customer: *he stared at me and then grinned* “Wow! That actually makes me feel a lot better! Thanks!”

You Hanukkah’t Win, Part 2

| Lake George, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion

(My boss is finishing a transaction at the register. The customer has been rude and difficult the entire time that she’s been in the store. I am on the register next to her, looking something up for another customer.)

Boss: “Thank you for coming in today and have a happy holiday!”

(The lady’s face goes beet red and she starts yelling.)

Customer: “YOU SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS. I AM CHRISTIAN AND THIS IS AMERICA AND, GODD*** IT, YOU SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

(My boss’s eyes go wide.)

Boss: “Ma’am, please stop yelling.”

Customer: “I WILL NOT STOP YELLING.” *customer turns to me* “You must agree with me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t really have any say in this.”

Customer: “YOU WILL AGREE WITH ME!”

Me: “Ma’am, you misunderstand. I’m Jewish.”

(The customer looks between my boss and me and then storms out.)

Boss: “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Related:
You Hanukkah’t Win

You Hanukkah’t Win

| CA, USA | Holidays, Religion

(Most customers I get appreciate being wished a Merry Christmas and wish me one in return, which I thank them for. I get one rather aloof customer at my register.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am, and Merry Christmas.”

Customer: *sneers* “I’m atheist. I don’t celebrate Christmas.”

Me: *very excitedly, with a big smile* “I’m Jewish! Neither do I!”

Customer: *stares at me blankly*

Me: *waves* “Merry Christmas anyway!”

(She was too confused by my energy to say anything else and just left.)

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