Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Donuts Are The Devil

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Religion

(I’m working the night shift at a convenience store. Every week, we have a different product to ‘upsell’ – that is, we have to ask customers if they’d like to purchase the item on our tills because it is on special offer. A middle-aged man comes to my till with some bread and milk. The transaction is fairly normal until…)

Me: “Would you like any of these doughnuts today, sir? They’re on offer at £1 a box.”

Customer: *still smiling* “Oh, no, dear. I couldn’t possibly. They’re for devil worshippers, you see.”

(I half laugh, unsure if he’s serious. He looks below my till at a display of egg-shaped chocolate.)

Customer: “And here’s your Easter eggs. All for devil worshippers, too.” *laughs* “Take care, sweetheart.”

(He left, and I spend the rest of the night wondering what is satanic about a jam doughnut.)

Just A Normal Day In The Republic

| Poutlney, Vermont, USA | Bizarre, Politics, Religion

(I’m at the register when an older gentleman wearing an USMC cap walks briskly into the store. He asks if we still have our jumbo-sized eggs. I tell him yes and point him in the direction. The conversation happens while I’m cashing him out.)

Customer: “Do you have children?”

Me: “No, I do not.”

Customer: “Are you married?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Good. When you decide to have children, take it slow. Make sure you do it right.”

Me: “Okay… I will…?”

Customer: “What does your husband do?”

Me: “He works here in the store.”

Customer: “Oh, good. In the meantime, make sure he’s baptized and votes Republican. Have a good day now.”

Me: “You, too…” *to myself after customer walks out the door* “Did that really just happen?”

Tobaccosaurus

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids, History, Pets & Animals, Religion

(I work as an educator in a science museum in St. Louis. One of the activities in my section of the museum involved putting together the cast of a Dromaeosaurus skeleton.)

Eight-Year-Old Boy: “I know why this dinosaur died.”

Me: “You do?”

Eight-Year-Old Boy: “He was a smoker.”

(Later that day, a middle school group is passing by…)

Seventh-Grade Girl: *addressing her peers* “This dinosaur died because he didn’t believe in Jesus.”