Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

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When I Went Down To The Inflatable Pool To Pray…

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Bizarre, Religion

(I am lifeguard at the beach. For the summer, my bosses install a big inflatable circuit where people try to go through without falling. Of course, all the water around is reserved for the activity. People need to go further to swim in the lake. During the day, a man all dressed in black is entering the restricted water zone. He’s followed by many women, all dressed in white. They started to sing hymns and pray.)

Me: *on the walkie talkie* “Erm… inflatable lifeguard one to manager.”

Manager: *on the walkie talkie* “Manager tuned.”

Me: *trying really hard to speak, so much I’m laughing* “There… is… a… bap… baptising …in the water…”

Manager: “What? Can you repeat?”

Me: “There is a BAPTISING in the inflatable water.”

Manager: “…”

Me: “They are singing and praying. The preacher is baptising every woman, one by one.”

Manager: “I’m… I’m coming…”

(I see all other lifeguards looking and laughing from their chair. Finally, the manager comes after ten minutes. He just leans on the “Denied Access” notice and looks at them, dumbfounded. They finally leave the water, but not before another woman comes up to me, angry.)

Woman: “Soooo, we can baptise in the beach, now?!”

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The Devil’s In The Digital

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion, Technology

(We specialize in household goods that supermarkets won’t carry but people still need, like phones, vacuum cleaners, perfumes, mobile phones, electric razors, cooking appliances, the works.)

Customer: “You, umm, you work here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “I need a wireless house phone! Where do you have those?”

Me: “Right over here, sir. If you’ll follow me…”

(Now, protocol for the store is that all items are locked behind glass as display items, and sold items come up from the warehouse. All products come with a code that customers tell the cashiers to have their products brought up.)

Customer: “Hmm, how about that one? That’s a double set, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is. Good brand, too.”

Customer: “Hmm… Can you take it out, so I can feel it in my hand?”

Me: “No, sir, this is our display model. I’m not allowed to take it out without permission from our manager or assistant manager.”

Customer: “But I need to check if it’s a digital phone.”

(All wireless phones we sell are digital. I’ve never heard of an analog wireless phone.)

Me: “They’re all digital, sir.”

Customer: “All? But digital signals cause the Devil to whisper into your brain and cause cancer! I demand you show me an analog wireless phone.”

(This goes back and forth a bit, with me explaining that there is no such thing as an analog wireless phone. A second part about this is that I’ve literally never encountered an as openly religious person in my life before this as this customer was, because keeping your faith to yourself and not forcing it upon others is a big part of society here.)

Customer: “The Devil has already whispered into your brain! I know it! NOW SHOW ME AN ANALOG WIRELESS PHONE!”

Me: “Sir, it’s literally impossible to avoid digital signals in this day and age. Wireless Internet is a digital signal. Wi-Fi is a digital signal. Television is mostly a digital signal nowadays. Even that cellphone you put in your pocket before you walked in? That’s also a digitally encoded signal.”

(At this point the customer just stared at me and walked out of the door, holding a silver crucifix and murmuring prayers.)

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The Unholy Receipt

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

(I am standing in line and overhear this exchange between the current customer and the cashier.)

Cashier: “Your total is $6.66.”

(There is an awkward pause as they both kind of look around.)

Cashier: “Do you want to add on a candy bar?”

Customer: “No… I just won’t look at it.”

Cashier: “And just throw the receipt away?”

Customer: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Just don’t throw it away in here!”

Customer: “No, I will throw it away outside!”

(The transaction finishes with a couple of laughs and smiles and the customer walks out the door with her purchase.)

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