Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Good Lord, Donate!

| USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

(I am a cashier checking someone out. At this point, I can see the total: $6.66.)

Me: “Would you like to donate today?” *this is a standard question*

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “All right! Your total is 6-6-6.”

Customer: *grabbing a candy bar* “Can’t have that! I’ll add this, please.”

Me: “Or you could just donate.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, right! I’ll donate, then.”

The Book Of Buffy

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Movies & TV, Religion

(A customer overhears me talking to a customer/friend:)

Me: “…died but then was resurrected again.”

(I notice her hovering so I stop talking and ask her if she needs help.)

Customer: “I’m in no rush, Are you explaining the bible to her?”

Me: “Uh, no. Buffy.”

Customer: *looks bewildered* “Who?”

Don’t Drink And Drive Or You’ll Spill Jesus’ Blood

| Denver, CO, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Religion, Transportation

(As I am driving along in my squad car I see someone driving while drinking a water bottle full of a dark red liquid. I pull up next to them at a red light.)

Me: “Is that wine?”

Driver: “….d***, Jesus did it again.”

(I arrested her, needless to say.)

The Lord Himself Will Not Move That Car

| NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Transportation

(I work as the receptionist at a church, on a day when no one else is there. Because I am young, and working alone on everyone else’s day off, what I am allowed to do is very limited. I am 16, but look about 14.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “I need to see who is in charge!”

Me: “It’s our priest’s day off, I’m sorry. There’s just me, and I—”

Customer: “There is someone in my parking spot!”

Me: “We share the lot in the back with a few other businesses, so if someone—”

Customer: “THERE IS A GREEN TRUCK IN MY PARKING SPOT.”

Me: “Is it a green pickup with a dent in the door?”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s in my spot.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I’m a little confused, because you just described my car. It’s in a church spot, and it has a [Church]’s permit on the dashboard.”

Customer: “We are a new business that moved in where the Boy’s and Girl’s club was! We are entitled to spaces in the parking lot!”

Me: “The spaces with the signs that say, ‘Boy’s and Girl’s Club Parking Only’ are probably yours. Ours say ‘[Church] Parking Only,’ and I’m in a [Church]’s spot.”

Customer: “It’s not your lot. It’s the city’s lot. We only get two spaces and the church has six and the one that has the green truck should be ours!”

(She’s getting louder and I’m getting concerned.)

Me: “We’re a large building and all the spots in the left aisle have been ours since we built the parking lot. The city doesn’t own it. We do, and we rent the other six spaces to—”

Customer: “I want to talk to someone in charge!”

Me: “I can leave a note but I’m the only person in this entire building, so if I can’t help you, you’ll need to come back tomorrow.”

Customer: “Can you do ANYTHING to help me?”

Me: *listing one of the two things I’m allowed to do* “I can leave an urgent note for the priest to call you, and she’ll get back to you first thing in the morning tomorrow to talk about this.”

Customer: “That’s no help. What can you do right now?”

Me: *listing the other thing* “I can unlock the sanctuary so you can have meditative time with the Lord?”

Customer: “I don’t want religion. I want that parking space! There’s a number on the sign. I’m going to tow that car!”

(My car did not get towed.)

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Thou Shalt Not Pay Full Price

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Religion

(I work at a hardware store. I come across a man in an aisle with his head bowed down.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’m just praying for a coupon.”

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