Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

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Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 4

| UK | Money, Religion

(I work in a call center for car insurance. We currently have a promotion for people over 50, where if their info matches up from last year (same registration, same main occupation, same people on policy, etc.) then we’ll price match their renewal offer from their existing company, and knock off an extra £50. Any deviation from what we need to match up means we can’t offer the promotion anymore: eg. if it was just one person on their original policy, and they want to add a second driver this time round, etc. They then have to send in their renewal premium as proof, as long as it matches, they’ll get the money refunded to make it the price of the over 50s offer.

This sort of thing happens constantly:)

Me: “And what is your current job?”

Customer #1: “Taxi driver.”

Me: “Okay, and is that what your job was last year on your renewal premium? Just checking it off my list.”

Customer #1: “No, I was working at a fish and chip place.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we can’t give you the offer, as your info no longer matches.”

Customer #1: “Well, just make it match, then!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean, sir?”

Customer #1: “Just say that I’m still working as a cashier at the fish and chip place!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. You’ve already told me that you’re a taxi driver.”

Customer #1: “So? Why can’t you change it? I said you have to make it match, so just make it match!”

Me: “It’s illegal to lie on your insurance, sir, and I can’t help you do that know that you’ve told me what your actual job is.”

Customer #1: “Well, I’ll just take my business elsewhere!” *hangs up*

(Another caller:)

Me: “And your main job?”

Customer #2: “I’m retired now, but I still do clergy work and service on the side.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll put you down as retired but ‘clergy’ in the part time occupation; is that the same as last year?”

Customer #2: “Last year I was a full-time clergy. I’m retired now, though.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but you don’t qualify for the offer as your info no longer matches up to last year.”

Customer #2: “What do you mean? I’m still a clergy, so of course it matches up.”

Me: “I know you said you still do it on the side, but you are fully retired now and that changes aspects of the quote, and it doesn’t match up anymore because you weren’t retired last year.”

Customer #2: “But I am a MAN. OF. GOD! That will never change! It’s not your usual type of job; I’ll never not be a clergy!”

Me: “That’s fair enough sir, but the main issue here is that you’re retired, but you weren’t last year. it doesn’t match up anymore.”

Customer #2: “OF COURSE IT MATCHES UP! I AM A MAN OF GOD! I WILL ALWAYS BE A MAN OF GOD! THAT WON’T CHANGE SO IT STILL MATCHES!”

Me: “Again, I understand that, but YOU. ARE. RETIRED. NOW. You were NOT retired last year; you ARE retired this year. IT. DOES. NOT. MATCH.”

Customer #2: “Well, this was a waste of time!” *hangs up*

(Yet another caller:)

Customer #3: “Oh, I’m so confused by this, Why do you have to make this so complicated!?”

Me: “I’ll try to explain again, sir. I’ve gotten all of your info, from what you’ve told me. It matches. We will charge you the full price now, and when you receive the free post envelope, send your renewal premium to us. When we see it matches, we’ll refund you the money for the offer.”

Customer #3: “Oh, but that’s so confusing. Why are you making it so difficult? Why can’t you just take it off now?”

Me: “We can’t do that, as we don’t know that it matches. Just send us your renewal premium and we’ll refund the money. That’s it.”

Customer #3: “Oh, but that’s so confusing. Why can’t you just take the price down now?”

Me: “I’ve already explained, sir. We just need the proof that it matches. We’ll send a free-postage envelope. Just send it in that and we’ll refund the money.”

Customer #3: “But that’s so complicated! Why can’t you just take the money off now?!”

Me: *face-palm*

(And my favourite:)

Customer #4: *who did a quote online first before phoning* “THIS IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS! YOU SAID IF IT MATCHED UP, YOU’D SAVE ME £50, BUT YOUR PRICE IS NEARLY £100 MORE EXPENSIVE! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING! HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME!”

Me: “Miss, the point of the offer is to give you a refund AFTER we see proof, and you did the quote online. Did you expect our website to just magically know what your renewal price was and it would automatically take the money off for you?”

Customer #4: *silence, then hangs up*

Related:
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 3
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 2
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

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There’s Madness In The Methodist

, | Durham, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money, Religion

(I’m working a pumpkin sale at our church. All proceeds go to “mission work,” which is hunger relief in town and in Haiti, providing poor students at local schools with needed supplies, and Habitat for Humanity. We sell about two tractor trailer loads a season at slightly higher than regular retail, and do a lot of good work with the proceeds.)

Customer: “You’ve got such great pumpkins here!”

Me: “Thank you, we’re proud of our patch. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I like to make brandy out of pumpkins, so I’d like you to give me a discount on a big batch.”

Me: “Let me get this straight: you’re at a charity pumpkin sale at a church, and you’d like a moonshiner’s discount?”

Customer: *leaves in embarrassed silence*

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Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 6

| WA, USA | Health & Body, Religion

(I am an RN that goes around to people’s homes. I get an order to obtain a blood draw from a particularly religious patient who refuses to let me try anywhere except the tiny blood vessels in her hand. As I’m on my second attempt, apparently she thinks I need a little help…)

Patient: *loudly, with eyes closed* “Lord Jesus, help her find that blood! Send the blood to her Jesus; she needs your help! Draw her to that vein, oh Lord, and show your power!”

Me: *as I finally hit a vein* “Got it!”

Patient: “Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome!”

Patient: “Not you.”

Me: “A little bit me…”

Related:
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3

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Turning Alcohol Into Whine

| Wickham, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(Due to an unknown genetic disease, I’ve been left with almost no sense of smell. On this particular night, a drunk man comes in and accidentally drops his bottle of alcohol on the floor. Being the only one who can’t smell it, my supervisor sends me to clean the mess when this interaction occurs. Note that I am 19 and have moved out of home by this time.)

Customer: “Oh, darling, it mustn’t be very nice having to clean up after other people. But don’t you be getting high off of those alcohol fumes!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think you can get intoxicated just by inhaling this stuff, but I’m not bothered by the smell much.”

Customer: “I suppose you mustn’t be. A lot of children like you have drunken parents. I’m sorry you have to go home to that.”

Me: *a bit offended* “I actually moved out of home last year. I turn 20 soon and my parents never drank.”

Customer: “Now, you can try to cover for them but it’s okay to tell people about living with parents addicted to alcohol. Did they force you to drink? Is that why you aren’t bothered by the smell?”

Me: *rather irate at this point* “I have a disease. I can’t smell because of that. I’d like to stop talking to you about this now, if you don’t mind.”

(The customer bows and shakes her head slowly, and I can hear her tutting.)

Customer: “So they got to you too, did they? Poor innocent youth…Yes, addiction is a disease, but you can overcome it by listen to the word of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”

(By this point I’m astonished by her stupidity, and the mess is all clean. After giving her a weird look, I walk away and wonder what the heck just happened!)

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And I’ll Have Some Muslin Muslims While I Am At It

| KY, USA | Funny Names, Religion

(I worked in a fabric store and had this conversation more times than I care to think about.)

Customer: “Do you have any Baptists?””

Me: “Do you mean batiste?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well batiste is a fabric and Baptists are a religious group.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I want three yards of Baptists.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell people. It’s against the law.”

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