Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

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Afterlife After Hours

| Telford, England, UK | Religion

(We are working in what used to be an old-fashioned hardware shop, turning it into offices. The front door is open. A member of the public sticks their head round the door…)

Man: “Are you reopening?”

Me: “As offices. Sorry.”

Man: “Where has the old bloke gone?”

Me: “He died. The business closed.”

Man: “Yes, but where did he go?”

Me: “That rather depends on your views on the afterlife.”

Man: “I mean, where is he running his shop now?”

Me: “I’m sorry. He’s dead. The shop is closed.”

Man: “…” *walks off*

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Putting Him At Trees

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Holidays, Religion

(I am a cashier at a department store where we sell a little bit of everything. I work over in the Home department which includes Garden. It’s around 10 pm and just a few days until Christmas when I have this man come through my line with a Christmas Tree.)

Me: “Hi! Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: “Yeah. I bet this is something you’ve never seen before. A Jewish man buying a Christmas tree.”

Me: *I look at him, not realizing he is Jewish, and then look at the tree and shrug* “No one said you had to get the tree to celebrate Christmas. I read somewhere that in Europe, in a country where the sun doesn’t come up for months at a time, that they would bring the trees into their house and decorate them with ornaments and candles because they knew that they wouldn’t see the light or nature again for months. And that’s where the Christmas tree supposedly comes from.”

Customer: *he stared at me and then grinned* “Wow! That actually makes me feel a lot better! Thanks!”

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You Hanukkah’t Win, Part 2

| Lake George, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion

(My boss is finishing a transaction at the register. The customer has been rude and difficult the entire time that she’s been in the store. I am on the register next to her, looking something up for another customer.)

Boss: “Thank you for coming in today and have a happy holiday!”

(The lady’s face goes beet red and she starts yelling.)

Customer: “YOU SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS. I AM CHRISTIAN AND THIS IS AMERICA AND, GODD*** IT, YOU SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

(My boss’s eyes go wide.)

Boss: “Ma’am, please stop yelling.”

Customer: “I WILL NOT STOP YELLING.” *customer turns to me* “You must agree with me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t really have any say in this.”

Customer: “YOU WILL AGREE WITH ME!”

Me: “Ma’am, you misunderstand. I’m Jewish.”

(The customer looks between my boss and me and then storms out.)

Boss: “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Related:
You Hanukkah’t Win

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You Hanukkah’t Win

| CA, USA | Holidays, Religion

(Most customers I get appreciate being wished a Merry Christmas and wish me one in return, which I thank them for. I get one rather aloof customer at my register.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am, and Merry Christmas.”

Customer: *sneers* “I’m atheist. I don’t celebrate Christmas.”

Me: *very excitedly, with a big smile* “I’m Jewish! Neither do I!”

Customer: *stares at me blankly*

Me: *waves* “Merry Christmas anyway!”

(She was too confused by my energy to say anything else and just left.)

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| Bentonville, AR, USA | Bizarre, Politics, Religion

(I get this call my first week after being promoted to customer service, and I don’t think it’s going to be an easy one to top.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *it’s obviously an old man by the voice* “I got a complaint for ya!”

Me: “All right, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was out driving the other week, and my truck broke down. I brought it to [Store] to get it fixed. You know what they told me?”

Me: “What did they tell you, sir?”

Customer: “They told me I needed a new car battery! I told them I didn’t want a new car battery. I’ve had this one for SIXTY YEARS, and I want to keep it! Well, they fixed up the truck, I brought it home, popped the hood, and do you know what I found?”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: “A new car battery! They STOLE my old one, and I want it back!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I can file a complaint for you. What store was this at?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you remember what city it was in?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, was it close to where you live?”

Customer: Yes.”

Me: “Great! What’s your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I may be old and tired, but I’m not stupid! I figure, if I can’t do anything good for other people, I may as well not have come home at all!”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “I DO NOT LIKE DONALD TRUMP!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “What’s your direct supervisor’s name?”

Me: “Mine? Her name is [Manager #1].”

Customer: “Is she voting for Trump?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Can I have your zip code?”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to help you, but I can’t help you if you don’t answer my questions! What is your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Now, son, don’t you go acting spoiled with me.”

Me: “Please give me your zip code.”

Customer: “It’s [zip code].”

Me: “Okay, so you live in [City #1, State]? You’ve got two stores in that area. Was the one you went to in [City #2] or [City #3]?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Fine… you went to the one in [City #2]. I’ll get the complaint sent to them. You’ll get a call back in three days. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well… there is one thing. My neighbor bought a TV, but it doesn’t work. I want to get him a refund.”

Me: “I can’t negotiate a refund with you, sir. He’ll have to call in himself.”

Customer: “He can’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I still can’t talk about it with you.

Customer: “Son, the Bible says to honor and to help your neighbor, and I intend to do that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it goes against company policy for me to discuss another customer’s money with you.”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “That name’s in the Bible! Do you know why you don’t deserve that name?”

Me: *sigh* “Because you don’t like me, sir?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Get me your manager right now.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Please hold.”

(I put him on hold and dial the manager line. A manager who is not my direct supervisor picks up. I fill her in on what’s happening and she agrees to take over the call.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there? I have [Manager #2] on the line with me.”

Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU SAID HER NAME WAS–”

(And then I hung up on him.)

 

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