Category: Religion

There’s nothing worse than a stupid customer than a stupid customer with a cause. If these people had a maker he would likely have filed them under ‘rejects’.

Religion: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Religion

(I work at a local health food store with a religious-sounding name. We often get people mistaking us for a charity, a bible store, or a particular national Christian newsletter that shares our name. I have just answered a phone call.)

Caller: “Do you have gifts?”

Me: *thinking I may have misheard something* “What’s that again, ma’am?”

Caller: “Gifts. G-I-F-T-S. Do you have gifts?”

Me: “What kind of gifts do you mean?”

Caller: “Let me spell it for you. G… I… F as in Frank…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand ‘gifts,’ I’m just not sure what sort of gifts you’re looking for.”

Caller: “I’m looking for a picture of Jesus.”

Me: “Oh! Sorry, ma’am, we’re a health food store.”

Caller: “I know!”

Did Nazi That Coming

TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion

(I work in a gas station located on a major interstate, and we get a lot of out-of-town customers who are just passing through. Many of them object to the company’s policy of requiring customers to pre-pay for gas.)

Customer #1: “I want to fill up with gas, but I want to buy drinks, too. Can you just hold my card and turn on the pump?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry; company policy does not allow me to do that, in the event that a card may be declined.”

Customer #1: “My card is good. Just turn on the pump.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not allowed to do that. You will have to use your card to pay at the pump and come in to purchase your drinks separately.”

Customer #1: “This is bull-s***! Why should I have to make two separate purchases? You just like telling people what to do! You’re a god-d*** [Gas Station] Nazi!” *continues ranting and cursing, using the word “Nazi” at least four more times*

Customer #2: *in line behind Customer #1* “That will be enough of that, young man.”

(Customer #1 rounds on Customer #2, obviously preparing to continue his tirade. Customer #2, an elderly lady wearing a necklace with a large silver Star of David pendant, looks back at him calmly as his mouth shuts with a snap. Without looking at either of us again, he slinks off and drives away.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “Quite all right, miss. Twenty dollars on pump two, please.”

Me: “Thank you, and have a lovely day!”

Customer #2: “Shalom!”

A Free Piece Of Advice

, | Cork, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion

(I work on chat support for customers. This one caller has been enquiring about getting a product, a well-known smart watch, for free like he saw on a prank video on Internet. This is the end of the conversation where I try to explain him why we don’t just give away free stuff.)

Me: “[Customer], let’s say you earn money to make a living by making a product and selling it. How would you react if a person asked you to give him one for free? You wouldn’t be very happy that this person would get a product but you wouldn’t get the money you need to pay your taxes and your food?”

Customer: “I would let him take it if he didn’t have money and God will always fix it.”

Me: “Now, let’s say that 100 people heard about what you did and all asked one for free. Soon you wouldn’t get any money at all.”

Customer: “No, God will fix it, but if he really doesn’t have any money I will give him one. God always fixes that.”

Me: *finally snapping* “Okay, then, you can ask God to send you a watch for free!”

Could Out-Trump Trump

| Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I am working for centre management for a shopping centre when a customer wishes to complain about the ‘tolerance’ of a Muslim butcher who chooses not to stock pork.)

Customer: “If you don’t have grandchildren or children then you’re not properly Australian.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You believe if you don’t have children at all, then you’re not Australian?”

Customer: “That’s right. Do you have grandchildren?”

Me: “No. I’m in my 30s.”

Customer: “Do you have children?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I just don’t.”

Customer: “Were you born in Australia?”

Me: “Yes.” *a lie, but it was easier to say yes*

Customer: “Well, you’re MOSTLY Australian, then.”

(Eventually getting back to his complaint about the butcher…)

Customer: “All Muslims want to take over the world with their lifestyle and practices and eradicate our culture. They say it all the time!”

Me: “I have several Muslim friends who don’t share that view.”

Customer: “Well you are one of the very few people in the world who are friends with a Muslim. And do you know we’ve got a female Prime Minister?” *we did at the time* “She’s conspiring with the Muslims, supporting their takeover because secretly, SHE IS ONE!”

Me: “I think you ought to shop for your meat elsewhere, mate.”

Injured In The Name Of The Lord

| Muskegon, MI, USA | Health & Body, Religion

(I work at a general store in town. A lot of God-fearing people tend to come in there, especially on Sundays, since we are across the street from a church. We always have to watch our language when we work. We are stocking the shelves, when someone knocks into it, and a large, heavy can of meat falls on the head of one of my fellow employees.)

Employee: *drops the ‘F’ Bomb and falls right to the floor*

(Everyone in the store hears it. I go running to where he is at, and sees that the can has hit him so hard, he is bleeding, and out cold.)

Me: “[Manager], call an ambulance!”

Female Customer: *marches up to me* “EXCUSE me?! Did I hear this young man say a foul word just outside the steps of The House of the Lord?”

Me: *panicking* “Ma’am, please, he needs help—”

Customer: “He NEEDS to ask forgiveness from our Lord and Savior for using the Devil’s language!”

Me: “I will make sure he does when he wakes up, but please—”

(At this point, the Customer goes off about how sinful it was for him to speak to church folk and ‘befouled the ears of the innocent’ with his unholy talk.)

Manager: “Ma’am, please step back. This man is injured.”

Customer: “He is injured because he speaks in wicked tongues!”

Me: *at this point, I am scared and angry* “No, he is injured because a f***ing can fell on this poor bastard’s head! Now PLEASE step the f*** away from him so the medic team here can help him!”

(The woman was mortified, but the manager was understanding that I was upset. She did leave, and filed a complaint with our office. I didn’t get into too much trouble, thankfully. though that woman refuses to enter that ‘den of sin’ store ever again. Also, the employee is all right. He just needed some stitches.)

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