Category: Politics

Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

| Bentonville, AR, USA | Bizarre, Politics, Religion

(I get this call my first week after being promoted to customer service, and I don’t think it’s going to be an easy one to top.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *it’s obviously an old man by the voice* “I got a complaint for ya!”

Me: “All right, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was out driving the other week, and my truck broke down. I brought it to [Store] to get it fixed. You know what they told me?”

Me: “What did they tell you, sir?”

Customer: “They told me I needed a new car battery! I told them I didn’t want a new car battery. I’ve had this one for SIXTY YEARS, and I want to keep it! Well, they fixed up the truck, I brought it home, popped the hood, and do you know what I found?”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: “A new car battery! They STOLE my old one, and I want it back!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I can file a complaint for you. What store was this at?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you remember what city it was in?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, was it close to where you live?”

Customer: Yes.”

Me: “Great! What’s your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I may be old and tired, but I’m not stupid! I figure, if I can’t do anything good for other people, I may as well not have come home at all!”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “I DO NOT LIKE DONALD TRUMP!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “What’s your direct supervisor’s name?”

Me: “Mine? Her name is [Manager #1].”

Customer: “Is she voting for Trump?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Can I have your zip code?”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to help you, but I can’t help you if you don’t answer my questions! What is your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Now, son, don’t you go acting spoiled with me.”

Me: “Please give me your zip code.”

Customer: “It’s [zip code].”

Me: “Okay, so you live in [City #1, State]? You’ve got two stores in that area. Was the one you went to in [City #2] or [City #3]?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Fine… you went to the one in [City #2]. I’ll get the complaint sent to them. You’ll get a call back in three days. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well… there is one thing. My neighbor bought a TV, but it doesn’t work. I want to get him a refund.”

Me: “I can’t negotiate a refund with you, sir. He’ll have to call in himself.”

Customer: “He can’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I still can’t talk about it with you.

Customer: “Son, the Bible says to honor and to help your neighbor, and I intend to do that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it goes against company policy for me to discuss another customer’s money with you.”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “That name’s in the Bible! Do you know why you don’t deserve that name?”

Me: *sigh* “Because you don’t like me, sir?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Get me your manager right now.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Please hold.”

(I put him on hold and dial the manager line. A manager who is not my direct supervisor picks up. I fill her in on what’s happening and she agrees to take over the call.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there? I have [Manager #2] on the line with me.”

Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU SAID HER NAME WAS–”

(And then I hung up on him.)

 

Making Rioja Cold Again

| Omaha, NE, USA | Food & Drink, Politics

(I work as a receptionist for a nail salon, and like most American nail salons, the owners and most of the staff are East Asian immigrants.)

Client: “Thanks so much for fitting me in, and with [Nail Tech], too. I just love this place! You girls have a great day!”

(She leaves, and I let out a VERY annoyed sigh once she’s out the door.)

Me: “So the woman who just left? She had a Trump button and a ‘Make America Great Again’ t-shirt on.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. She also asked me to put ice in her red wine.” *pause* “I honestly don’t know which of those things pisses me off more.”

The Flowers Were Either Red Or Blue

| USA | Bizarre, Politics

(I’m delivering flowers and it’s obvious by the big bouquet that I’m carrying. I go to ring the doorbell of one house, and no one answers. I call up the customer’s number, but no one answers. My boss always yells at me if I return with them, so I keep trying. I see two eyes peep at me from a curtain and disappear, and I can see a car parked in the garage, so I know that someone’s home. As a last resort, I decide to just leave the flowers, but then the door opens.)

Woman: “Oh!”

Me: “Flowers for [Name].”

Woman: “Sorry, I thought that you were one of those political people!” *takes bouquet* “Who wouldn’t want these?” *shuts door*

(I guess political people are carrying flowers now?)

You Must Be Mad(iba)

| UK | Extra Stupid, Politics

(This happens just a few days after Nelson Mandela died last year. Customer has bought two newspapers and is tutting as he handed them over.)

Customer: “What’s that Morgan Freeman done to get all over the front pages this time?”

Banking On Trump

, | FL, USA | Politics

(I work in customer service for credit cards for a major bank. The call volume is unusually slow for the night, probably due to the first Presidential Debate of 2016.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name?”

(I gain access to their account and assist with a payment. At this rate, I’m hoping it is just a quick call, as my shift is about to end in a few minutes.)

Me: “Okay, Mr. [Customer]. That’s all set. Is there anything else I may assist with tonight?”

Customer: “Yeah! Make sure you get out and vote in November. We need to make America great again, and only Trump can do that! He’s our last hope against Hillary.”

Me: *brief pause* “Well, I can understand the concern. All right, then, I want to thank you for being such a loyal card-member. Have a great night!”

(At this point, I am trying to avoid any political talk, and I probably could have phrased it differently or at least acknowledged I would be voting.)

Customer: “You’re voting, right?! You didn’t say if you’d be voting. I hope to god you’re voting for Trump. If [Bank] is supporting Hillary I’m closing all my accounts.”

Me: “To be honest, I was trying to not directly answer the question. It is not quite professional of me to discuss political opinions, seeing as that is not about your account at all.”

Customer: “You’re allowed to have an opinion! You’re a person too, you know. [Bank] should let you be able to speak freely if you want to.”

Me: “Yes… But as you also just stated, if you thought I was going for Hillary, you were going to close all your accounts with [Bank]. I’m not saying if I’m voting for Trump or Hillary, because it has no stance with [Bank] at all. Is there anything else I may assist with tonight?”

Customer: “I guess not.”

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