Category: Politics

Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!


Obama-Careless, Part 4

| MI, USA | Health & Body, Politics

(I’m an accountant for a retirement community. A long-time resident is moving from our condos to our skilled nursing unit, and I’m helping her daughter navigate the many financial issues related to that. Specifically, I’m discussing Medicaid, which will be paying for Mom’s room in nursing.)

Me: “To be eligible for Medicaid, your mother will have to have less than two thousand dollars in liquid assets. So she’ll need to pay for part of the first month out of pocket to get down to that level.”

Daughter: “Less than two thousand bucks? That’s not much money. How is she supposed to live on that little?”

Me: “I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it should cover all personal expenses, and Medicaid will cover the bulk of the charges for her care here.”

Daughter: “You know, I wish someone would overthrow the government and get rid of stupid rules like that.”

Me: “If someone overthrows the government, Medicaid will disappear entirely and you’ll be responsible for a bill of almost nine thousand dollars every month.”

Daughter: “Less than two thousand sounds good.”

Obama-Careless, Part 3
Obama-Careless, Part 2


Freedom Of Screech

| USA | Politics

(I am working as an inspector at a polling place during the recent primary. A rule that has been in place as long as I can remember is that you cannot engage in electioneering – i.e. trying to influence others’ votes – within 100 feet of the polling place; this includes partisan apparel as well as verbal electioneering. I have already had to tell several people to take off their buttons, caps, etc. Most grumble but comply.)

Me: “Sir, you need to turn that shirt inside out.”

Man: “What? Why?”

Me: “Because it advertises a candidate, so it’s considered electioneering.”

Man: “You’re suppressing my freedom of speech!”

Me: *using the broken record technique* “No, it’s considered electioneering. There’s a restroom in the building where you can turn it inside out.”

Man: “Okay, but I want you to show me where it’s written I have to do that!”

(He’s on the roster and registered with a party, so none of that is an issue, and he gets his ballot and goes to vote. This gives me time to look through the Poll Worker Guide, where it says exactly what constitutes electioneering, and – surprise, surprise! – it says just what I told him, and then some. When he finishes voting, I show him the passage and, as requested, read it out to him word for word.)

Man: “I want to file a complaint! What’s your name?!”

(I hand him a card with the number of the Elections Office, upon which I write my name, position, the name of the polling place, and its ID number.)

Man: “So you’re telling me I can’t show my support for [Candidate]?”

Me: “You can, but it has to be at least 100 feet away from the polling place. Once you get there, you can turn your shirt back out.”

Man: “And you’re telling me that’s not suppressing my freedom of speech?!”

Me: *again* “No, it’s considered electioneering and it’s not allowed within 100 feet of the polling place.”

Man: *huffily* “Well, I bet if I asked around, people would say it was an issue of freedom of speech!” *storms out*

(I called the elections office and told them what happened, and they told me I was 100% in the right. No idea if he ever called and lodged that complaint, but if he did they probably told him the same thing.)


Trumps You In The Stupid Department

| USA | Books & Reading, Politics, Popular

(It is early 2016 and an election year, so my bookstore has created a prominent political section near the entrance. There are a large selection of books about Obama at eye-level. A customer comes up to me, looking angry.)

Customer: “You need to take these books down!”

Me: “Which books would that be, sir?”

Customer: “All those books about that Barack HUSSEIN Osama!” *yes, he really did emphasize the ‘Hussein’ middle name and use ‘Osama’ instead of Obama*

Me: “Well, they form part of the political section of our store. Since he is currently our president we have a wide range of books commenting on him and his politics, both for and against.”

Customer: “Well, he ain’t my president!”

Me: “Well, unless you’re not an American citizen, I am afraid he is.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t vote for him, so he ain’t!”

Me: “Neither did I, sir, but I still acknowledge him as my president.”

Customer: “You didn’t vote for him either? And you still let them put up books about him!”

Me: “Sir, we aren’t going to be taking the books down just because you don’t like him.”

Customer: “But he’s the reason behind everything that’s wrong with this country!”

(At this point I have had enough of the rhetoric I hear so much that I decide to take a risk and call him out on it.)

Me: “Really, sir? So what are those reasons?”

Customer: “He… uh… Obamacare!”

Me: “You mean universal healthcare for the poorest of our citizens? I agree, it really is awful.”

Customer: “And the economy!”

Me: “I agree, the economy really is in a bad state. It started with the Bush administration and has been gradually getting better. The whole world really was caught up in some economic turmoil back there, but I doubt it was all because of Obama.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, Trump will fix it all.”

Me: “How so?”

Customer: “He’s gonna make America great again!”

Me: “Yes, but how so?”

Customer: “By kicking out everyone that hates America!”

Me: “Like Obama?”

Customer: “Yeah! Trump 2016!”

Me: “So you want me to deny American citizens commentary, both positive and negative, on Obama by refusing to sell books on him?”

Customer: “Yeah! Trump 2016!”

Me: “And at the same time agree with your double-standards on Freedom Of Speech by supporting Trump, a man who famously likes to spew out insults and hate but can’t handle when they are thrown back at him?

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “No, sir, we will not be removing the books. You are of course, totally free to disagree with me and state your opinion.”

Customer: “Trump 2016!”

Me: “Will you be making any other purchases today, sir?”

Customer: “H*** no! I never read books! Trump 2016!”


Crazy Customer? Fits The Bill

| USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Politics

(I work at a bank in a small lake-side city with lots of retired older folks. While working the drive-thru I have this exchange.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer: “I want to exchange this for 500 dollar bills.”

(He places a stack of 20s, 50s, and 100s in the drawer.)

Me: “Sir… I’m sorry we don’t have any 500s I can exchange the smaller bills for one hundred dollar bi—“


Me: “Sir, we can’t even order those bills; they stopped printing them back in the 1970s.”

(The customer glares at me for a few moments, grabs his money out of the drawer and points at me.)

Customer: “I know what’s going on here. You’re covering for him.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “This is Obama’s doing!”


A Vote Of No Confidence

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Politics

(I’m volunteering on Election Day for a local campaign in May of 2012. With the presidential election happening in November most people are completely unaware that this election is happening earlier in the year.)

Me: “Hello, sir, I’m calling with [Candidate] for Mayor, to make sure that you—”

Voter: “D*** it! I’m so sick of these political calls!”

Me: “I apologize, sir, we just—”

Voter: “People already know how they are going to vote! What is the point of these?! If I get one more call then I’m not going to vote for [Candidate].”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry sir. We will make sure you don’t get called again. We just wanted to make sure you had a chance to vote today.”

Voter: “Good! Wait… the election is today?! Um… do you know where my polling place is?”

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