Category: Politics

Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

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Trumpanomics

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

(I work selling insurance at an inbound call center for a well known company. This is set two or so days after the election and I still can’t believe it.)

Me: “All right, miss, your monthly premium for just yourself with be [some ridiculous number in the $600 range].”

Customer: “What? Even though Trump won?!”

(I sit there for a good 10 seconds with dead air, trying to comprehend that statement.)

Me: “Miss, the presidential election has no effect on the premium prices that were set for next year.”

Customer: “Oh…”

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Black Friday Is Nothing To Wine About

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Holidays, Politics

(I am chatting with a regular customer at the bar. He comes in almost every night and spends a ton of money, usually on expensive wine.)

Me: “So, are you going Black Friday shopping this year?”

Customer: “No. I don’t believe in capitalism.”

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| Bentonville, AR, USA | Bizarre, Politics, Religion

(I get this call my first week after being promoted to customer service, and I don’t think it’s going to be an easy one to top.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *it’s obviously an old man by the voice* “I got a complaint for ya!”

Me: “All right, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was out driving the other week, and my truck broke down. I brought it to [Store] to get it fixed. You know what they told me?”

Me: “What did they tell you, sir?”

Customer: “They told me I needed a new car battery! I told them I didn’t want a new car battery. I’ve had this one for SIXTY YEARS, and I want to keep it! Well, they fixed up the truck, I brought it home, popped the hood, and do you know what I found?”

Me: “What, sir?”

Customer: “A new car battery! They STOLE my old one, and I want it back!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I can file a complaint for you. What store was this at?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you remember what city it was in?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, was it close to where you live?”

Customer: Yes.”

Me: “Great! What’s your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I may be old and tired, but I’m not stupid! I figure, if I can’t do anything good for other people, I may as well not have come home at all!”

Me: “Okay. Can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “I DO NOT LIKE DONALD TRUMP!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “What’s your direct supervisor’s name?”

Me: “Mine? Her name is [Manager #1].”

Customer: “Is she voting for Trump?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. Can I have your zip code?”

Customer: “What about you?”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to help you, but I can’t help you if you don’t answer my questions! What is your zip code?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Now, son, don’t you go acting spoiled with me.”

Me: “Please give me your zip code.”

Customer: “It’s [zip code].”

Me: “Okay, so you live in [City #1, State]? You’ve got two stores in that area. Was the one you went to in [City #2] or [City #3]?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Fine… you went to the one in [City #2]. I’ll get the complaint sent to them. You’ll get a call back in three days. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well… there is one thing. My neighbor bought a TV, but it doesn’t work. I want to get him a refund.”

Me: “I can’t negotiate a refund with you, sir. He’ll have to call in himself.”

Customer: “He can’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I still can’t talk about it with you.

Customer: “Son, the Bible says to honor and to help your neighbor, and I intend to do that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it goes against company policy for me to discuss another customer’s money with you.”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “That name’s in the Bible! Do you know why you don’t deserve that name?”

Me: *sigh* “Because you don’t like me, sir?”

(Silence.)

Customer: “Get me your manager right now.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. Please hold.”

(I put him on hold and dial the manager line. A manager who is not my direct supervisor picks up. I fill her in on what’s happening and she agrees to take over the call.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there? I have [Manager #2] on the line with me.”

Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU SAID HER NAME WAS–”

(And then I hung up on him.)

 

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Making Rioja Cold Again

| Omaha, NE, USA | Food & Drink, Politics

(I work as a receptionist for a nail salon, and like most American nail salons, the owners and most of the staff are East Asian immigrants.)

Client: “Thanks so much for fitting me in, and with [Nail Tech], too. I just love this place! You girls have a great day!”

(She leaves, and I let out a VERY annoyed sigh once she’s out the door.)

Me: “So the woman who just left? She had a Trump button and a ‘Make America Great Again’ t-shirt on.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. She also asked me to put ice in her red wine.” *pause* “I honestly don’t know which of those things pisses me off more.”

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The Flowers Were Either Red Or Blue

| USA | Bizarre, Politics

(I’m delivering flowers and it’s obvious by the big bouquet that I’m carrying. I go to ring the doorbell of one house, and no one answers. I call up the customer’s number, but no one answers. My boss always yells at me if I return with them, so I keep trying. I see two eyes peep at me from a curtain and disappear, and I can see a car parked in the garage, so I know that someone’s home. As a last resort, I decide to just leave the flowers, but then the door opens.)

Woman: “Oh!”

Me: “Flowers for [Name].”

Woman: “Sorry, I thought that you were one of those political people!” *takes bouquet* “Who wouldn’t want these?” *shuts door*

(I guess political people are carrying flowers now?)

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