Category: Politics

Like a little more satirical meat on your humor sandwich? Ever wonder what very stupid customers view as topical? Even worse, see what happens when these people decide they want to vote! Don’t blame the state of the world on the government, blame it on them!

Obamacaring For The Environment

| Merced, CA, USA | Politics

(I’m shopping for some groceries and waiting in line to pay. The lady in front of me is paying for her things and loudly complaining. Note: California has just passed a ban on free plastic bags at stores, so you have to pay for them or bring your own.)

Cashier: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “Please, as many as you can give me.”

Cashier: “Just so you know, they’re 10 cents each.”

Customer: “I don’t care. It’s bull-s*** that we have to pay for these. Do they expect me to just carry my stuff to my car and then to my house? Does anyone know how much work that is? Does anybody want to explain the logic behind such a silly and needless law?”

Me: “It’s called the environment, ma’am. You know, trying to protect it so we can live on it.”

Customer: “Whatever. I’m a Trump supporter. We don’t believe in such nonsense as environment issues and climate change and science, I think you kids call it nowadays. It’s all God’s work and Trump is here to follow God and not the bullshit Democrats call ‘science.’ We’re lucky that God-hating Muslim Obama is gone. He supported this bull-s***.”

(She left still ranting about the Democrats and how Obama screwed America because he supported science.)

Pandering To The Gerrymandering

| Denver, CO, USA | Politics

(I am a volunteer going door to door for the re-election campaign for a local city councilwoman. This is the first election since the district lines have been redrawn and the neighborhood I am in was moved from another district.)

Me: “Hi, I’m with [District One Councilwoman]’s re-election campaign and I was wondering if she could count on your support in the upcoming election.”

Voter: “Sorry, I’m supporting [District Two Councilman]. I think he has been doing a good job.’

Me: “Oh, well, just so you know the districts have moved and you are now in [District One Councilwoman]’s district. They have worked really well together over the years and [District Two Councilman] has endorsed her re-election campaign.”

Voter: “But why am I not in his district anymore? Can you move it back?”

Me: “Um… that really isn’t something I’m in charge of.”

Voter: “Well, you should really think about moving it back.”

Me: “All right… Can we count on your support still?”

Voter: “Hmm, you know, I think I’ll write in [District Two Councilman]’s name so he can be my council person again.”

Me: “That isn’t really how it works, sir. Even if he somehow got the most votes in this district he is running in a different one, and isn’t qualified to represent this district because he lives in district two now.”

Voter: “No, I think it’s a good idea. Even if he doesn’t win he will get the message and move the districts back. Thanks for letting me know I have to write it in!”

(The door shut before I could say anything else.)

The Highs Of The Obama Administration

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

(A man and his wife ask about pins (highly collectable for people who like this restaurant). We have a special set of pins that says “5280”.)

Man: “What does the “5280” stand for?”

Me: “Well, you’re in the Mile High City. Do you know how many feet are in a mile?”

Man: “Ah! Yes! You know, we from the coast are much smarter than you here.”

Me: “What?”

Man: “See, with the lack of oxygen here, you just don’t get to be as smart.”

Me: “You do know we build the NASA rockets here, right? We actually have very smart people here.”

Man: “But Obama killed the whole NASA program. He’s bad news.”

Me: “The other guy was just as bad.”

Man: “No—”

Me: *to the wife* “So what pins were you interested in?”


| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics

(I work selling insurance at an inbound call center for a well known company. This is set two or so days after the election and I still can’t believe it.)

Me: “All right, miss, your monthly premium for just yourself with be [some ridiculous number in the $600 range].”

Customer: “What? Even though Trump won?!”

(I sit there for a good 10 seconds with dead air, trying to comprehend that statement.)

Me: “Miss, the presidential election has no effect on the premium prices that were set for next year.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Black Friday Is Nothing To Wine About

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Holidays, Politics

(I am chatting with a regular customer at the bar. He comes in almost every night and spends a ton of money, usually on expensive wine.)

Me: “So, are you going Black Friday shopping this year?”

Customer: “No. I don’t believe in capitalism.”

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