Category: One-Liners

Sometimes, it only takes a single line for a customer to show their true colors!

A Real Crappy Photoshop Job

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, One-Liners, Technology

Customer: “Can you remove this person—” *indicates one child right in the middle of a family photo* “—from this photo? Oh, and be careful, there was a dog taking a fat s*** behind him. If you can see it, remove it, too.”

I Know Better Than To Work Here

| Blaine, MN, USA | One-Liners, Theme Of The Month

(I’m shopping at the local [Largest Retailer in America] just after leaving work elsewhere. I’m not wearing any clothes that look anything like this company’s uniforms. I’m in the bottled water aisle, looking for a particular brand when this happens.)

Customer: *asks something as though I were an employee*

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry.”

(I get a thought just as she’s about to head off…)

Me: “Out of curiosity, what made you think I work here?”

Customer: “You just looked like you knew what you were doing.”

Me: *laughs* “I do, and that’s why I don’t work here.”

Butchers Don’t Need To Be Butch

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bigotry, Food & Drink, One-Liners

(My wife is an apprentice butcher in a local store who also has an incredibly quick wit and this is the exchange I hear between she and an elderly male customer.)

Customer: “Can I speak to the butcher, please?”

Wife: “Yes, I am the butcher. How may I help you?”

Customer: “No, I wanna speak to a butcher. You’re only a counter girl.”

Wife: “I can assure you, sir. I am a butcher.”

Customer: “Oh. I bet you are one of those women that don’t like men, either.”

Wife: “Actually,  I love males. They go great cut up into steaks and marinated in BBQ sauce.”

(The customer turned and rushed out of the store while the other customers burst out laughing.)