Category: One-Liners

Sometimes, it only takes a single line for a customer to show their true colors!

A Block Of Highland(er) Cheese

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I’m on the register late at night when a coworker I vaguely know from another department comes through with his shopping. I scan his items and all is well until I try to scan a block of cut cheese from our deli. The register brings up a warning that it can’t be sold because it is past its use-by date.)

Me: “Sorry; it’s out of date.”

Coworker: “I don’t care.” *he holds his hand out*

(I know that its just going to be thrown out if I waste it and so does he. He is the store butcher, so I look around to check no one is around and just hand him the cheese. I feel I have to be sure though.)

Me: “You’re sure?”

Coworker: “Yep.” *he hides his cheese* “Cheese is always good. Cheese is just milk’s attempt at being immortal.”

A Real Crappy Photoshop Job

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, One-Liners, Technology

Customer: “Can you remove this person—” *indicates one child right in the middle of a family photo* “—from this photo? Oh, and be careful, there was a dog taking a fat s*** behind him. If you can see it, remove it, too.”

I Know Better Than To Work Here

| Blaine, MN, USA | One-Liners, Theme Of The Month

(I’m shopping at the local [Largest Retailer in America] just after leaving work elsewhere. I’m not wearing any clothes that look anything like this company’s uniforms. I’m in the bottled water aisle, looking for a particular brand when this happens.)

Customer: *asks something as though I were an employee*

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry.”

(I get a thought just as she’s about to head off…)

Me: “Out of curiosity, what made you think I work here?”

Customer: “You just looked like you knew what you were doing.”

Me: *laughs* “I do, and that’s why I don’t work here.”