Category: One-Liners

Sometimes, it only takes a single line for a customer to show their true colors!

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Doesn’t Even Have To Massage The Truth

| Santa Rosa, CA, USA | One-Liners, Popular

(I am working on register at a popular grocery store. I usually make jokes and puns with the customers, partly because it’s fun for the customers, but mostly because it’s fun for me.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: “It’s a good day; I just got off work.”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, just rub it in, why don’t you?”

Customer: “I do; I’m a masseuse.”

Also Forgot His Nuts

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I go to the store to get bananas, and nothing else. I pay for the bananas, and start to walk away, forgetting them at the register.)

Cashier: *holds bananas up and calls to me* “Hey! Your bananas!”

Me: “That’s between me and my psychiatrist, thank you very much!”

(We all have a good chuckle as I return for the bananas.)

A Block Of Highland(er) Cheese

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I’m on the register late at night when a coworker I vaguely know from another department comes through with his shopping. I scan his items and all is well until I try to scan a block of cut cheese from our deli. The register brings up a warning that it can’t be sold because it is past its use-by date.)

Me: “Sorry; it’s out of date.”

Coworker: “I don’t care.” *he holds his hand out*

(I know that its just going to be thrown out if I waste it and so does he. He is the store butcher, so I look around to check no one is around and just hand him the cheese. I feel I have to be sure though.)

Me: “You’re sure?”

Coworker: “Yep.” *he hides his cheese* “Cheese is always good. Cheese is just milk’s attempt at being immortal.”

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