Category: Musical Mayhem

Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

Lucy On The Ground, With Customers

| Dorset, England, UK | Funny Names, Musical Mayhem

Customer: “So, what’s your name then, darling?”

Me: “Lucy.”

Customer: “Like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds?”

Me: *smiling* “Why, yes, that’s right.”

Customer: “That songs about LSD, isn’t it? Were your parents on hard drugs?”

Me: “Well, thank you for your order. Goodbye.”

This Item Is High In Metal

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a music/movie store. We often get calls to see if we have something in stock before the customer comes to pick it up, especially if it is an uncommon title.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Can you tell me if you have something?”

Me: “Sure! What is the title of it?”

Customer: “Creamed corn.”

Me: “Are you referring to the band Korn?”

Customer: “No, the food. Why would I want a band?”

Me: “Because this is a music store.”

Customer: “Look, just tell me if you’re out!”

Me: “But we’re always out…”

Customer: “You’re a lousy grocery store!” *hangs up*

Can’t Buy The Seedy CD

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

(I’m a music team lead at a branch of a major chain of bookstores. We’re located in a shopping square in a rich neighborhood. Because of our location and the level of attempted theft we’ve seen, our music, DVDs, audio-books, and e-readers have been placed in a separate section with EAS (Electronic Article Surveillance) scanners. Leads been instructed not to allow items in the section onto the book floor without having been checked out, and to put the EAS sound over other customers, as the customers get it and it’s usually a check-out misunderstanding. We are to use our best judgment on who we allow in and out of the section. This particular late night, there’s a homecoming dance at a nearby high school. It’s also best to mention I play piano and guitar at a restaurant down the street two nights a week.)

Me: *having been assisting a customer and heard the EAS sound off* “Excuse me, sir, if you’re still shopping I can hold your CDs here for you until you’re ready to check out.”

Young Customer: *dressed up in a tailored suit* “No, that’s okay. My mom’s just waiting for me at the front.” *starts to leave again*

Me: “I understand. Unfortunately, we have to keep all CDs and films in this section until they’re checked out. Are you ready to purchase?”

Young Customer: “No, I just want to show this to my mom.” *the CDs are by a classic rock group with PG-suggested labels on the fronts*

Me: “I can hold the CDs here for you while you go get her.”

Young Customer: *progressively getting louder* “But she’s just right there!”

Me: “Sir, store policy is we can not allow product beyond this point without a receipt.”

Young Customer: “This is bull-s***! I’m back here all the time! Your store should know that I’m a good kid!! My mom knows I’m a good kid!”

Me: *beyond annoyed but still professional, having quietly paged for the manager on duty* “Sir, I need you to lower your voice, please. As I’ve stated, you can show them to her. You would just need to bring her back here.”

Young Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You’re new and already know everything, don’t you?!”

Me: “I’ve worked here for over a year, sir, and our policy’s been the same.”

Young Customer: “Just because I’m a teenager doesn’t mean I’m a thief! I’ll have my dad sue for unlawful discrimination!”

(My manager, a friend and fellow musician, arrives and I explain the situation.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, sir, she’s correct. I can accompany you to find your mother while she holds the CDs for you.”

Young Customer: “My dad’s a lawyer! He won’t stand for this sh***y place staying open after this!”

Mother: *having finally heard the ruckus* “What did he do thi— Oh, hello, [My Name]! How’re you doing? Will you be playing tomorrow night?”

Me: *recognizing her as a frequent patron of the restaurant* “Yes, ma’am. Looking forward to it. Is this your son?”

Mother: *clearly just as annoyed as me* “I said I wouldn’t buy those CDs for you! They’re not appropriate for your age! Now give them to the young woman and get your butt in the car.”

Young Customer: *blushes heavily, stammers, then finally leaves with his apologetic mom*

Manager: “He’ll never show his face back here again.”

Me: “If he does, I’ll change the in-store playlist to Buddy Guy. That oughta keep ‘im out.”