Category: Musical Mayhem

Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.


I Started A Joke

| Ft. Lauderdale, FL, USA | Musical Mayhem

(I am the customer in this one. I have signed into an online chat to get my issue resolved, and I see that the technical support staff is called B.Gees.)

B.Gees: “Hi, [My Name]. My name is B.Gees. I’m the supervisor on duty. I will be assisting you further from here.

Me: “Is this real? Your name is B.Gees?”

B.Gees: “Yes, it is. May I have two-three minutes to review your issue, so I will know what is going on?”

Me: “Sure.”

B.Gees: “Thank you, I appreciate your patience. Please stay online.”

Me: “I will be Staying Alive. It will be a Tragedy if we can’t resolve this.

B.Gees: “Thank you for patiently waiting, sir. I sincerely apologize for the inconveniences this may have caused you.”

Me: “I hope you will tell me the truth and not do any Jive Talkin’.’

B.Gees: “I understand that one of our representative named [Other Name] had referred you to escalations team for your disputes on the Early Termination fee $100, a change of service fee $49.99, and installation fee of $149.99. Can you please elaborate more as to why you are disputing these charges?”

Me:If I Can’t Have You help me, maybe someone else can?”

B.Gees: “I am here to help. I just need further clarifications as to why you were disputing these charges?”

(I explain the issue.)

Me: “I feel Alone and need some help.”

B.Gees: “I’m so sorry to hear that but as I have said, I am here to help. I have initially reviewed your account and found that both service change fee and early termination fees were generated when there was a service upgrade processed on your account.”

Me:How Can You Mend A Broken Heart if you have all these undisclosed charges? Don’t Forget to Remember that the installation fee was also supposed to be waived.”

B.Gees: “What I can do from here is to reverse the Early Termination fee posted on your account.”

Me: “Thank you. Let me put on my Boogie Shoes!”

B.Gees: “But for the installation or change of service fees, chat support is unable to waive it since there is a separate dedicated billing department. Kindly contact back our authorized billing support at [number].”

Me:I’ve Gotta Get A Message To You; that number is of no help to me. They promised me the credit back in June when I received my first bill after the upgrade. Now my Fanny sits here six months later and no refund.”

B.Gees: “[My Name], upon double checking from here, the early termination fee of $100 was actually already reversed from your account and the credit of the same amount is already posted on your bill statement dated [six months ago]. For remaining disputes on installation fees, I do regret to inform you that only our billing support team is authorized to address such concerns.”

Me: “It’s been many Lonely Days since I called them. I hope they can help.”

B.Gees: “I am hoping the same thing! Will there be anything else that I can assist you further from here?”

Me:You Win Again… I will call them.”


Missed Your Swansong

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Musical Mayhem, Popular, Time

(I am hosting the karaoke night at a suburban bar. It is popular now but was a ghost town the first several weeks. On a quiet night, I announce at 12:55 that I’m off the clock at 1:00, so to get the last couple songs in right away if anyone wanted to sing. No takers. At 1:05…)

Patron: “If I want to put in a song request, do I give it to you?”

Me: “Yes, but five minutes ago. I can’t get any more songs in; I’ve already shut down and started pulling the plugs.”

Patron: “Just turn it back on. It’s only like four switches.”

Me: “That easy, eh? Okay, go ahead. Turn it back on.”

Patron: “What?”

Me: “Well if it’s that easy, go ahead and turn it back on. If you can do that, I’ll let you sing your song, and I’ll even waive my $50/hour overtime rate.”

Patron: “So I guess I’m singing that song next week?”


Not Very Good Tomorrow People

| Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem, Popular, Time

(Our pub closes at one am, by law, and closing time always comes as a rude shock to our punters. Every weekend night we have people bugging us for “just one more.”)

Customer: “But I just want one more! C’mooonnnn! Just for me?”

Colleague: *as we’re cleaning up* “Dude, we’re closed. End of story.”

Customer: “But how can I get another drink? I just want another drink!”

Colleague: *singing/shouting* “Tomorrow! Tomorrow! We’re open tomorrow! It’s only a day awaaaaay!”

(I miss the things you could get away with in a pub environment…)


Might Spot A Few Graphic Differences

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Musical Mayhem

(While working at customer service at a bookstore a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have Candide by Voltaire?”

Me: “Yes, we do.” *I show her where it is*

Customer: “It’s in a weird place. Why isn’t it with the graphic novels?”

Me: “Because it’s not a graphic novel.”

Customer: “But he only writes graphic novels!”

Me: “I think you’re thinking of Voltaire the musician. This is by Voltaire the philosopher.”

Customer: “Oh. You’re sure they’re not the same person?”

Me: “Completely. Graphic novels didn’t really exist when Voltaire was alive.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I might buy it anyway, in case it is the same person.”

(No matter what I said, I could not assure her that she was thinking of a different Voltaire.)


Psy-Chologically Damaging

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

Me: “Hello, sir. Good afternoon.”

Customer: “Hello, there.”

Me: “Are you checking in with us today?

Customer: “Are you Chinese?”

Me: “Umm, no. I am Korean.”

Customer: “Oh, perfect, how do you spell ‘Gangnam Style’? I can’t seem to find it on YouTube.”

Me: *blank stare*

(Reluctantly I had to spell it out for him.)

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