Category: Musical Mayhem

Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

Nothing Like A Spoon To Stir Things Up

| Manchester, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Top

(An older gentleman enters the store with a young woman who might be his granddaughter. She pauses at a display near the door, while he approaches me. I’m standing next to one of our speaker displays, which is blasting a hit country-pop song.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]!”

Customer: “Hello there!”

Me: *noticing he’s studying the speakers* “Are you interested in—”

Customer: *deadpan* “This would be great spooning music.”

(I’m completely shocked by this, and I don’t know how to respond. Before I can say anything, he pulls a pair of table spoons out of his shirt pocket and begins to play along with the music!)

Customer: “Yeah! See? This is great!”

(He calls over his granddaughter, and she pulls out a pair of spoons and starts to play, too! They have a five-minute jam session at the front of the store, and then spend 20 minutes happily chatting with my coworkers and me before making their purchases and leaving. It makes my day!)

Singing To A Different Scripted Tune

| UK | Musical Mayhem

(I ring up my phone network provider to get my mobile phone contract renegotiated. Thanks to regulations in the UK, call center staff are told they must repeat themselves over and over again so the consumer understands what they’re signing up to. I get a little bored after hearing the same script for the fifth time.)

Employee: “So, you understand that you’ll be getting 600 minutes—”

Me: “DAAAAHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAAAAAHHHH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

Employee: “1 gig of data—”

Me: “DAAAAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH!”

Employee: “You have the right to—”

Me: “DUUUH DUUUUH DUUUH DUUUUH!”

Employee: “Contact us at any time if—”

Me: “Do you ever feel like you’re repeating yourself? I’m sure I’ve heard this 12 times already.”

Employee: “You have no idea.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just keep singing then.”

Bird Brained, Part 8

| Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals

(I work in a small natural remedies shop. A customer comes in just as we are opening. We open early in the morning; birds are literally still singing outside. The customer browses around for a while, looking increasingly more irritated until stalking up to the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me?! Aren’t you going to do anything about those d*** birds? They won’t shut up.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t really do much about the birds; they’re out there singing every morning. Maybe you could come back a little later?”

Customer: “I can’t come back later; I’ve got s*** to do today! Can’t you put on some music or something?”

Me: *bemused* “Okay, I’ll see what’s behind the counter.”

(I go to look through the store’s CDs, and try not to laugh.)

Customer: *stomps foot* “Well?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s all sounds of nature type stuff.”

Customer: “So put it on!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s bird noises.”

Customer: *stares intently* “Put it on.”

(She continues her shopping in peace and condescendingly asks me ‘isn’t that much better now?’ to the twin cacophony of singing birds in the background. Since then she’s come back every week at the same time, and I make sure I have the sounds of nature on hand when she does.)

Related:
Early Bird Brained
Bird Brained
Bird Brained, Part 2
Bird Brained, Part 3
Bird Brained, Part 4
Bird Brained, Part 5
Bird Brained, Part 6
Bird Brained, Part 7