Category: Musical Mayhem

Music Stores, Concerts, Orchestra’s, none are safe from the stupidity of our very wrong customers, examples such as those searching for live recordings of Beethoven himself, to others who believe listening to Taylor Swift means you’re musically talented.

Waxing Lyrical On The Lyrics

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

Elderly Customer: “I’m trying to learn this song. Do you have music for ‘Your Mind Is On Vacation And Your Mouth Is Workin’ Overtime’?”

Me: “No, but now I want to learn it, too!”

Elderly Customer: “No s***, right?!”

Way South Of Average Intelligence

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I am a light-skinned South African living in the United States. I occasionally get to perform my own music in a local hip-hop-oriented bar. I try to keep my lyrics clean of profanities, which is unusual for this audience.)

Bar Patron #1: “It’s nice to hear some clean hip-hop here for a change.”

Me: “Thanks. I just don’t see the need for me to swear, since most of my songs are about partying and that sort of light stuff.”

Bar Patron #2: “Usually with the people who perform here, it’s ‘n-word this’, and ‘n-word that’.”

Me: *laughing* “Can you imagine, a white South African using that word a whole bunch of times?”

Bar Patron #2: “I know you could do that if you wanted to, since your country is run by African-Americans and all, but it’s nice that you don’t.”

Me: “… Oh boy.”

Mr. Tambourine Can

| ON, Canada | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a music store that sells musical instruments and sheet music. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Music Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. Do you have a ten-inch tambourine?”

Me: “We might. Just a minute, I’ll go check.”

(I come back to the phone holding the requested item.)

Me: “Hello. Yes, we do have one in stock.”

Caller: “So can you tell me how big it is?”

Me: “Um… It’s ten inches.”

(There’s a moment of silence, and then I realize that it’s a somewhat valid question as the caller may not know how tambourines are measured: diameter, circumference or radius… although the latter two would be pretty strange, I think. Still, I give him the benefit of the doubt and add:)

Me: “… in diameter.”

Caller: “So, is that like, the size of the lid on a paint can?”

Me: “I don’t know. Is it a ten-inch paint can?”