Category: Movies & TV

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Silence Of The Hipsters

| Australia | Bad Behavior, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Popular

(I work in a music and DVD store that prides itself on being able to provide hard to find items. Each of us working in the story try to have as broad a knowledge as possible of different movies, TV, and music, and so we often surprise customers when they request something they think we’ll never heard of. Occasionally, though, a customer will go out of their way to try to prove us wrong.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you had a TV series called Hannibal.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that’s a pretty good seller at the moment. The third season’s just been released.”

Customer: “Have you watched it?”

Me: “Oh, my god, yes! I love it! Bryan Fuller can do no wrong, as far as I’m concerned.”

Customer: *scoffing* “You know it’s based on a movie, right? You probably haven’t seen it. It’d be before your time. It’s called The Silence of the Lambs.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’ve seen Silence of the Lambs.”

Customer: “You must be older than you look.”

Me: “I just really like movies.”

Customer: “You know, there was a song written about Hannibal Lecter. It was a few years ago, but you probably haven’t heard it since it wasn’t played on most radio stations.”

Me: “You mean Lotion by the Greenskeepers? It made the Hottest 100 that year; I think it was 2005 or 2006. It’s an awesome song; it really gets the Buffalo Bill vibe down.”

Customer: *suddenly aggravated* “You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “This place is a sham, helping big corporations to funnel mass produced crap media into the homes of unknowing idiots. You think just because you can spout off some facts about a culturally significant movie that it makes you better than me? You still sell One Direction to screaming teeny boppers.”

Me: “At least the teeny boppers are polite.”

Customer: “WELL, DVDS ARE OUTDATED TECHNOLOGY!” *storms off*

Coworker: “What was that?”

Me: “I think I just out-hipstered a hipster, by knowing random facts about a popular TV show, which is based on a popular book series.”

Coworker: “People are so weird.”

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In The Heart Of The Duff

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

(I am working at a movie theater, selling tickets. It’s the afternoon on a weekday, so it’s relatively slow. The phone rings, and I pick it up.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Theater] at [Location]. How may I help you?”

Woman: “Hello? Hello! Yes! I was looking in the newspaper… You don’t have any show times for that whale movie!”

Me: “That whale movie?” *trying to think of what movies coming up have a whale in them*

Woman: “Yes! I wanted to see the one with the whale…”

Me: “Do you mean Heart of the Sea?”

Woman: “Yes! That’s the one! When I can I see the whale movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry. That movie’s not going to be out for another three months. But I’m sure once it is, we’ll be showing it.”

Woman: “Another three months?” *sadly*

Me: “Yes. It opens in December.”

Woman: “Oh. Well, do you have that Duff movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “Yes. That sweet girl, she was on the Ellen show yesterday?”

Me: “I… didn’t see it.”

Woman: “Oh, she’s just the sweetest girl. She was on Ellen! She’s got a new movie coming out, she said.”

Me: “Do you mean… Hilary Duff?”

Woman: “That’s her! She was on Ellen, and she was just the sweetest girl. I want to see her movie. Ellen said it was good.”

Me: “One moment… I’ll see if we have it.” *drawing a complete blank, I call out on the radio, after putting the woman on hold* “Does anyone know if Hilary Duff has a new movie coming out?”

Manager: “Hilary Duff? The Disney Channel girl?”

Coworker #1: “She was in a Cinderella movie; that’s all I know.”

Coworker #2:Cheaper by the Dozen 2 was YEARS ago.”

Coworker #3:Foodfight was a TERRIBLE movie. We’d never carry that!”

Coworker #4: “Wait, wasn’t she in the Cars sequel?”

Me: *I get the woman off hold* “It doesn’t seem like we have any Hilary Duff movies coming out at our theater any time soon. I’m sorry.”

Coworker #5: “I know she’s done some Rom Coms recently.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s too bad. She was on Ellen yesterday, you know. She was such a nice girl!”

Coworker #6: “You mean She Wants Me? That was ages ago!”

Woman: “Ellen is very funny, you know. She has all the best recommendations.”

Me: “She’s very funny, yes.”

Coworker #7: “Pretty sure she did a made for TV thing, too.”

Woman: “You know, I like to watch Ellen every day, with a tall glass of lemonade, and a big bowl of popcorn. It’s not as good as your popcorn, but it’s still quite fun!”

Me: “I’m sure it is, ma’am. Was there anything—”

Woman: “Sometimes, I write letters to Ellen!”

Manager: “Oh! I saw that one!”

(I had to deal with this poor, lonely woman who clearly just wanted to chat in one ear, and my coworkers discussing Hilary Duff’s resume over the radio in my other, for quite a while after that. Thank goodness it was a dead afternoon!)

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This Story Has Yet To Be Title

, | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hall of Fame, Movies & TV, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am the night shift manager at a fast food restaurant. The corporate office had just started a new advertising campaign, and while not openly sexual, it is filled with innuendo. I get a phone call about 10 minutes before closing.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I AM REALLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW! My children were watching TV this afternoon when your commercial came on. I cannot believe you would expose my kids to sex like that. I want you to take the commercial down, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Sir, this is a local store, so it has no control over the TV ads. The corporate office in Southern California produces and purchase all the advertising time for all of [Restaurant]. I would be happy pass of your name and number; that way they can put you in touch with the appropriate person.”

Caller: “THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I want this ad taken off TV right now. You need to get on the phone and call the TV station and tell them to pull this filth off the TV, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but I’m just a shift manager at a local store. We are a franchise location with no direct link to the corporate office in Southern California. I simply do not have the authority to make anyone pull these ads, nor does anyone else at this location. The franchise office might be able to help you. Their number is [number], and they open at eight am. You can tell them how you feel in the morning.”

Caller: “HOW CAN YOU ALLOW MY CHILDREN TO BE EXPOSED TO THIS SMUT?! If you cared about your customers you wouldn’t hide behind “authority.” You would listen to your customers, do your job, and have this smut pulled from the TV, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir, but—”

Caller: “BUT NOTHING. GET IT PULLED RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a 19 year old college student working at a fast food joint. I agree with you that the new ad campaign is kind of inappropriate, but the TV networks simply aren’t going to allow me to call them up at 11:50 at night and have them pull advertisement paid for by someone else. If you give me your name and number I will ask the franchise office to contact you tomorrow, or you can call them at [number], or you can call the corporate office in Southern California at [a phone number I’m never supposed to give out], or you can even file a complaint with the Federal Communications Commission.”

Caller: “I WANT IT OFF THE AIR NOW! If you cared about my kids or your job, you would do it NOW! IF YOU DON’T DO IT NOW, I WILL GET YOU FIRED!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I will pass on your complaint.”

Caller: *all of a sudden he speaks in an almost hushed tone* “You know you’re going to Hell now, right…?” *click*