Category: Movies & TV

Make No Concessions For The Price

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Movies & TV, Popular

(I’m working concession. A woman in a very expensive designer sweat-suit, and what appears to be expensive jewelry, walks up to me.)

Customer: “Small popcorn and a water, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. That’ll be $10.50.”

(She pauses and begins laughing wildly without breaking eye contact. After seeing that I’m confused, she stops.)

Customer: *suddenly looking panicked* “Wait… you’re not joking?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s $10.50 for a small popcorn and a bottle of water.”

Customer: *going pale* “I… I can’t…”

(She literally darts away without saying anything else. She comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “Just the water, then.”

Me: “It’ll be $4.”

Customer: “Are you kidding? You weren’t last time. Please tell me you’re kidding this time! PLEASE! I just… I can’t understand!”

Me: “I understand your confusion and I apologize. The thing is, movie theaters make no money on ticket sales, really. Those profits mostly go back to the studios and distributors who make and release the film. Hence, concessions have to be marked up since it’s where our actual profit comes from.”

Customer: *VERY over-dramatic* “But I paid $10 for my ticket! I PAID $10 FOR MY TICKET! SURELY THAT’S ENOUGH FOR YOU TO MAKE ENOUGH MONEY NOT TO CHARGE ME SO MUCH FOR WATER!”

(My coworker from the next register speaks up.)

Coworker: “We actually make just pennies on the dollar for tickets during the first few weeks a film is out. He’s telling the truth. We really don’t make any real money off of ticket sales.”

Customer: “I CAN’T!”

(She storms away. About five minutes later, a man in similarly expensive clothing walks in and waits by concession. A few minutes later, I hear the original customer, in a panicked voice speak up.)

Customer: *to man* “Honey! Come here now! I need you!”

(He darts away, shaking his head. I’m guessing this has happened before. I overhear their conversation as they disappear down the hall.)

Customer: “It was horrifying! Horrifying! I had to go splash water on my face and do a breathing exercise in the bathroom to calm myself down! Because my heart was pounding so hard! They actually charge $10 for popcorn and water! I can’t do this! I just can’t do this! If I have a heart attack, I’m going to file a lawsuit against this crooked theater!”

(I make sure they’re out of earshot.)

Me: “Did the woman whose sweatpants alone probably cost more than I make in a month REALLY just imply she was going to have a heart attack over $10 of concessions?”

Coworker: “Hey, just be glad you weren’t working here the one time we had to call the cops on a lady for assaulting a manager over a 75-cent price increase on popcorn a few years back.”

Me: “I don’t even want to know…”

Nothing Scarier Than Childbirth

| Budapest, Hungary | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Movies & TV

(I am working in a cinema as a cashier. It is late at night, a few minutes before midnight. A very pregnant woman comes in.)

Me: “Good evening, madame, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Is [Horror Movie] scary?”

Me: “I don’t know; I haven’t seen it, but I suppose.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take one adult ticket.”

Me: “Okay. where do you want to sit?”

Customer: “I would like to sit near the stairs, because I’m in my ninth month and probably I will start labour.”

Me: “Do you want to talk to my manager about it? If you do start labour, won’t that be a problem?”

Customer: “No, thank you. I have three children. It happens all the time!”

Rated ‘R You Serious?’

| USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(I work at a movie theater.)

Customer: “Two tickets for [R-rated Movie].”

(The customer looks like a young teenager so I’m required to check his ID first.)

Me: “Sure, if your want to buy the tickets I’m just going to have to look at your ID first.”

Customer: “Come on, man. I’m not old enough.”

Me: “I can’t sell them to you, then. Sorry.”

Customer: “Come on, man.”

Me: “Sorry, dude.”

Customer: “Come on, man.”

Me: “I really can’t…”

Customer: “Come on, man!”

His Friend: “Yeah, I don’t think that’s working.”

Balls-To-The-Walls Crazy

| Renton, WA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(It is during the French Open, at my tennis shop. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Shop], how may I help you?”

Customer: *sounds frustrated* “I can’t see the tennis ball!”

Me: Sorry, ma’am, can you elaborate?

Customer: “I’m watching TV on one of those big HD TVs and the TV salesman said I should be able to everything but I still can’t see the ball. It’s so small and blends into the court. I was so upset and just didn’t know who I should call!”

Me: “You are watching the French Open and you can’t see the yellow ball on the clay courts?”

Customer: “Exactly! Is there anything you can do to help? I was so concerned and I didn’t know what to do so I just opened the phone book and you were the only listing under ‘tennis.’”

Me: *trying not to laugh as my boss walks in the shop* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a local pro shop thousands of miles away from the French Open. We have absolutely no jurisdiction over the size and color of the tournament balls. There’s really nothing I can do.”

Customer: *obviously missing the point* “There aren’t any other colors of balls?”

Me: “We do carry pink Breast Cancer Awareness balls.”

Customer: “No, thank you. I think that would look worse on the TV.”

Totally Wired Right Now

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Popular, Technology

(I work for a cable company doing customer service, as well as tier one tech support. The bulk of my job is rebooting cable boxes and modems, or programming remotes. People tend to get frustrated when I ask them to do basic things like make sure their TV is on or there are batteries in the remote, but it is stories like this which justify the reason for asking such basic things.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just picked up a new box at the local center, and I am getting the same error message I was on the last box.”

(There are a list of error codes that show on the front display of cable boxes where the time or channel usually is, so I expect it to be one of those.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but I definitely assist you with that today. Could you please read the code off to me?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s C-I-S-C-O.”

Me: “Cisco…? Sir, is that on the box itself or the TV?”

Customer: “The TV. It’s been there forever.”

Me: “Okay, sir, well that is just the name of the brand of the box. It appears to be rebooting. It is perfectly normal to see that there. Now can you please tell me what it says on the front display of the box itself?”

Customer: “Oh, it says [error code]. It’s been stuck like this for a half hour.”

Me: “Well, it shouldn’t be taking that long, so let me look up what that code means.” *a few seconds pass as I verify it is an input error* “Okay, sir, could you do me a favor and let’s walk through your connections to make sure everything is secure on the back of the box.”

Customer: “Okay, give me a second.” *there’s some rustling as I assume he is checking all the wires* “F***. I guess I might help if I plug the cable into the wall, huh?”

Me: *chuckling* “Yeah, that does tend help with your cable TV experience.”

Customer: “See, this is the s*** that happens when you smoke too much.”

(I have to mute myself to laugh out loud.)

Customer: “Wait, these calls are recorded, right? I should not have said that.”

Me: *chuckling harder* “No worries. Nobody listens to these calls anyway.”

(I can only hope that was one of my randomly selected calls for review that month.)

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