Category: Movies & TV

Situation Goes South (Park) Very Quickly

| Tabernacle, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Movies & TV

(The year is 1998. The South Park movie just came out and tons of kids attempting to sneak in to see it. I’m now seeing a mother and son.)

Mother: “Hey, I’d like two tickets for South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut please.”

(I look at the son, who appears to be no older than five years old.)

Me: “Um… ma’am. I’d hate to inform you, but this movie is not suitable for your child as it’s rated-R.”

Mother: “Why not?”

Me: “First off, even though it’s a cartoon, it’s NOT made for kids as it’s filled with swearing, offensive humor, and general themes not appropriate for kids. Second, South Park is well known by many parents throughout the state for its controversy.”

Mother: “I don’t care. It’s a cartoon, so it’s for kids.”

Kid: “Yeah! Adults are too old for cartoons.”

Me: *sigh* “Enjoy the show…”

(20 minutes later, the parent shows up again with her kid, visibly angry.)

Mother: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS WASN’T A KIDS’ MOVIE?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I told you explicitly that this wasn’t for kids, but you ignored me as ‘cartoons are only for kids.'”

Kid: “MOM! TAKE ME BACK TO THE F****** MOVIE, YOU UNCLE F********!”

Mother: “You do not use that language with me, [Kid]! GET ME THE MANAGER NOW!”

Me: “Okay!”

Manager: “What’s the problem here, [My Name]?”

Me: “This woman is rather mad here?”

Manager: “Okay, what’s up?”

Mother: “This movie was not suitable for my child!”

Manager: “Which one?”

Son: “TAKE ME BACK TO WATCH THE F****** SOUTH PARK F****** MOVIE, MOMMY!”

Manager: “I think that answers my question. Ma’am, I believe [My Name] did tell you that this movie is not suitable for your child.”

Mother: “It’s a d*** cartoon. It should be for kids only. That’s made to corrupt the youth!” *she then hits the manager with her purse*

Manager: “Ma’am, please refrain from unruly behavior.”

(She then punches me in the face, and starts to harass me verbally.)

Manager: “I’ve had enough. GET OUT!”

Mother: “Why the h*** should I?! Give me back my f****** money, b****!”

Manager: “You’re harassing us and you’ve hurt my employee. Now get out or else I’ll call the police and you will be banned from the theater!”

Mother: “I think you’re mistaken.”

(She then attacked other customers. We called the police and she was arrested. She was sentenced to a month in jail.)

Doesn’t Have The Magic Touch

| LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Religion

(My coworker and I are discussing Harry Potter: which book was our favorite, which movie, what we would have liked to have seen in the movies, etc. when a customer walks in.)

Customer: *scowling at us* “You shouldn’t read those books. They teach the devil’s work!”

(My coworker and I reply at the same time.)

Coworker: “Not really.”

Me: “Not in the slightest.”

Customer: “YES, THEY ARE! They have magic in them so they teach the devil’s work!”

Me: *smiling* “Humor me here, okay?”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Your little girl watches Disney, right? And she really loves the Disney Princesses, right?”

Customer: *proudly* “Yes! She’s growing up on good, wholesome family movies like I did!”

Me: “Okay, so she loves the Princess movies. Who is her favorite?”

Customer: “Right now it’s Rapunzel.”

Me: “You mean the Disney Princess who has magical hair because her mother ate a magical plant to save her when she was pregnant with Rapunzel? The same Rapunzel who was kidnapped by a witch and kept in a tower?”

Customer: “Yes! The witch was evil! She wanted to use Rapunzel’s magical hair all for herself.”

Me: “Right. Rapunzel’s magical hair that healed people when she sang.”

Customer: *snottily* “What’s your point?”

Me: “My point is that you let your child watch Disney movies that are full of talking animals, magical hair, enchanted furniture, etcetera, etcetera, but you don’t think my coworker and I should read Harry Potter because it has magic in it, making it the devil’s work.”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Me: “You see the flaw in your logic, right?”

Customer: *loudly* “There is no flaw! Magic is evil and that’s that!”

Me: *rubbing my temples* “Right. Did you actually need anything tonight?”

Customer: “No! I think I’ll go to the dollar store down the street instead!”

Me: “You do that, ma’am.”

Making A Mockingjay Out Of You

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(I’m working in the box office on a slow night.)

Customer: *after movie gets out* “Can I get a refund? That movie was horrible! I hated the ending!”

Me: “I’m sorry. What did you see?”

Customer:  “Catching Fire. It just ended! How am I supposed to know what happens next? It was getting really good and then it just stopped. I don’t understand why they would do that!”

Me: “Oh, well there is actually another movie coming out. It’s originally based on a book trilogy; Catching Fire is based off of the second book.”

Customer: “So that’s not the end?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the next movie will probably be out in a couple years.”

Customer: “So it’s like Breaking Dawn?”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “Oh, that makes so much more sense! Bye!”