Category: Movies & TV

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I-Maximum Idiocy

| GA, USA | Movies & TV, Popular

(I have worked for years at a gift shop in a natural history museum which has an IMAX giant screen theater. As such, we always carry as many of the titles we screen on DVD as possible. This was a common occurrence.)

Customer: “Hey, yeah, I was looking for [IMAX film] on DVD.”

Me: “Absolutely. Right over here.”

Customer: “So… is… is this as big as the IMAX screen in there?”

Me: “Haha… only if your television is five stories high!”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You know, if your television is as big as the theater?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “No… No, it’s not.”

(I still cannot figure out how they thought a DVD would warp space and physics and expand their 27 inch Zenith into a five story IMAX screen. Sadly, this conversation happened WAY more than once, so I just quit making the joke. I know it wasn’t THAT funny… but, geez.)

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Horror Movie

| AZ, USA | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Popular

(I’m working in the video department at an entertainment store. My responsibilities include checking-in and shelving DVDs, and sending warning letters when a customer’s account balance has so many late fees that their account is being sent to collections.)

Me: *answers phone with store greeting*

Caller: “You crook!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “I got this letter saying I stole some movies! How dare you accuse me? You’re all thieves!”

Me: *manages to extract her name so I can pull up her account* “Well, ma’am, it looks like you rented out [Movie #1] and [Movie #2] on [Date]. If you return them, the block will be removed and your account will not be sent to collections.”

Caller: “I bought those movies! You’re a f****** liar! You’re going to f****** ruin my credit!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but those movies are still popular releases and we haven’t marked any for used sale yet. My system says specifically that they were rented.”

Caller: “You’re just trying to swindle me!”

Me: “Ma’am, new copies of these movies sell for $25 and we have never sold a used copy of either. You paid $6 to rent both.”

(The caller goes into an insane rage. She threatens to beat me up, kidnap me, throw acid in my face, and burn my store down. In the background you can hear her husband desperately trying to get her to calm down and hang up.)

Me: *hangs up*

(Twenty minutes later a man walked in and silently dropped the two movies into the slot.)

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Satellite Plight

| USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Transportation

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I need you to realign my satellite.”

Me: “Well, sir, I can have a tech—”

Customer: “Are you f****** deaf?! I said I want you to realign my satellite!”

Me: “In order to do that, sir, I would need to get a tech out there, as your satellite dish is screwed onto your roof.”

Customer: “Don’t insult my f****** intelligence. I know you have a button over there to f****** realign it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have that.”

Customer: “You guys cut off my satellite because my landlords are getting divorced! You f****** purposely messed it up because of there stupid f****** divorce; I know it! That’s why it says searching for satellite on my screen!”

Me: “Sir, please stop yelling at me. I—” *customer hangs up*