Category: Movies & TV

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O, Canaduh, Part 6

| Ladysmith, BC, Canada | Canada, Movies & TV

(I’m a locations production assistant. One of my responsibilities includes lock-up, which means preventing pedestrians from walking through the location when we’re filming. A man approaches me.)

Man: “What’s going on here?”

Me: “Hello, sir. We’re filming a movie called [Title].”

Man: “I can see that. I wanted to know about THAT.”

(He points to a bank building across the street.)

Me: “Well, the film is set in the US, and since [Bank] only operates in Canada, we’ve covered up their logo with an American flag.”

Man: “Well, take it down! Makes me feel like we’ve been invaded!”

Me: “We’ll be taking it down as soon as we finish shooting this scene, sir. Shouldn’t be more than another hour or so.”

Man: “Oh, yeah? Well, what if I went over there right now and took it down myself?”

Me: “Personally I wouldn’t be able to stop you, sir, but I would advise you against it.”

Man: “I’ll do it!”

(I know he’s just grandstanding, but I’m sick of this, as I can get in major trouble if he even ruins a take by making too much noise. I turn on my walkie-talkie.)

Me: “[Key Grip]? Can you come give me a hand?”

(As I’m one of the few women on location and a rookie, many of the crew are a little protective of me; particularly our key grip, a muscle-bound Frenchman who’s over two metres tall. He jogs over.)

Key Grip: “What’s the issue?”

Man: *blinks and swallows a few times* “No problem! Bye, now!”

(Unfortunately, I still had two more people complain about the flag later, including a woman who kept insisting that it was illegal to fly an American flag in Canada. One of the many reasons why I quit the film industry!)

Related:

O, Canaduh, Part 5

O, Canaduh, Part 4

O, Canaduh, Part 3

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Won’t Even Try To Un-butter You Up

| Santa Monica, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Movies & TV

(I’m working concessions on Christmas Day and due to the release of about four new movies, we have four registers open with long lines on all of them. A woman and her daughter come up to my register.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Guest #1: *not looking at me and rambling rudely* “[Candy] and two water bottles.”

Me: *handing her what she ordered* “Here you go. Anything else?”

Guest #1: “No!”

Me: “Okay. So, [Candy] and two water bottles… Your total will be $12.27.”

Guest #1: *throws credit card on counter* “Here!”

Me: “Okay. Here’s your receipt. Enjoy your movie!”

(Guest #1 moves over to the side without taking her receipt and I start processing Guest #2’s order.)

Guest #2: “Hi! I’ll have a small popcorn and a sm–”

Guest #1: “Unbuttered popcorn!”

Guest #2: “–small diet [Soda].”

Me: *thinking the two guests are together and handing Guest #2 his order* “Okay. Your total is $11.23*

(I notice Guest #1 didn’t leave with the other guest and put it all together.)

Me: “Hi. Did you want a small popcorn?”

Guest #1: “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR IT THIS WHOLE TIME!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t charge you for a popcorn. I can show you the receipt right here. If you want one I’m going to have to charge you for it.”

Guest #1: “THIS IS BULL-S***! I SHOULD BE GETTING THIS FOR FREE BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR FAULT! IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE SUCH A LONG LINE, I WOULD BE COMPLAINING TO YOUR MANAGER SO I GET A FREE POPCORN! THIS IS HORRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! HERE!” *throwing her card at me*

Me: *bringing popcorn and swiping card dramatically* “That’ll be $6.09. Enjoy!”

Coworker: “D***… What a b****.”

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Dumb Customers: Part Two

| UK | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(A customer phoned today:)

Customer: “I bought a DVD from your store and my husband and I watched it together. At the end it said ‘To Be Continued’. We looked on Amazon and apparently there isn’t going to be a sequel as the film studio won’t make one. We now don’t know how the story ends. We feel cheated. Can we have a refund?”

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Doodles Of An Adult Nature

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Movies & TV

(I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and I like to draw in my free time. It’s a slow day, so I pull out my doodle book and finish up with colouring a picture I’ve been working on. It’s a picture of a female character from a video game I enjoy. Note: said character usually wears just a tank top and a skirt. I don’t notice the customer at my counter.)

Customer: *clears throat*

Me: “OH! I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t see you there.” *I start to put away my drawing*

Customer: “Oh, no! Would you mind if I looked at that picture?”

Me: “Oh, uh, sure.” *I show it to her*

Customer: “What an interesting drawing. Does she have a name?”

Me: *scanning her items* “Yup, she’s called Pauleen.”

Customer: “What a nice name. Did you make her yourself?”

Me: “Well, I made the drawing, not the character. She’s from a video game called [Game Series].”

Customer: “Cool! But, uh, does she always wear so little clothes?”

Me: “Yes. Here, I’ll show you.” *I pull out my phone and show the customer the official art I used for the basis of my drawing*

Customer: “Oh. Okay, good. I thought you were drawing porn or something!”

Me: “Haha! No. I don’t do that. I have another picture of her, though.”

Customer: “Oh, can I see it?”

(Note: The page that my other drawing is on accidentally got torn out of my doodle book, so I keep it at my house.)

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “Aw, why not?”

Me: “Well, it—”

Customer: *suddenly backs away in horror* “WAIT! I know what the problem is! You DID draw her naked, didn’t you!”

Me: “What?! N—”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me, young man! You drew a porno version of this picture and posted it online!”

Me: “No, it—”

Customer: “You probably think it’s ‘hot,’ too! You sick b******!”

Me: “For the love of God, lady! I can’t show you the other picture because it’s at my house!”

Customer: *turns red and runs out with her groceries*

(Later.)

Coworker: “So, apparently you draw [Game Series] porn?”

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A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action, Please

| NM, USA | Movies & TV

(It’s a somewhat busy night at the theater, and we’re doing a pretty good job at keeping a good pace for low customer wait times. We get some sticklers who ask us what’s showing and slow the entire process down.)

Customer: “What’s on around this time?”

Me: “Hmm, well we have a lot of films right now. Is there anything you want in particular? Comedy, action, romance?”

Customer: “Uh, what’s on right now?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’d be happy to help. Is there anything specific you’re in the mood for?”

Customer: “How about you tell me what’s playing now.”

(I continue to tell her every show we have playing, which at the time is roughly 14.)

Customer: “Why’d you have to waste our time? We only wanted to see an action movie.”

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