Category: Movies & TV

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A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action, Please

| NM, USA | Movies & TV

(It’s a somewhat busy night at the theater, and we’re doing a pretty good job at keeping a good pace for low customer wait times. We get some sticklers who ask us what’s showing and slow the entire process down.)

Customer: “What’s on around this time?”

Me: “Hmm, well we have a lot of films right now. Is there anything you want in particular? Comedy, action, romance?”

Customer: “Uh, what’s on right now?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’d be happy to help. Is there anything specific you’re in the mood for?”

Customer: “How about you tell me what’s playing now.”

(I continue to tell her every show we have playing, which at the time is roughly 14.)

Customer: “Why’d you have to waste our time? We only wanted to see an action movie.”

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Screening The Customers

| Portsmouth, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Wild & Unruly

Me: “That’s two adults for [Movie] at 15:50; you’ll be in screen 12.”

Customer: “No, that’s wrong.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want a later showing?”

Customer: “No, screen 12. You don’t have a screen 12.”

Me: “Um, yes, we do. We have 14 screens.”

Customer: “No, you’re lying to me and sending me to the wrong screen. You don’t have a screen 12. You only have 3 screens.”

Me: “No, we have 14.”

Customer: “Then why does that say screens 1-3 on it?”

(The customer points to a large sign on the opposite side of the foyer that indicates where screens 1-3 are.)

Customer: “Huh, huh, so, fix this now, and do your f****** job correctly.”

Me: “Screen 12 is on the other side of the foyer.”

(We are at the ice cream counter which obscures the view of the sign indicating screens 4-14.)

Customer: *leans over the small counter and right into my face* “There is no f****** screen 12. Fix it, you stupid b****!

Me: *I step back, walk around the counter and step into the foyer, taking a few steps out until the sign is visible* “Sir, if you could just step over here?”

Customer: *looks confused, but stamps over* “What?”

(I point at the sign for the screens and remain silent.)

Customer: “But… But…”

Me: “That is the direction for screen 12, but since you were verbally abusive and threatening towards a member of staff I’m refusing you service and asking you to please leave the premises before I call security. The front doors are that way.”

(He started screaming and swearing enough that in the end we had to call security to remove him, and he didn’t get a refund on the tickets he’d already paid for.)

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A Racist Plot Twist

, | FL, USA | Bigotry, Movies & TV

(It’s a slow day at work. My coworker and I are standing behind the counter making idle chat.)

Me: “Know what I’ve been thinking about?”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Kids’ sports movies.”

Coworker: “Kids’ sports movies?”

Me: “Yuh huh. Specifically, the fact that they’re all exactly the same.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean how they all have the exact same plot, the exact same characters, the exact same tone, everything.”

Coworker: *sounding unconvinced* “Hmmm…”

Me: “Think about it. You always have the exact same set of stereotypical characters: the nerd, the fat kid, the black kid who only talks in pseudo-racist jive, the girl playing on the boys’ team just to prove she can, and the guy who could be a superstar if he could just get past his piddling first-world emotional problems.”

Coworker: “You know, I think I see what you mean. Don’t forget the alcoholic coach trying to relive his glory days.”

Me: “Exactly. And our ragtag band of misfits always has to play the team of rich snobs in the championship game who taunted and defeated them at the beginning of the movie.”

Coworker: “And the coach of the rich snobs’ team was the one who humiliated our heroes’ coach way back when.”

Me: “Right. And our heroes lose their first couple of games until a pep talk from the coach inspires them, and then they destroy every successive opponent they face until the championship game, when the rich snobs are kicking their butts at halftime. Then the would-be superstar finally gets his head out of his butt and helps them turn things around in the second half and they win.”

Coworker: “And as the second half of the championship game begins, it shows a montage of our heroes evening the score set to CCR’s ‘Up Around the Bend.'”

Me: “Hah! Totally! That’s like the ultimate ‘sports-getting-your-act-in-gear’ song.”

Coworker: “You know, you’re right.”

Me: “Like I told you, dude. They’re all the same.”

Customer: “How DARE you!”

Both Of Us: “Huh?”

(A customer has just walked up to the counter and overheard the last thing I said.)

Customer: “How DARE you say that all African-Americans are the same?! You RACIST!”

Me: “What? African-Americans? No, we were talking about kids’ sports movies.”

Customer: “You said ‘They’re all the same’!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I was saying that all of those movies are the same.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me, you racist scum! Anyone who says ‘They’re all the same’ is talking about African-Americans!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I promise you that’s not what we were talking about.”

Customer: “Shut up, you racist! This whole store is racist! I don’t have to put up with this racist store! This is the MOST offensive thing I’ve ever heard in my ENTIRE life and I demand compensation for this insulting racism!”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You’ll be sorry when your racist a** is out on the street!”

(She stomped off to the customer service counter to complain. Apparently she didn’t get the reaction she wanted from the store manager because she stomped out of the store all together a minute later. Also, she was white.)

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Question Their Need For A Ticket

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Technology

(I’m working box office. A woman chatting on her cell-phone approaches me, chatting away.)

Woman: *on phone* “…yeah, uh-huh. That’s what I told him! I know, he won’t listen.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Theater]. How can I help you?”

Woman: *on phone* “He’s just being stubborn. You know him. He’s always like this.”

(She continues on for almost ten seconds before looking over to me.)

Woman: *quickly* “Two tickets.” *she immediately goes back to talking*

Me: *awkwardly trying to find my way in* “Two tickets to what, ma’am?”

Woman: *on phone* “Hold up one sec, okay?” *to me* “What?”

Me: “What would you like two tickets to?”

Woman: *scoffing/frustrated* “[Movie].”

Me: *gesturing to our assigned seating chart* “And where would you like to sit?”

Woman: *back on phone* “Yeah, sorry, I’m at the movies. Oh, I know. I haven’t been here in so long. But I’m seeing [Movie] later. I heard it’s pretty good. You should come!”

(She continues talking for almost a full minute while I repeatedly re-ask her where she’d like to sit. Eventually, she puts her phone down for one second and turns to me, and instantly her eyes are fuming with anger.)

Woman: *shouting* “I do NOT like to be ASKED so many f****** QUESTIONS! SHUT IT!”

(It takes almost another full two minutes for the transaction to continue when she finally ends the call.)

Woman: *glaring* “What the h*** did you need so badly to interrupt me?!”

Me: “I need to know where you’d like to sit. Which seats would you like?”

Woman: “Didn’t I f****** ALREADY SAY that I don’t like to be ASKED f****** questions? This is f****** ridiculous!”

(She stormed off without buying her tickets. I’m still confused as to how she expected to get through life without being asked questions, or how she managed when her phone needed to be plugged in to charge for an hour or two, given how important it evidently was to her.)

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The Shows Aren’t The Only Thing They’re Missing

| USA | Movies & TV

(Our phone number at work is almost the same as the local cable TV company; just the last two numbers are reversed. I get a lot of calls for them but they usually understand that they dialed incorrectly.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, my cable is out; I need you to come fix it.”

Me: “I am sorry, you have reached [Company], not the cable company.”

Caller: “Okay, but when can you get here to fix my cable?”

Me: “I am sorry, you have the wrong number. [Cable Company] is [Other Number]. If you call them, they can help you.”

Caller: “Okay, here is my address.” *gives me address* “Can you get here soon? I am missing my shows!”

Me: *gives up* “You bet, give us about 15 minutes. Be sure you are standing out on the lawn waving so we can find you easier.”

(She didn’t call back — must still be standing out on the lawn…)

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