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Category: Money

Vacationing At The School Of Repetition

, | UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Money

(The phone rings.)

Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine, how may I help you.”

Caller: “Yes, my credit card number is 574…”

Me: “Excuse me, why are you giving me your credit card number?”

Caller: “I’m paying my room bill.”

Me: “Your… room bill? We don’t take any outside bookings for our teaching rooms…”

Caller: “No, no, no, the room I was staying in.”

Me: *realisation hitting* “Oh. I think you might have the wrong number, sir. This is the School of Medicine, part of [University].”

Caller: “… you’re not the Hilton Hotel?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “Oh.”

(He hangs up. I put the receiver down, and I’m just about to turn to my colleagues and comment on the strange call I just received when the phone goes again.)

Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Good afternoon. My credit card number is 574…”

Me: “Um, sorry, sir, but you’ve dialled the wrong number again; you’re through to the School of Medicine.”

Caller: “What? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m sure.”

Caller: “Oh.”

(He hangs up again. I turn to my colleagues and manage to say ‘that was weird,’ when the phone goes again.)

Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine.”

Caller: “Oh, you’re joking!”

Me: “Hello again, sir. No, you’re definitely ringing the wrong number.”

Caller: “But it can’t be. I put the number in right the first time!”

Me: “The first time? The first time you got through to me?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “And did you try putting the number in again the other times?”

Caller: “Well, of course not. That’s why I have redial on my phone!”

(At this point, I have to look up, remove the phone from my ear and breathe deeply through my nose in order not to break into convulsions of laughter.)

Me: “Sir, do you have something with the Hilton Hotel’s number on it?”

Caller: “Yes, I have their booking confirmation.”

Me: “Can you tell me the number?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s 9079 XXXX.”

Me: “I see the problem. Our number is 9097 XXXX. You need to hang up again and dial the correct number this time.”

Caller: “Oh.” *click*

(It took me nearly a minute after he hung up the final time before I managed to start telling my colleagues what had just happened.)

Related:

Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

No ID, No Idea, Part 18

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(We ask for ID when the credit or debit card purchase is over 15 dollars. This customer’s total is $97.94.)

Me: “Perfect, red for credit or type in the pin if it’s a debit card.”

(The customer selects credit.)

Me: “All right. Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Why the h*** do you need to see that?”

Me: “To verify that the card matches the purchaser, sir.”

Customer: “That’s why credit cards exist,boy! So that I can purchase whatever I want without ID! That’s how the world works son, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, sir, how do I know it’s you and not somebody stealing your card?”

Customer: “Because it’s me! Nobody stole my card, did they?! I’m the one buying this right now with this card!”

Me: “I would have no idea of knowing that unless I saw your Identification…”

(He then gave me his ID and was very pleasant for the rest of the transaction. But I guess I learned how the world worked?)

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 17
No ID, No Idea, Part 16
No ID, No Idea, Part 15

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 4

| TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a mattress retailer.)

Customer: “I want to see your [price] queen set.”

Me: “Okay, right this way.”

Customer: “Yes, that looks just like the one I bought at [Competitor] for [price $50 higher]. Do you guys have a price match policy?”

Me: “Yes, if you find the same product cheaper somewhere else we’ll match it.”

Customer: “Well, then, I want my $50 refund.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Under your guarantee, you have to refund me my $50!

Me: “But… didn’t you just say that you got it for $50 higher than our price at [Competitor]?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “So, you want us to refund you the $50 despite the fact that our price is lower, and you have never purchased anything from us.”

Customer: “Yes! How hard is this to understand? That’s what a price match guarantee is!”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t refund you money you never spent, plus the price match only applies if you buy the product from us and then find it cheaper somewhere else.”

Customer: “Don’t try and confuse me! You have to give me $50. It’s in writing and I’ll sue you for false advertising if you don’t! You’ll be fired!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but what you need to do is go to [Competitor] and enquire about their price match guarantee. If you want to return your product there, I would be happy to sell you this one for [price].”

Customer: “I can’t believe your lack of customer service! I’m never shopping here again!”

Me: “Ma’am, you have yet to purchase anything from us in the first place.”

Customer: “Well, I never!”

(She stormed out of the store. I have no idea if she got her $50, but good riddance!)

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 3
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

Stupidity That Defies Explanation

, | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

(I work in a fast food restaurant as a cashier. A grumpy old man approaches my counter with a voucher.)

Me: “Good morning. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ll have a bacon and egg muffin with a coffee, and I have a voucher.”

(I take the voucher and ring it up at the discounted price.)

Me: “That’ll be £1.99, please.”

Customer: “What?” *complete with a puzzled/angry expression*

Me: “That’ll cost you one pound and 99 pence, sir.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I want to use this voucher, for a free coffee.”

Me: “Yes, with the voucher that costs £1.99.”

Customer: “No, no.”

Me: “Yes, it does, sir. The voucher is for a ‘free coffee with the purchase of a muffin.’ The bacon egg muffin is £1.99, and that’s all you’re paying so the coffee is free.”

Customer: “NO, I want a BACON AND EGG MUFFIN, and I want to use this voucher for a free coffee.”

Me: *at a loss for words* “Well… yeah, that’s fine, but it will cost you £1.99.”

Customer: “No, I’m not following you. You’ve lost me.”

Me: “Okay. You want a bacon egg muffin, and a coffee, yeah?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Right, and you have a voucher. It says if you BUY a muffin, the coffee is free, yeah?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay. So you must buy the muffin, which costs £1.99—”

Customer: “—no! I want to use the voucher.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t explain it any more simply than that. The voucher says you need to buy a muffin to get a free coffee.”

Customer: “You’ve lost me; I want to speak to someone else.”

(I find my manager, who comes to my aid.)

Manager: “Hi, what was it you wanted?”

Customer: “I want a bacon and egg muffin and a coffee with this voucher!”

Manager: “Okay that’ll be £1.99 please.”

(The customer hands over £1.99 with no qualms! I can finally serve the idiot.)

Customer: *in a condescending tone* “That wasn’t difficult now, was it?”

Me: *in an even more condescending tone* “Nope, it really wasn’t.”

In For A Penny, In For A Pound Bag

| Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

Boyfriend: “Baby carrots are $0.99 for a one pound bag and $1.99 for a two pound bag.”

Me: “I need two pounds.”

(My boyfriend grabs a two pound bag and a customer next to him does as well.)

Me: “You know, it’s technically cheaper to buy two one pound bags—”

(The customer next to my boyfriend suddenly SLAMS his carrots down, snatches two one pound bags from the display and SPRINTS away.)

Me: “…by one penny.”

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