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Category: Money

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An Extra Order Of English Muffins

| IA, USA | Language & Words, Money, Popular

(My senior year of high school, I worked in a very small diner in a very small town. I make a bet with my manager that I can convince a table that I am from England. One Saturday morning, he seats an elderly couple and tells me that it was their first time in the restaurant. I took this as my cue.)

Me: *in a very thick, fake English accent* “Good morning! May I get you something to drink?”

Customer #1: “Are you English?!”

Me: *laughs* “Yes. My father moved here a few years ago and I’m visiting him for a few months.”

Customer #2: “Poor girl. Came all the way across the ocean just to work in a diner. We’ll have coffee, dear.”

Me: “All right. I’ll have that right out to you.”

(I get them their drinks and take their order when another table walks in and sits directly behind them. I go up and get their drink order in my normal voice, knowing that the other table can hear me. Throughout their stay, I alternate accents. The second table, after I explain to them what I am doing, laugh and wish me luck. During their meal, they ask me all sorts of questions such as where I came from, what it’s like in the United Kingdom, and such. Having never actually BEEN there, I went off what little knowledge I actually had to answer their questions.)

Customer #1: *to my manager on their way out* “You treat her nice now! She came all the way from England!”

Customer #2: *hands me $20* “Enjoy your stay here, young lady.”

(After they leave.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

Me: “I do believe I just won that bet, sir.”

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Foiled Their Plans

| Hattiesburg, MS, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(I am a customer service manager at a local grocery store. I hear this conversation between one of my cashiers and a customer.)

Coworker: “Okay, sir, four dollars is left after your EBT card. It is for the aluminum foil.”

Customer: “Why didn’t my EBT card pay for that?”

Coworker: “It isn’t food, sir….”

Customer: “Will it work if I get another brand?”

Coworker: “No, sir… it still isn’t food.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Coworker: “Yes…”

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Strike And You’re Out

| Italy | Liars & Scammers, Money, Popular

(We have a regular that always asks us to over-mark the amount of fuel he does on the expense sheet, which is illegal, but we comply because he always says “I did 20 yesterday evening on the self service” and we don’t want to delay other customers because he would make a scene. Today, however, it’s different.)

Regular: “Can you do [amount] and mark [higher amount] on the expense sheet? I came by yesterday evening and did 20€.”

Me: “Really? You came and did 20€ yesterday evening?”

Regular: “Yes…”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can mark that.”

Regular: “Why?”

Me: “We were completely closed for the national strike yesterday. No self service; nothing at all.”

(The look on the regular’s face was priceless.)

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Hexed The Decimal

| Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money, Popular

(A woman approaches my counter to purchase a washer. I ring her up with no problems, until we reach the very end.)

Woman: “Hey, did you take off my 10% discount? This is on sale.”

(I’m somewhat baffled, as this is the first time she’s mentioned a discount, but I look anyway.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The computer does it automatically.”

Woman: “Okay.”

(The customer then pays with a gift card, three credit cards, and $50 in cash. I finish the transaction and send her on her way. Ten minutes later, an angry gentleman approaches my counter.)

Man: “Hey, girl! You ripped my wife off! There’s no way this cost that much!”

Me: “Sir, I’ll happily look, though I’m fairly sure this is correct.”

Man: “No! It isn’t! You didn’t take off my discount.”

Me: “Okay. Do you want me to break this down, so you can see?”

Man: “Yeah, if you CAN. You cashiers use the computer so much that I doubt you’re capable of basic math!”

(I’m annoyed, but instead of remarking on it, I write down the original price of the item on a piece of paper and, by hand, multiply it by 0.9. )

Man: “Wait! Why are you doing that? It’s a ten-percent discount!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Which means you’re still paying 90%, right?”

Man: “Duh! I’m not stupid! But you multiplied that by a decimal! Not a percent!”

Me: “Well, sir, they’re the same thing. 90% is the same as 0.9.”

Man: “No, it isn’t! God, why does [Store] hire such stupid people?”

Me: “Sir, if you let me finish, I assure you that we’ll know if this receipt is correct.”

(The customer huffs but says nothing. I calculate out the rest of his purchase, with tax, and subtract his payment methods. My result is exactly the same as the one on his receipt.)

Me: “See, sir? I assure you it’s correct.”

Man: “No! I don’t think you know what you’re doing! That math is just insane! I want to speak to a manager!”

(To my surprise, my manager doesn’t understand it either, so I have to repeat myself to him. The customer still claims we’ve cheated him.)

Me: “Sir, I assure you that this is correct.”

Man: “Well, it’s clearly not, if your manager can’t figure it out!”

New Customer: “For God’s sake, I’m a math professor! Let me look at this!”

(The new customer comes around and looks at it.)

New Customer: *to Man* “Well, sir, I regret to inform you that this ‘stupid cashier’ is absolutely correct. If there’s something wrong with the math, it’s definitely yours.”

Man: “Well, I… well, she didn’t explain it right!”

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Seriously Needs Some Change

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(A group of five friends come up to the stand to buy pretzels. We have a deal going on: buy three pretzels get the fourth for free.)

Customer #1: “We need FIVE pretzels.”

Me: “All right. You’re going to be getting one of those for free today, so your total is going to be $12.36!”

Customer #1: *hands me their card, gets declined*

Me: “Oh! Your card was declined.” *inspects card a bit more to find that it’s a gift card that says $24 on it written in sharpie*

Customer #1: “Well, I just used it in a store five minutes ago, so it should be working. Scan it again!”

Me: “How much did you spend at the store?”

Customer #1: “Uhm. Like $14.”

Me: “The card has $24 , so since you spent $14, you only have $10 and the order is $12.36.”

Customer #1: “Um, okay.” *to Customer #2* “Gimme $2!”

Customer #2: *slowly digs through purse to find a wad of singles; [Customer #1] snatches $2*

Customer #1: *to Customer #3* “Gimme $0.36!”

Customer #3: *dumps out change purse on counter and counts out $0.36 in pennies*

Me: “Thank you… Now I just need to rescan your card to get the $10 since it declined it the first time!”

Customer #1: *hands me a $20*

(I and all the other customers just stared at her in disbelief.)

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