Category: Money

Talking Cheap Baloney

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(A customer approaches me at the register. He is wearing a shirt that indicates he is involved with a particular youth organization.)

Customer: “Do you have any cold sandwiches here?”

Me: “We have a few in the deli case there, and there’s also a [Pizza Chain] that does sandwiches across the street—”

Customer: “I don’t want to give them my business.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, the sandwiches we have are right down the aisle there.”

Customer: “They have a special, a large cheese pizza for [price] so I asked if I could get a large pepperoni for that price instead because it’s for [Youth Organization] but they said no, that it would be [slightly higher price] to add pepperoni. I can’t believe that!”

(The customer inspects our sandwiches and then leaves. I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “I know that ‘thrifty’ is one of the values of [Youth Organization] but there’s a line between that and just plain cheap!”

You’re Cheap And That’s The Tooth

| Belleville, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I’ve taken my mother to the dentist’s office, and I’m sitting in the waiting room for her to be done. A lady comes rushing in, and has the following conversation with the receptionist…)

Woman: “Hi, I’m sorry, but I have a crazy request! I’m going to a doctor’s appointment, and I forgot to brush my teeth! Can I get a toothbrush from you? Do you have free toothbrushes, like, to give to patients? I don’t have time to go out to a store!”

(This street has a drug store, at least three grocery stores, about four convenience stores, and a big chain retail superstore all within a quarter mile. And this is a small town, where stores are all crammed onto a few main streets that you have to take to get anywhere.)

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have any dental hygienists, so we don’t carry toothbrushes to give out, even to patients.”

Woman: “Oh, no! But I’m going to a doctor’s appointment. I need to brush my teeth, and I just saw your sign and thought maybe you’d have some!” *laughs loudly*

Receptionist: “Well, sorry. There is a drug store right up the street.”

Woman: “No, then I’d be late! Oh, well.” *runs out*

(I don’t know why she thought walking into a random dentist office and trying to explain all that would on the slim chance that they might give her a toothbrush would be quicker than stopping into a store. Somehow, I got the feeling she just wanted a free toothbrush.)

Convenience Is Not On The Cards

| USA | Money, Technology

(I take payments from our customers. The following situation happens on a regular basis.)

Customer: *by email* “Please charge my invoice to my credit card on file.”

Me: *after trying the card, and it is declined* “Your credit card ending in 1234 was declined. If you would like to use another card, please call me with the number.”

Customer: “Oh, that card was compromised/had fraudulent charges on it, so I had to get a new one. The new card number is—” *gives entire card number, expiration date, security code, and billing address*

Me: *after deleting the credit card number* “Thank you for your new credit card number. In the future, please call me if you have a new credit card.”

Customer: “Why? Emailing it is so much faster.”

Me: *facepalm*

Your Business Model Is Rent Out Of Shape

| SD, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Money, Movies & TV

(I work at a public library at the circulation desk. One day a young man approaches the desk.)

Patron: “How much is it to rent a book?”

Me: “If you have a library card, it is free. If you live outside the county, you pay for the card but borrowing items is always free.”

(The patron then wandered over to the audio books before returning to the desk.)

Patron: “How much to rent books on CD?”

Me: “They are free to borrow, sir.”

(He shakes his head and goes to the DVD section. Again he returns to the desk.)

Patron: “How many DVDs can I take and what does it cost?”

Me: “You may borrow five at a time and there is no cost unless they are returned late.”

(The patron looks confused.)

Patron: “I just don’t get why you do this if there’s no money in it for you. Well, good luck with that!”

Can’t Break Free Of The ‘Get One Free’ Cycle

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “That’s wrong; the photo paper is buy one get one free.”

Me: “It is buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Then why is it coming up at $17?”

Me: “Because that’s how much the photo paper is. It’s $17 each but you got two for $17.”

Customer: “No, it’s $11.”

(I ask my coworker to check the sign for me.)

Customer: “And it’s supposed to be buy one get one free!”

Me: “It is buy one get one free.”

(My coworker calls me to say that the sign says FROM $11 so I explain that to the customer, but he doesn’t understand, so I take him to the aisle to show him.)

Me: “See, this sign advertising the buy one get one free, is saying that the prices START at $11. That doesn’t mean they are all $11. The paper you picked has its own sign here, see? It says it’s $17.”

Customer: “But it says $11 on this sign! They lie!”

Me: “No, it says FROM $11. That means that the photo paper on for Buy One Get One Free is $11 or more. The one you picked is $17.”

Customer: “And it isn’t buy one get one free?”

Me: Yes, it is. All the [Brand] photo paper packs are buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Well which one is $11?”

Me: “The 4×6. You have 8×10.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll just get one, then.”

Me: “Why would you only get one? It’s buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Because you said it wasn’t!”

Me: “No, I didn’t. I just said that it wasn’t $11.”

Customer: “NO! You told me that the paper I wanted wasn’t buy one get one free!”

Me: “I never once said that. I told you repeatedly that the paper you wanted was still buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”

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