Category: Money

The Color(ful Language) Of Money

| NC, USA | Language & Words, Money

(A patron complaining about the cost of a fax:)

Patron: “Two d*** dollars?!”

Coworker: “Regular dollars will work, too.”

This Conversation Has A Beautiful Final Destination

| UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

Customer: “I’d like to go to [Destination #1] today, then on to [Destination #2] tonight, then back here tomorrow.”

(I know that in order to get from Destination #1 to Destination #2, the customer will have to come back through here, so I sell her a here-to-Destination #1 return and a here-to-Destination #2 return.)

Customer: “Excuse me; this isn’t what I asked for!”

Me: “Sure it is, that will get you to [Destination #1] today, [Destination #2] tonight, and back to here tomorrow.”

Customer: “No! I wanted a single to [Destination #1] and then a [Destination #1] to [Destination #2] return! This is disgraceful customer service. You are useless at your job. You ought to be f***ing fired because you can’t even listen to what people want! You need re-training so you learn not to sell the wrong tickets and waste honest people’s money! How much have you overcharged me, so I can let your manager know how you’ve f***ing stolen from me!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’ve saved you £26.”

(The customer was left gaping while every other customer in the queue who’d heard every word started laughing at her. It was the most beautiful moment in my working life so far.)

Making It Rain Laminated Sheets

| Canada | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Technology

(An older gentleman approaches the counter, with an abrupt manner about him.)

Customer: “Do you do laminating here?”

Me: “Yep, sure do!”

(Before I can explain pricing or options or anything, he cuts me off:)

Customer: “Well, where is it? Is it a machine in self-serve, or do I have to give you the items, or what?”

Me: “Oh, it gets done here, behind the counter. What are you looking to get laminated today?”

(He reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet. That’s not that unusual; people frequently get business cards or small wallet-sized photo laminated. However, instead of getting anything like that out, I see he’s opened the bill portion and is pulling out a $100 bill… and another… and another… and another, until he’s holding out ten $100 bills. He holds them out to me like it’s nothing, a strange smugness about him. In my surprise over it, it takes me a second to actually respond, but eventually I take a step back and hold my hands up and shaking my head;)

Me: “I… can’t laminate that.”

Customer: “What?! Well, why not? What’s wrong with it!”

Me: “It’s illegal for me to laminate any kind of currency.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean? How is that possible? Just laminate it!”

Me: “Well, even if I COULD laminate it… It would get ruined in the machine… Like, it would melt. You know these bills are made of something similar to plastic, right? And the laminate sheet is its own sort of plastic. The heat from the machine would make the bills illegible.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just run them through.”

Me: “The heat would ruin them. They would melt together with the plastic of the laminate sleeve, probably ‘bleeding’ and blurring…”

(I had no idea if that would happen or not, I just knew that they couldn’t go through the machine because they’d sustain some sort of damage, and also it is illegal. He looked entirely displeased and put out, but then shoved the bills back into his wallet and stormed away. I turned to my coworker who was with me at the time, looking at her in disbelief, and she shrugged.)

Coworker: “Maybe he had some big bill to pay, and he’s trying to be a smart-a** about it.”

No Bright Prospects For This Lamp

| WI, USA | Money, Movies & TV

(My husband and I own a thrift shop and consignment store. People bring in items to us either for consignment or to sell us. A lady brings in “an antique lamp.”)

Customer: “I want to sell this lamp, and I expect $300 for it.”

Me: “Hmm, based on our local economy, if genuine, it will only sell for a fraction of that at the most. I can offer $40.”

Customer: *outraged* “It is the same kerosene lamp found in Gone With The Wind and it is worth way more than that!”

Me: “Then it is probably a replica, especially since, despite resembling an antique kerosene lamp, it has an electrical cord coming out of it.”

Customer: “An expert friend of mine appraised it for me and said it is genuine. It is worth a thousand, and I you will be making a huge mistake passing up this deal”

Me: “I am not saying I am an expert, but I doubt I could sell the lamp in my store for much more than I offered, and by all means, I can direct you to other reputable businesses.”

(She left in a huff. A week later, she returned with the lamp, humbly admitting the other businesses only offered her $20.)

Paying It Forwards, Going Backwards

Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

(I’m a customer in a restaurant. A woman has just asked for her bill only to be told it was already paid by someone else.)

Customer: “What do you mean it’s been paid? By who?”

Waiter: “I’m sorry, they asked to be kept anonymous.”

Customer: “WHO PAID MY BILL?”

Waiter: “Someone else paid your bill, ma’am. I don’t know their name.”

Customer: “Get your manager.”

(The owner happens by, showing another couple to their table.)

Owner: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Customer: “This guy won’t give me my bill. He said it’s been paid for already. Someone else paid my bill.”

Owner: “It happens sometimes. I guess they wanted to be nice. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “No. I want to know who paid it!”

(She proceeds to go to every table and ask the customers there if they were the ones who paid her bill. Eventually she was thrown out of the restaurant for causing a scene. I guess some people just can’t be grateful!)