Category: Military

Height Trumps Hate

| San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

(My younger brother has come to town to visit me. I take him to the bar I work at for a few drinks and to meet my friends there. A regular customer who has been hitting on me for months comes in and sees us sitting together in one of the booths.)

Customer: *tries to look down my shirt* “Huh, and I thought after all this time you were a f***ing lesbian. Or is this f** your beard?”

Me: “I’m not working tonight. Go bother someone else.”

(The customer slides into the booth next to me, and tries to put his arm around my shoulders.)

Customer: “Why don’t you send your f** boyfriend off to get some beer and we can have a nice talk?”

(Note that my brother has been sitting slouched in the booth, concealing his size.)

Brother: “Why don’t you take your hands off of her and f*** off?”

(The customer springs out of the booth and stands near my brother in a really stupid looking ‘karate’ pose.)

Customer: “Why don’t you make me, you f***ing f**?! Huh?! Why don’t you make me?”

Brother: “Okay…”

(As he starts to slowly get out of the booth, the customer realizes his mistake. The customer is maybe 5’8″, while my brother looms over a foot taller than him at 6’9″. My brother grabs him by collar and belt and throws him out.)

Brother: “And it’s Sergeant, not f**, if you don’t mind!”

(I love my little brother.)

Semper Bye Bye, Part 2

| MN, USA | Health & Body, Military, Top

(I’ve recently come back from a week off recovering from surgery. This takes place when a semi-regular customer, who has always been a bit of a pain, sees me back.)

Customer: “You! Where the h*** have you been?! Off on vacation, I assume, off enjoying yourself not giving two s***s about your customers!”

Me: “Actually, I was recovering from surgery.”

Customer: “Right, you expect me to believe you had surgery done? You were probably on vacation! Don’t you know you people don’t get a vacation? You are put on this earth to cater to people like me!”

Me: “Yeah, no.”

Customer: “Excuse me?!”

Me: “I’m not put here to cater to you. In fact, I’m refusing you service.”

Customer: “You can’t do that, you stupid b****! Do your f***ing job before I beat some sense into you!”

(By this point, a coworker and the owner have overheard the commotion and come over.)

Coworker: *to me* “Go ahead and clock out.”

Customer: *startled* “What?”

Coworker: “You wanted to have a go at her, right? Well, I’m letting her go clock out. I should warn you, though, she’s a black belt and she served two tours in Iraq. Good luck to you, sir.”

Customer: *to the owner* “I want her fired!”

Owner: “I want to watch her kick your a** all over our parking lot. We can’t always get what we want.”

Customer: “You can’t speak to me this way! Don’t you know who I am?”

Owner: “Can’t say that I care who you are.”

Customer: “I’m very important!”

Coworker: “No you aren’t. People who say that are never important. Are you also kind of a big deal?”

Customer: “I DEMAND something be done about this! What are you going to do?!”

Owner: “Well, first I’m going to kick you out, then I’m going to let her go kick you around our parking lot, THEN I plan to give both my employees here raises for having to deal with people like you.”

Customer: “You can’t do that!”

Owner: “Sure I can. Oh, and I’d get moving if I were you. I’m sending her to clock out right now.”

Customer: “Right, like you can do anything to me.”

Me: “Honey, I was trained by the US Marines. Do you really want to take that chance?”

(The customer finally believes me and suddenly looks terrified. He starts backing away with his hands out.)

Customer: “Hey, we were just fooling… no harm done, right?”

Me: “Wrong, I’ll give you a ten second head start…”

(The customer runs out of the store in a blind panic. We never saw him again after that. My coworker and I did in fact get a raise!)

Related:
Semper Bye Bye

Schwarzenegger Fi

| Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre, Military, Zombies

(I work in a New Age sort of store, so we get some interesting types.)

Customer: “I’m the son of Jesus and am preparing for World War III. Do you own any guns?”

Me: “Yeah, I do actually.”

Customer: “Good! You can come fight with me and my friends when the armies come.”

Me: “Um… no thanks. I actually have my own apocalypse plan, in case of zombies and stuff.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, make sure that when it happens, you watch out for any Marines you see!”

Me: *shocked* “My brother is a Marine!”

Customer: *shakes head sadly* “He’s lost. He’s a cyborg. You’ll have to destroy him before he destroys you!”

Me: “Thanks for the heads up…”