Category: Military

Some Sprinkles Come With Sergeants

| CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Military, Top

(At the restaurant where I work, my boyfriend is visiting me. He’s just gotten home from the army and is still in uniform. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: *points at sprinkles* “Excuse me, there is ice in my ice cream!”

Me: “Sir, those are sprinkles. You asked for rainbow sprinkles.”

Customer: “They are too cold to be sprinkles, so they must be ice!”

Me: “The ice cream is what’s making them cold, sir.”

Customer: “You’re a liar, you b****! Get me your f***ing manager!”

(Unwilling to take the customer’s abusive behavior, my boyfriend speaks up.)

My Boyfriend: “Those are f***ing sprinkles, you a**hole! If you don’t like it, then just go home and make your own ice cream!”

Customer: *quickly exits the restaurant*

Manager: *to my boyfriend* “You should stop by more often! I’ll even pay you to handle these customers!”

A War Unwon

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bigotry, Military, Top

(I am on leave and meeting an old friend in a restaurant inside a mall. Since I don’t know the area, I get there early and decide to window-shop beforehand. An old guy in his 80s approaches me.)

Customer: “I remember the good days when I didn’t have to see many of you orientals. Now, you’re everywhere stealing our jobs. All you do is get in the way and take from my great country.”

Me: “Sir, I’m a Marine. I’ve been in Afghanistan on multiple tours for the last three years. I serve OUR great country.”

Customer: “Oh! That’s good. Better you than losing some American boys.”

(I think about how the Marines trained me to survive everything an enemy can throw at us, but not how to listen to an old racist white man.)

Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2

| Richmond, VA, USA | Canada, Military

(Canadian Army Reservists go to Fort Pickett in Virginia to train with the National Guard. I am in the last flight out of the U.S. and back to Nova Scotia. I am in my uniform, waiting for to be processed through security when a fellow traveler approaches me.)

Traveler: “Thank you so much for protecting us! We are so proud of the bravery of soldiers defending the United States!”

Me: “Thank you ma’am, but I’m not an American. I’m from the Canadian Army.”

(She looks confused, so I point to the small Canadian flag on my shoulder.)

Me: “You know, your friendly neighbours to the north?”

Traveler: “Oh! Mexico!”

Yukon Not Believe This Juan

In The Navy, His Fate is Sealed

| Toulon, France | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Military, Top

(The restaurant is near a Navy base and thus, sometimes, sailors and officers off-duty come to eat. A man and his girlfriend come in. They haven’t reserved a table, were rude and snotty with my co-workers, complained a lot about the food and talked loudly and sometimes mocked the other customers. My manager decides that enough is enough when the man lit a cigarette after requesting his bill.)

Manager: “Sir, you can’t smoke here.”

Customer: “Yes I can.”

Manager: “Sir, you’re in a smoke-free zone. Either go away or put out this cigarette.”

(The customer gets up. He’s clearly taller and larger than the manager and glances at him.)

Customer: “Buddy, listen. I’m a Navy’s lieutenant, so I’m not going to take crap from civvies. Just shut up and let me smoke.”

(At this point, I decide to call the police when I notice another customer with his family getting up and going straight to the troublemaker.)

Customer #2: “Did I hear you’re in the Navy?”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Customer #2: “You work at the base here?”

Customer: “What? Get the f*** out, you d*** civvie!”

Customer #2: “You know [name]?”

Customer: “Who the f*** are you and what the f*** do you want?”

Customer #2: “Do you know [name]?”

Customer: “[name] is my superior!”

Customer #2: “Well, I’m HIS superior, and as soon as I’m out of here, I’ll make sure he lights your a** up.”

(The second customer pulls out a military ID and shows it to him. The troublemaking customer goes white, apologizes profusely to the manager and the customer, pays his bill and storms off with his girl WHILE SOBBING. Turns out the man showed him his military ID, and he’s a Navy’s rear-admiral. Needless to say, we gave a huge discount to the officer.)

When Judgment Is Clouded

| Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Military

(We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

Caller: “Hi this is flying officer [name] with [squadron]. I need the weather for 5 hours time on the west coast.”

Me: “So that’s the forecast pressure, wind and cloud cover?”

Caller: “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for 5 hours ahead.”

Me: “I can only do actuals for what’s happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

Caller: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

(Someone else takes the call.)

Caller 2: “Hi this is [squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”

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