Category: Military

How To Disarm Volatile Customers

| USA | At The Checkout, Military, Money, Top

(I work at a clothing department store. We don’t offer a discount to our military, but we do have deals going on all the time. I overhear a customer speaking as if he has a military background. He eventually comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, I couldn’t help but overhear, but what branch are you?”

Military Customer: “Oh, I am in [legitimate military branch]. I did a tour of Iraq for a while.”

Me: “In that case, I can see that you forgot your coupon! That’s not a problem; we’ll take 30% off for you!”

(The next customer behind him starts yelling.)

Next Customer: “I don’t have my 50% coupon!”

(I ignore her, and finished the soldier’s purchases.)

Next Customer: “I deserve my 50% off!”

Me: “Ma’am, our store has never had a coupon that goes over 30%.”

(The next customer begins to yell.)

Next Customer: “You gave that discount to him! Why can’t I get the discount?”

(The military customer calmly walks over, and takes off his left arm. The next customer’s eyes get really large.)

Military Customer: “Don’t worry, the 50% discount only costs an arm and a leg; give or take a bit.”

(The next customer flees without buying anything. Thank you to all of our military, and especially the ones with great humor!)

They Are Rotten To The Corps

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am working late at my video store. Two customers enter, bad mouthing the military. As I prepare to suggest they keep it to themselves, one of the customers in the store beats me to it; a little 4′ 9″ woman I know to be a regular. She plants herself in front of the louder of the two guys, sticks out her hands and challenges them both.)

Woman: “Do you actually know anyone in the military, or have you ever been in the military?”

Large Guy: *mumbles something* “…not that desperate for money…” *mumbles*

Woman: “Well my husband is a Marine, so you shut up!”

(She kicks him in the knee. He screams and leaves, taking his buddy with him. As I make my way to speak with her, the only other customer in the store, a big bear of a guy, introduces himself to her.)

Other Customer: “Hi, I’m a former Navy Seal. I was on my way to take him apart, but I liked your way better!”

Full Metal Jacket Potatoes

, | Norway | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Military

(On my way home from work, a buddy and I are stopping at a fast food joint just outside the military camp/training facility in my town. There is a long line of soldiers, privates, I assume, but also a young civilian lady almost at the front. As we have finally gotten to the front and are waiting for our food, a sergeant comes through the camp gates and walks directly to the front of the line.)

My Friend: “Excuse me, but I think this young man was first.”

(He points to the private who was about to place his order when the sergeant, rather rudely, walked in front of him.)

Sergeant: “No, I think that will be fine. Don’t you think so, [private’s name]?”

Private: “Yes, of course, sir.”

My Friend: “I don’t. Why do you think you can just go ahead of everyone else?”

Sergeant: “Because I am their superior officer! Now quit wasting my time.”

Me: “Ahem. Are you her superior officer too?”

(I point at the young girl standing a couple places behind him in line.)

Sergeant: “Well, no…”

My Friend: “Then get to the back of the line then! Have some common courtesy!”

(The sergeant walked sheepishly to the back of the line. We went over to our car and made sure to stay and watch until everyone had gotten their food, so he wouldn’t just barge ahead again.)

Love And War

| USA | Awesome Customers, Military, Top, Tourists/Travel

(My husband and I wed three weeks before he leaves for Afghanistan, so we decide to postpone our honeymoon until after he comes home. A year later, we finally find time for our honeymoon and decide to go to Vegas. As we’re boarding the plane, we’ve decided to wear what we had worn for the wedding so we can arrive in style: he’s in his formal Army dress uniform, while I’m in my cocktail-length wedding dress.)

Flight Attendant: “We would now like to invite our first class passengers and any members of the military in uniform and their guests to board.”

(As we get up to board, a male passenger scoffs loudly.)

Passenger: “That’s bulls***! Why should that f** get to board first?!”

(There are gasps from the other passengers.)

Passenger: “F***ing murderer! You should be ashamed of yourself.”

(At this point, my husband and I are beet red with anger and embarrassment, but we choose to ignore this man and board the plane. After the rest of the plane has boarded, a member of the flight crew approaches us in coach.)

Flight Attendant: “Sir, ma’am: two of our passengers would like to offer you their seats in first class.”

Me: *shocked* “You’re kidding!”

Flight Attendant: “Not at all, ma’am. They’ve cleared it with us, and would like to switch seats with you before we take off, in recognition of your service.”

(As we stand up, the other passengers take interest. An older gentleman and his wife began to make their way back from first class, obviously the couple who had offered their seats to us.)

Gentleman Passenger: “Are you folks on your honeymoon?”

Husband: “Yes, sir.”

Gentleman Passenger: “Wonderful.” *in full voice, so the whole plane can hear* “My wife and I would take it as a personal favor to us if you would sit in our seats up in first class. I served in the military, as did my father, as well as two of our sons, one of whom is no longer with us. And I wanted to let you both know how proud we are to be flying with you today and for everything you’ve done for us and our country. I’m dreadfully sorry for the way you were treated when you were boarding, and we hope you enjoy the seats and have a lovely honeymoon and a wonderful life together.”

(By now, I am in tears, and the man shakes my husband’s hand while his wife gave me a big hug. We went up to first class and the gentleman and his wife took our seats in couch to applause from the whole plane and flight crew. Furthermore, the crew treated us like royalty for the whole flight. We were told upon disembarking that the people who were seated next to the passenger who had slurred us in the first place had asked to be moved away from him, and that he was given enough dirty looks and reproachful comments that he pouted for the entire flight.)

Height Trumps Hate

| San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

(My younger brother has come to town to visit me. I take him to the bar I work at for a few drinks and to meet my friends there. A regular customer who has been hitting on me for months comes in and sees us sitting together in one of the booths.)

Customer: *tries to look down my shirt* “Huh, and I thought after all this time you were a f***ing lesbian. Or is this f** your beard?”

Me: “I’m not working tonight. Go bother someone else.”

(The customer slides into the booth next to me, and tries to put his arm around my shoulders.)

Customer: “Why don’t you send your f** boyfriend off to get some beer and we can have a nice talk?”

(Note that my brother has been sitting slouched in the booth, concealing his size.)

Brother: “Why don’t you take your hands off of her and f*** off?”

(The customer springs out of the booth and stands near my brother in a really stupid looking ‘karate’ pose.)

Customer: “Why don’t you make me, you f***ing f**?! Huh?! Why don’t you make me?”

Brother: “Okay…”

(As he starts to slowly get out of the booth, the customer realizes his mistake. The customer is maybe 5’8″, while my brother looms over a foot taller than him at 6’9″. My brother grabs him by collar and belt and throws him out.)

Brother: “And it’s Sergeant, not f**, if you don’t mind!”

(I love my little brother.)

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