Category: Math & Science

Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

You’re Just Shorting Yourself

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money, Top

(On this day, we are selling cups of tall coffee for a quarter to celebrate our 25th anniversary in Canada.)

Customer #1: “One short dark coffee.”

Me: “Oh, today is your lucky day! A tall coffee is a quarter, so let me get you a bigger cup of coffee for less money!”

Customer #1: “I want a short.”

Me: “Well, a short is 8 oz at $1.74 after tax, but a tall is 12 oz at $0.28 after tax—today only.”

Customer #1: “Don’t cheat me! I don’t want more coffee!”

Me: “But it costs less…maybe I could charge you for a tall and just fill it half way?”

Customer #1: “Stop your trickery and give me what I want. You are trying to rip me off!”

Me: “Okay. One short coffee…that’s $1.74.”

Customer #1: “Thank you. Was that so freaking hard?!”

(The customer walks away, and the next customer approaches.)

Customer #2: “So, let me get this straight: I can get like four coffees for the price of a short?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s a great deal! I’ll get four!”

(Hearing this, Customer #1 turns back to the counter, enraged.)

Customer #1: “You’re giving him FOUR?! You’re playing favorites, you b****!”

Me: *shocked*

Customer #2: “How much do you hate your job right now?”

Animal, Mineral, Debatable

| Boston, MA, USA | Math & Science

(The store I worked at sells rock and mineral specimens, so it’s quite common that customers don’t know much about what they are buying. Luckily, I have a geology background, so I can explain in detail what things are.)

Customer: *points up at a piece* “What is that?”

Me: “It’s a chrysanthemum stone.”

Customer: “Well, what is that?”

Me: “It’s strontium sulfate that forms on top of a black limestone.”

Customer: “But what IS that?”

Me: “Strontium sulfate is Celestite. This is just a different form of it, but deposited on a limestone; it looks like a flower.”

Customer: “But what is THAT though? It’s not a fossil of a flower, is it?”

Me: “No, it’s a mineral on top of a limestone. Limestones are a fine-grained sedimentary rock. The crystallization just makes it looks like a flower.”

Customer: “So it’s a rock on top of another rock?”

Me: “Not technically, but sort of…I don’t know how to explain it simpler than that.”

Customer: “So, it’s two rocks in one! I’ll take it.”

Me: “Okay, great. I’ll assume you want an info card on it?”

Customer: “Nah, it’s just a rock on a rock. That’s all I need to know!”

Dumb By Any Metric

| Oklahoma, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Customer: “What’s the difference between these two water heater gas lines?”

Me: “One is two feet long, and one is four feet long.”

Customer: “But what is the difference? They’re priced differently.”

Me: “Um, one is 24 inches long, and one is 48 inches long.”

Customer: “I don’t understand! Why should I buy one over the other?”

Me: “Because one is only this long.” *holds arms two feet apart* “And one is this long.” *hold arms four feet apart*

Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude!” *storms away*

The DST Fairy Bids Thee Good Morning

| Grapevine, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

(I am working in guest care at a hotel. It’s the morning after “springing forward”, and a guest calls down to ask the time.)

Guest: “What’s the current local time?”

Me: “It is 7:45 AM.”

Guest: “Then why does my clock say that time already? Did you send a maid into my room while I was sleeping to set my clock forward?! That is just unacceptable!”

Me: “Sir, the rooms all have atomic clocks that are automatically set by satellite signal.”

Guest: *click*

Less Than Or Equal To Dumb

| Portland, OR, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

Guest: “We have a party of six. Will that fit in your hotel’s van?”

Me: “Well, our hotel van has room for eleven.”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “So, your party of six will fit.”

Guest: “Oh! Good.”

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