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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

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Many A Slip Twixt Cup And Scam

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work the registers at a big box retailer. At the end of every transaction, I look down the line to make sure there aren’t any special attention items coming my way. A customer has a large stack of $1 cups in his basket the first time I look at him, but they are gone the second.)

Me: “Hello! How are you doing today? Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m okay.”

(At this point I’ve already scanned three items, and sure enough every one of them has rung up as a cup. My favorite way to deal with shoplifters is to pretend to be completely dense, while talking loudly about their shoplifting.)

Me: “Well, that’s very strange. Somehow those last three items got the wrong label on them. Let me just take a moment and fix that.”

Customer: *looks up from his wallet* “Oh, um. That’s fine.”

(I continue to scan his order, removing every single cup label from every item.)

Me: “Boy, this is just so strange. I don’t know how this could have happened. But strange things seem to happen around here from time to time.”

Customer: “Uh… haha, yeah. I… I don’t know how that happened either.”

Me: “Well, your total comes to $245.50.”

Customer: “Hey uh, I… I left my uh, wallet in the car. I’m going to go get that.”

Me: “Okay, well, we can hold on to your order for up to 24 hours.”

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Caught Red-Painted

| USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work in the paint department. We have a policy of changing the color of left-behind paint or stain after closing, since it gets marked down in price. A contractor orders several five-gallon tubs of wood stain in a natural color, but never comes to get it. I have a hunch, and dye each five-gallon a vastly different, but still usable color. Sure enough the next day he comes in, goes straight for the marked down stain, and begins loading them onto his cart before he notices the colors are all different. He angrily storms over to the desk.)

Contractor: “Why are these all different colors?”

(Knowing full well he had ordered them and left them on purpose, I smile.)

Me: “Well, when paint or stain is left over a day, we change the color so would-be thieves don’t come back the next day and try to get their paint for a fraction of the cost.”

(He sputtered at me angrily, and left in a huff with only two of the closest-matching colors he could find. The rest were bought throughout the day by other people.)

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Not Buying Into Your American Dream

| Birkenhead, England, UK | Geography, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I used to work in a call center for an international, but UK-based retail company. The company ships worldwide; however we only have stores in Europe, UAE, and South Africa. A call comes through. A man with an American accent speaks. I do the usual, scripted greeting.)

Caller: “I’m very upset with the service I received in your New York store.”

(We don’t have a New York store.)

Me: “Oh, I am very sorry to hear that; however, we don’t hav—”

Caller: *interrupting* “I was just in there with my wife…”

(He continues on the phone for five minutes detailing every horrible thing that apparently happened to him in a store we don’t have. He was even so bold as to make up names and descriptions of staff members. He keeps mentioning that a suitable apology would be a “10% off discount and free delivery for life.” He finishes the cacophony of the apparent racial, verbal, and mental anguish he suffered by saying he’s with a staff member who can back up his claim.)

Me: *trying to stop the nonsense* “I do understand your frustration here; however, we do not have a Ne—”

(I am interrupted again as the man puts a woman on the phone, claiming she works for the store and witnessed the abuse. The woman also states she has been in contact with the head office in New York (our head office is in London) and they agreed on the discount and it was just up to customer services to sort it out for him.)

Me: “I—”

(The man returns to the phone, saying he spends a lot of money in the store and is a loyal customer. He continues, again, for a further five minutes. The call has lasted fifteen minutes and I should have ended my shift five minutes into the call. Frustrated, I interrupt the man.)

Me: “We are dreadfully sorry to hear about the service you received in our store. In order for us to sort this discount out for you, I just need you to answer one question.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s good! What do you need to know? My name is—”

Me: *interrupting* “You are aware we do not have any stores in North America?”

Caller: *click*

(If it hadn’t have been keeping me in the call centre, I would have let the call continue just to see how big of a hole this guy could dig himself into.)

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Strike And You’re Out

| Italy | Liars & Scammers, Money, Popular

(We have a regular that always asks us to over-mark the amount of fuel he does on the expense sheet, which is illegal, but we comply because he always says “I did 20 yesterday evening on the self service” and we don’t want to delay other customers because he would make a scene. Today, however, it’s different.)

Regular: “Can you do [amount] and mark [higher amount] on the expense sheet? I came by yesterday evening and did 20€.”

Me: “Really? You came and did 20€ yesterday evening?”

Regular: “Yes…”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can mark that.”

Regular: “Why?”

Me: “We were completely closed for the national strike yesterday. No self service; nothing at all.”

(The look on the regular’s face was priceless.)

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A Serious Error In Judgment

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work in a call center for a large trucking company. It’s mainly customer service, but we also make collection calls when a client’s invoice has gone past due.)

Me: “Good day, ma’am. This is [My Name] from [Company]. We are looking for payment on an invoice that has gone past due.”

Client: “Yes, we’re aware. We are refusing payment. You didn’t deliver the materials on time.”

Me: “I’m so sorry that happened! Do you mind holding a moment so I can look into this a bit further and credit your account?”

Client: “No problem.”

(I put the client on hold and review the shipping papers. The client did ask for a specific delivery day of Tuesday on the paperwork… However, that’s exactly when we delivered, at 10:00 am, a full two hours before the guaranteed time of noon.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But it shows here that you requested a delivery date of Tuesday by noon and we actually delivered at 10:00 am.”

Client: “Yes, I know, but you were still a day late.”

Me: “No, ma’am. It delivered Tuesday as requested on the shipping papers.”

Client: “Yes, but it supposed to be there Monday.”

Me: “But that’s not what the shipping paper says.”

Client: “I already said I know that. But it was supposed to be there Monday. Now my customer will not pay us because of it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but how are we to know that the goods had to be there Monday if you put Tuesday on the paperwork?”

Client: “Well, because I didn’t want to pay for the two-day service. I expected your driver to get it there ahead of schedule.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You asked us to deliver Tuesday, but you are withholding payment because you really wanted it there Monday? And now you’re trying to hold us responsible for delivering late after you just admitted you were trying to avoid paying extra costs for expedited service?”

Client: “Um… well… you still should have gotten it there Monday. Isn’t it your job to exceed the customer’s expectations?”

Me: “Actually, we did just that… by delivering a full two hours before the time documented on the papers.”

Client: “Well, I can’t pay you. I won’t be paid, so I can’t pay you.”

Me: “So, essentially, you want my company to pay for your error?”

Client: “Yes. I think it’s only fair.”

Me: “Ma’am, if this invoice is not paid in full by the end of today, based on the information you’ve admitted to me here, I will have no choice but to file a theft-of-service report with my headquarters and cut off service to your location. At that time, the company attorney will be in contact with your owner to discuss litigation. Further, we will also send notification to the credit bureaus that will ding your company’s credit score which will make it difficult to obtain credit with another freight carrier. Do you have any other questions before I termination this call?”

Client: “I… um… that’s not… um… necessary. Do you take company credit cards?”

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