Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…


His Thinking Is Far To The Right

, | Fayetteville, AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Popular, School

(Usually, it’s pretty slow but one day a patron is very irate and storms over to me.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”

Patron: “You need to change your doors!”

Me: *slightly confused* “Excuse me?”

Patron: “Your doors are on the wrong side. This is f***ing America! We do everything to the right! You god-d*** door entrances are on the left. I demand you fix them!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask that you stop using that type of language and keep your voice down. I’m sorry you have such a problem with the position of our doors. I can fill out a maintenance request but I don’t think there is much they will be willing to do since they isn’t actually anything physically wrong with the doors.”

Patron: “Listen here! I’m the Dean of this library! I demand you fix those doors right now! This is America, not f***ing England! ”

Me: “Sir, I am asking you again to lower your voice and not speak to me that way. If I have to ask you again I will be asking you to leave. And sir, that’s pretty amazing surgery if you’re in fact the dean.”

Patron: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, sir, you’re a Caucasian, mid-twenties male. Our Dean, at least as of this morning when she came in, was an African American, middle-aged woman.”

(He stormed out of the library as security quickly followed him. He was banned from the library and I never did put in that maintenance request!)


Your Wifely Duties

| USA | Liars & Scammers, Popular

(My husband and father-in-law own a small grocery store. I’m working as a cashier and am helping a very elderly gentleman put his items on the belt so I can ring him up when a woman pushes through us and starts to unload her stuff on the front half of the belt.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you need to move to the back of the line. This gentleman is currently checking out.”

Customer: “I don’t see you ringing him up so it’s actually my turn.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but he needed some help. Although I haven’t started to check him out, it is still his turn.”

Customer: “I’m the owner’s wife! If I say it’s my turn it’s my d*** turn!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m the owner’s wife and I would appreciate it if you would remove your items and please move behind this gentleman so I can finish checking him out.”

Customer: “What do you know? You’re just a f****** cashier. I AM the owner’s WIFE!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, just give me a moment.”

(I apologize to the gentleman and text my husband to come to the register as I walk to stand behind it. The customer gives me a smug smile but I wait to ring her up. My husband walks up.)

Husband: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “Nothing much. She kept insisting she was your wife so she could cut in front of this nice gentleman. I tried telling her I was your wife but she wouldn’t listen so I thought you could tell her.”

(We both look at the customer as her face goes red with embarrassment and anger.)

Customer: “This is bull-s***! Your customer service is terrible! I’m never shopping here again!”

(She storms off and my husband yells after her.)

Husband: “See you at home, honey!”


Going To Jail For Taxi Fraud

| Prescott, AZ, USA | Liars & Scammers, Popular, Transportation

(I drive a young, male customer about 11 miles from one town to another, running his fare just a little under $30. We arrive to his home and he gives me his debit card, and I slide it through a device attached to my phone. It gets declined.)

Me: “Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “No, that’s all I have! I don’t understand; I have over $1,000 in my account!”

Me: “Let me input the information manually. Maybe it will work that way.” *it gets declined once again* “Sorry, it’s not taking it. I can take you to your bank and you can see what’s going on?”

Customer: “I don’t have time for that! I don’t understand; there’s money in my account!”

Me: “I need payment from you. I cannot let this slide.”

Customer: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Me: “I can run you to your bank quickly so we can get this straightened out.”

Customer: “I told you, I don’t have time for that!”

Me: “Look, you either have time to go to the bank, or you have time to deal with the police, because this is theft of services.”

(He quickly found a way to pay me after that!)


Within A Hairs-breadth Of A Scam

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I’m working late on a Friday night. Two men and a woman are seated at one of the tables in my section. They proceed to order mixed drinks with “upsell” (more expensive) liquors, appetizers, and racks of ribs. All in all, a rather pricey check for our chain restaurant. After I’d brought out the racks of ribs:)

Customer #1: “She’d like to add a side of broccoli with her ribs, with melted cheese on it.”

Me: “Of course. The extra side dish is about $2.69.”

Customer #1: “That’s fine.”

(The kitchen whip up the side dish very quickly: a mound of broccoli with fresh, gleaming, melted cheddar over the top. I take the plate out to the table, drop it off, fill up some drinks at the next table over, and return to my section in about three minutes to check that everything is going well. The plate with the broccoli is at the edge of the table, with a long black hair embedded into the cheese. The hair is easily eight inches long, and there is no way on the planet I would’ve missed it or brought it out of the kitchen if it had happened there. Frankly, it looked so revolting that I didn’t want to be the one that had to pick it up and take it back!)

Customer #1: “We want to return this because it’s got a hair in it.”

(Both of the men are clearly trying not to laugh, and the woman just looks at me like they think they are all very clever.)

Me: “Well, I’m very sorry to see that, sir. Do you want another side dish of broccoli to replace this, or just have it removed from your check?”

Customer #1: “No… no, we don’t. Look… can we talk to your manager?”

Me: “Certainly, sir.”

(I give them a bright smile and go to find my manager in the kitchen to show him the side dish before he goes to talk to them. Our manager laughs.)

Manager: “Where did THAT come from?”

(I explain. The manager looks around the kitchen and laughs again. He has short, salt-n-pepper hair. Our head cook is bald, and our other cook has short, curly red hair. My hair, also trimmed around ear-length, is red, and the only other waiter on at that point of the night wears his hair cut in short, bleached-blond spikes.)

Manager: “Some people… Look, don’t worry; I’ll go talk to them.”

(He returns in a couple minutes and explains he is taking the side dish ($2.69) off the check, but nothing else, and that he’d made that clear to the customers. The customers decide they don’t want dessert, and pay the bill (about $78) with cash and leave me a $2 tip, making sure to make a point of reminding me that the hair in their broccoli had been gross and that they don’t plan to return. Once the trio has left, one of the pair of elderly women sitting in one of the booths in my section calls me over.)

Lady: “I saw the whole thing! That man reached over and plucked one of the hairs off her head and stuck it in the food! They were laughing about it the whole time! I hope you didn’t get in trouble.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I didn’t. You see, nobody in our kitchen tonight has hair anything like they ‘found’ in the food, so they didn’t get away with anything more than having that single extra side dish taken off their check.”

Lady: “Well, good! I don’t know what’s with these young people today, trying to pull a fast one on hard-working people!”

(It was charming how indignant she was! I gave them their dessert teas for free for her honesty, and she ended up tipping me $15 on her $27 meal.)


Flood Of Lies

| UK | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I am working on a specific out-of-hours phone line for house maintenance and repairs on Christmas Eve. It is about four pm and one of the last calls of the day. I have already let the customer know that calls are recorded.)

Customer: “There’s a pipe under my sink and if I touch the bolt it is going to leak.”

Me: “I’m afraid we only deal with uncontainable leaks during out of hours, sir.”

Customer: “But it’s going to leak if I touch it!”

Me: “Sir, if it is not already leaking I cannot send an engineer out to you. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “Erm, okay, then, it’s leaking now.”

Me: *following my script* “Okay, and is the leak currently containable?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “I do apologise, sir, we only deal with uncontainable leaks during out of hours.”

Customer: “Then it IS uncontainable. My kitchen is flooding!”

Me: “Okay, I can get an engineer out to you but I would like to remind you that calls are recorded so you may be charged if this is not the case.”

(The caller hung up straight away.)

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