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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

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The Mother Of All Fakes

| Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Liars & Scammers

(I have just finished making a sandwich for a woman when she starts speaking to me as I ring her up.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. Sometimes the spirits just won’t let me keep my mouth shut.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I’m a psychic you see, and I have a message from beyond.”

Me: *not convinced* “Oh, really?” *prompts her to pay*

Customer: “Yes, it’s a message from your mother’s mother.”

(She then looks up at me and grins, I guess I was supposed to be excited. I prompt the machine again which she finally takes.)

Me: “Oh really? Which one?”

Customer: *her head snaps up, frowning* “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother was adopted, so she had two mothers, and both passed years ago.”

Customer: *flounders for a moment before speaking* “The biological one, the one you were closest with, her.”

Me: “Well, that’s funny. I didn’t know her well.”

(The customer finally finishes paying and I hand her her food. She frowns again, then grins.)

Customer: “The one you were closest with. She wants me to tell you she is always watching over you and will be your spirit guide.”

(She tries handing me her “business” card, which I just shove in my apron.)

Me: “That’s funny, as my mother and I also consider ourselves psychic. My mother’s adopted mother isn’t connected to the earth anymore. My mother’s biological mother, however, is connected to her and leaves her gifts and things. Have a nice day. Bye!”

(She stormed out, angry I just outed her. My coworkers and I had fun at her expense, and I looked her up from her business card. She has gotten in trouble for scamming people. I may believe in psychics, but most of them don’t butt into people’s lives, especially at work. You learn to keep your mouth shut; it can ruin a person to hear things like that.)

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Trafficking False Complaints

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I work as a resident assistant at a small university and this happens at 2:00 am during my shift. The campus is in the middle of the woods several miles from the city, and being the middle of the night there is not a soul in sight outside the office.)

Coworker: “It’s so quiet. I’m going to fall asleep if I don’t do something! How about I order us some sandwiches from [local, late night Sandwich Shop]?”

Me: “I’m not hungry, but feel free to get yourself something.”

(She orders her food, and ten minutes later goes to meet the delivery driver who pulls up right next to our office, despite it being difficult to find on the private campus roads.)

Coworker: *storming back into the office* “I cannot believe him! That was totally unacceptable!”

Me: “Oh, my goodness, are you all right? What happened?”

Coworker: “The nerve of him! He expected me to walk off the sidewalk and go to the driver’s window to pay him! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “…I don’t understand.”

Coworker: “Neither do I! How dare he expect me to walk into the middle of the road where I could be hit by traffic! He should have gotten out and come to me!”

Me: “Are you serious? What traffic? It’s a private road and his car is the only one we’ve seen in the last two hours. He even parked right next to a crosswalk for you!”

Coworker: “He could have gotten me KILLED!! I’m calling to complain about him!”

(Despite my protests she called the shop, and gave a very dramatic account of how she “could have died” by being asked to step out in “heavy traffic,” and even made up that he nearly hit her with his car! Ten minutes later the SAME DRIVER is sent back to give her a free cookie and a refund.)

Coworker: *walking back in with a smug look on her face and waving her returned $3.00* “See? It pays to complain! I hope they fire him!”

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Making Unwarranted Comments

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(I am the longest-working employee at a locally-owned business. The store sells batteries in any shape and size, so here I am manning the front, when a customer I recognize comes in with a particular brand battery. The battery in question is obviously beat up, and half the labels on it are gone.)

Customer: “I need to get a new one of these.”

Me: “All right, well, a new one of those runs [amount].”

Customer: “No, this is under warranty.”

Me: “Fair enough; do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “No, I bought it here.”

Me: “Okay, hang on just a second.” *I check our system and find no receipt for the customer for an item of this brand* “I’m sorry, but we haven’t ever sold one of this brand to you before.”

Customer: “Yeah, you did.”

Me: “I have no record of it here.”

Customer: “It’s when you were at the old location. I bought it new there.”

Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry, but we didn’t sell those new at the old location.”

Customer: “Yeah, you did. How would you know? I bought a new one there.”

Me: “I’d know because I was at the old location and we didn’t start selling that brand until about a year after we moved here.”

Customer: “I want you to give me a new one.”

Me: “I can’t do that. I don’t have any receipt on one of these for you.”

(At this point, with a line of customers behind him, he starts cussing me out. I’m a big dude, 6’3” and tip the scales at about 280, as well as knowing how to handle myself, so I’m just standing there, letting him yell at me in full view of other customers and our security cameras.)

Me: “All right, listen. We didn’t sell those new at the old location, I don’t have a receipt so I’m not going to warranty that out for you, and stop talking to me like that.”

Customer: “I’m going to tell your f***ing boss about this!”

Me: “Go right ahead; tell me how it turns out.”

Customer: “I ought to f***ing make you do this.”

Me: “I wouldn’t recommend that.”

(The customer storms out, still cussing me out. The next customer in line watches him go while I lean on the counter and take a few deep breaths.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I need just a second.”

Next Customer: “I’m impressed, I expected a big guy like you to come around the counter and beat the h*** out of him for talking to you like that.”

Me: “Nah, we’ve got cameras. What can I do for you?”

(And that’s how you impress a big company buyer and make a thousand dollar sale.)