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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Hoping They Were Born Yesterday

| Houston, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a bakery franchise that specializes in bundt cakes. On loyalty customers’ birthdays, they have the opportunity to come into the store and get a free mini cake. The following exchange happens the week before Halloween over the phone.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Franchise Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I was just calling about the birthday bundtlet? I didn’t get one.”

Me: “Oh, geez, sorry about that. When did you come in?”

Caller: “I didn’t. I never got the email with the coupon on it.”

Me: “Okay. When did you sign up for the loyalty program?”

Caller: “Um, it was for my cousin’s birthday, so it was a while ago, and…”

(The customer proceeds to ramble on for a minute or so, making me suspicious that she signed up after her birthday.)

Me: “Okay, miss. If you come in with your ID, to prove that your birthday was within a week of today, I’ll check to make sure you’re on the loyalty program and get you that cake.”

Caller: “Oh, my birthday was in August. But my husband’s birthday is in a week, so I’ll just get a bundtlet for then.”

Me: “No, that won’t work. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “God, I f****** hate this store. You never work with your customers!”

Trouble Brewing, Part 6

| NE, USA | Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Underaged

(A group of three customers enter the bar. They are wearing wristbands after attending a local MMA fight. The wristbands are supposed to be only for people of drinking age.)

Customer #1: “Hey, can I get three rum and cokes?”

Me: “Sure, I just need to see everyone’s ID.”

Customer #2: “Aw, s***, I don’t have my ID, man.”

Customer #1: “Well, you shouldn’t have let the cops take your ID!”

Me: “Right, well if you don’t have your ID on you, I can’t serve you.”

Customer #2: “But I got this wrist band at the fights. You can’t have one unless you’re old enough.”

Me: “Yeah, but if I can’t see your ID myself, it doesn’t do me much good.”

Customer #1: “Well, hey is [Other Bartender] here tonight?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer #1: “What about [Another Bartender]?”

Me: “Nope.”

(They leave. Ten minutes later, Customer #1 comes back with a different couple.)

Customer #1: “Hey, man, I’m gonna level with you…”

Me: “Alright…”

Customer #1: “Okay, that guy I was with before? Yeah, he’s only 20. But I’m totally 22, man.”

Me: “Have you got your ID with you so you can prove it?”

Customer #1: “Um… no.”

Me: “Then I can’t help you.”

Customer #1: “C’mon, you’re really gonna be like that?”

Me: “Uh, yeah.”

Related:
Trouble Brewing, Part 5
Trouble Brewing, Part 4
Trouble Brewing, Part 3
Trouble Brewing, Part 2

A Half-Baked Notion

| London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I am an 18-year-old male. I work at a local bakery around the corner from my house on the weekends. I’m busy dealing with a customer, who happens to be my sister, who is older by five years. Since it’s quiet at the moment, I’m just having a quick chat with her whilst my coworker deals with the only other customer in the store.)

Me: “Well, anyway, I should get back to clearing the shelves. I will see you at home later?”

Sister: “Yeah, sure!”

(The other customer has apparently been eavesdropping, and walks up to my sister.)

Customer: “Don’t you think you should wait until you’re older before you start dating men?”

(The customer then turns to me.)

Customer: “AND YOU! You should be ashamed of yourself! This girl can’t be more than 16, and you’re taking advantage of her!”

(To be fair my sister is short and very slim. I’m 6′ 2″ and quite bulky, so she is often mistaken for being younger than me.)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but you seem to have misunderstood. This is my sister, and she’s actually older than me.”

Customer: “Don’t you try to justify yourself to me, you monster; you’re taking advantage of this poor girl.”

(The customer then tries to take my sister by the hand and lead her out of the store.)

Customer: “Come with me, dear; I won’t let that man hurt you.”

Sister: “No, that really is my brother! You don’t understand.”

Customer: “No, dear, don’t believe his lies. Let’s get you away from here and call the police.”

(He drags my sister out onto the street. I rush after them, because as far as I’m concerned, this man is in the act of kidnapping my sister.)

Me: “Hey, stop! GET OFF MY SISTER!”

(The man turns around to face me, at which point several other store owners have come out to see what’s going on. I decide to make a last ditch attempt to reason with this man before I try and force him to let go of my sister.)

Me: “Look, I’ve got my ID on me and so does my sister! If we show them to you, will you accept that what were telling you is the truth?”

Customer: “Fine, but I warn you: I know fakes when I see them!”

(My sister and I both show our IDs, which bear the exact same surname and our dates of birth. I see that it all finally clicks into place in the customer’s brain.)

Customer: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”

(The customer saunters off down the street, merry as you like. Once were sure he’s gone, my sister walks round the corner back home. It’s only then we realize that in all the drama, the customer never actually paid for the bread and cakes he had bought. We all now wonder if he just forgot like we did, or if we were a victim of the most impressive scam to steal bread and cake in history!)