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Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Telling Porkies About The Chicken

Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I work in the meat department of a grocery store. A customer brings back a package of chicken to be exchanged. She does not have her receipt so I need to ensure we actually carry the chicken and also make sure I get the weight correct on her exchange. The chicken is wrapped in tin foil and then again in a plastic shopping bag. You could smell a faint odor when you get near it but as I deal with spoiled meat occasionally, it isn’t a big deal.)

Customer: “I bought this yesterday and it’s spoiled. I just want to exchange it for the same thing.”

Me: “That’s no problem, ma’am. Just let me get the brand and the size for you and I’ll get it.”

Customer: “Oh, I really don’t think you want to open that dear. It’s pretty bad.”

Me: “Be that as it may, I have to open it.”

(Upon opening the initial plastic we discover the tin foil it’s wrapped in. The customer service associate next to me gags and runs from the room. The smell actually makes my throat burn. Nevertheless I have to open it. It’s wrapped in four layers of tin foil and 2 layers of plastic wrap. When I release the last layer of tin foil and can actually see the chicken, it actually makes a ‘burp’ sound as the gas is released. The chicken is green, like pea soup color. I cannot read the label, for all the slime, to see when the expiration date was.)

Customer: “See, I told you! It’s awful! Wrap it back up, for goodness sake!”

Me: “Ma’am, when did you say you bought this package?”

Customer: “Yesterday morning. I was going to cook it for supper last night.”

Me: “And it looked like that when you bought it?”

Customer: “No, of course not. Who would buy chicken that looked like that!”

Me: “I’m going to have to get my manager.”

(My manager comes over and opens the chicken very briefly. He asks the same questions and gets the same answers.)

Manager: “Ma’am, it’s 104 degrees outside. Did you, by chance, buy this a few days ago and leave it in your car?”

Customer: ” Absolutely not! I bought it yesterday and I want another package of chicken! Now hurry up. I have things to do.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; I can’t exchange this. There is no way this went bad in your refrigerator overnight. In fact, I think you could have left it on your counter and it wouldn’t smell this bad.”

(After arguing about it for another 20 minutes the customer picked up the package and threw it on the ground. It exploded green chicken slime which landed on the computers and registers nearby, and all over me, my manager, and the customers waiting in line, including a small child. Two customers actually vomited. I was forced to clean the mess. The real sting in the tale is that the customer with the child sued the store and won a $20,000 settlement.)

No Point Crying Over Stolen Milk

| USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(Milk is subsidized in my state so we don’t offer cash refunds or exchanges unless the product is spoiled or damaged. One man has been exchanging half-empty milk every week for six months claiming each time that the container is leaking. He does it with different clerks and it takes a while before everyone realizes he’s scamming us. As manager, I ask my clerks to let me know if they see him come in so I can talk to him.)

Customer: “I’d like to exchange this milk.”

Me: “Sure, we can certainly do that. Man, you have some rotten luck!”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, you just always seem to have leaky milks. Looking at how little is remaining, it must have really made a mess in your fridge!”

Customer: “Oh. Yeah.”

Me: “Wow, going through a milk every week? I wonder if [Milk Company] knows they have so many leaky containers. I should track this and notify them.”

Customer: *nervously* “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Me: “Oh. Well, a leaky gallon every week for six months? That’s unacceptable. Maybe you should try another brand? You know, [Milk Company]’s headquarters are just one town over. I could just call them and have them inspect this.”

Customer: *alarmed* “Oh, no, no! It’s fine. I’m all set.”

Me: “Are you sure? Hey, why don’t we go pick out a gallon together. That way we’ll KNOW it isn’t leaking?”

Customer: “Oh, uhhh. I’m sure I won’t have any problems anymore.”

Me: “I really appreciate you letting us know there is an issue with their packaging. I’ll be sure to keep an extra close eye on your milk from now on.”

(The customer leaves in a hurry and we never see him again!)

How To Cancel Death, Part 2

| Dallas, TX, USA | Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello. I’m calling to cancel my service because, you see, my wife is no longer with us. I haven’t been able to get into the account for some months now because, of course, I didn’t have her info.”

Me: “Oh, I understand. I’m sorry to hear that. Let me pull up your account.”

(In the background, I hear a woman’s voice.)

Woman: “Honey, where are the car keys!?”

Customer: “Shut up! You’re supposed to be dead!”

Woman: “WHAT!?” *click*

Related:
How To Cancel Death